Tell me your house rules

[HangingOver]

Not the "no shoes indoors type", the quirky ones unique to your personalities.

In this house for example, you have to give an "Advanced Crisp Warning", or ACW.

The rule is that, although either party in the household is permitted to partake of the naice crisps whenever he or she chooses, they must give the other party an ACW if they finish the last bag in the house, as we both agree that the sense of crushing disappointment felt when one fancies and then subsequently discovers they cannot have naice crisps is something we don't want to inflict on one another.

We also have Dog Jingles, which are short bursts of song which have to be sung in the car when you spot a particular breed of dog (the jingle describes the characteristics of the breed - Golden Retrievers for example: "Just...So...Happy...To...BE HERE!" sung to jaunty "Taa-daa!" type tune).

Hit me with yours.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba exactly this.
My and my teen DS have so many quite frankly ridiculous things we do regularly that I often say of any of our neighbours can hear us through the windows they will think we are complete loons.

But their our things, and what makes us uniquely us!

Oh for an edit.
If*
They're *

when DS2 was about 6 an entire box of cornflakes got tipped over an poured out on the dining room floor.
he happened to come in the room and started walking all over them.
so I asked "what are you doing?" and without a beat he started singing "I'm walking on sunshine!"
🤣

And when DS1 was 4 he was a bit upset one day. I was about to make a drink so just happened to ask if he'd like a hot chocolate and he replied "yes, that would cheer me up!"😁

both were standard replies for a while. the second still comes up occasionally but should bring them both back really.

we also still use some of their baby words: pie die, hairdude, rock sack etc.

oh and I can't stand whistling so if anyone new (like kids' friends or workmen) starts to whistle any family member will say "sorry, no whistling". it's a Pavlovian reflex.
we all say it to the telly too with tutting & disapproving looks

we have so so many of these but I feel like I'm clogging up this thread so will try & shut up now

@HavanaGoodTime

surely the friends clap is a universal rule?!

also the weird alternative swearing gestures that they do?

Yes definitely universal!

If someone says “where’s my keys?” You must sing “where’s your phone?”

When a telly programme theme tune comes on you have to sing along and do a silly dance to it.

just 2 more: DH & both rotate which hob area to use so none will get sad at being less needed. we had the new induction hob for a few years before we realised we both do this🤣

and when filling freezer the alarm starts beeping we tell it to fuck off. it's the law

If we ever watch a movie featuring a sunk/capsized/shipwrecked boat, we have to shout at the TV: 'She's listing a bit!'

Upside down ship in The Poseidon Adventure - 'she's listing a bit'
Ship goes vertical in Titanic - 'she's listing a bit'

Etc.

The cats can't have treats without the treat giver singing 'who wants some dreamies' to the tune of 'who let the dogs out' (while the cats look at you with disgust!)

We have a song that must be sung when feeding the Dcat.

If one of us says “will you make me a sandwich?” the other one must reply “Poof! You’re a sandwich!”

@gurglebelly

The cats can't have treats without the treat giver singing 'who wants some dreamies' to the tune of 'who let the dogs out' (while the cats look at you with disgust!)

Ooh, I have a Dreamies one. The cats don't get their Dreamies until they're 'in formation' - boy cat sitting in front of me on the floor, girl cat on the sofa arm.

They know now to get in formation and miaow loudly when they want some.

DH will tell me 'they're in formation'.

If DH or I have made an effort with our outfit or have something new on, the other must always say “That’s a smashing blouse!” Makes us chuckle anyway

Not a deliberate rule but DP is convinced that there is a rule that everyone announces when they are going to the loo. Absolutely no idea how it's come about as we really don't do traditional toilet humour (well ds2 tries to). However we have got into the habit of announcing everytime we are off to the loo and DP confirms he will record it in the ledger.
Thank god we don't get visitors because we would definitely forget and announce it without thinking

I actually assume DC and I have adequate an unspoken pact to keep doing it because it annoys DP .

really the last one:
you know those scenes in films when the SWAT team bursts in and check every room shouting "Clear! Clear!"

can't remember in which film, but they were wearing headgears so their voices were muffled and it sounded like "Claire! Claire!" as if calling out to someone, looking for her.
so I commented to DH that now I understand why they are always so desperate, they've been looking for her for decades!

since then when a similar scene comes up one of us we'll say "still no luck" or "I hope she's ok" etc...

the kids don't find it amusing at all

@Nietzschethehiker

🤣🤣🤣 love it!

but surely it should be called "the log"

Oh wait ...there is also the rule of lettuce. If anyone is having lettuce (mainly me ...because everyone else is lettuce resistant....vegetable resistant ...anything g healthy resistant) they yell Lettuce ! And everyone else choruses "lettuce give thanks" 😊

Plus there is a relatively new house rule that sentences have to stay under 5 minutes long (you would be surprised how often this one gets invoked.. I'm considering changing it that all Minecraft sentences have to stay under 5 seconds long but I suspect that's a battle I'd lose).

Oh and you are only allowed to take over the world when you are 18 and no minions until you are 16. (Obviously this only affects the DC. DP isn't allowed to take over the world until he is 45 )

our main rule is "Don't be a dick" - which covers a lot of bases really.

When the DC say "I'm bored" I will ALWAYS say/sing "I'm the chairman of the bored". Now they say "I'm Bored DON'T SAY IT" .
I say it.

If we have both cats on our bed or sofa or lap we will enviously coo "ooh look at you - double catting" - its almost the best thing that can happen. Or if I call for the kids to come pretty much the only excuse not to come (apart from loo) is if they are double catting.

[quote ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]@Nietzschethehiker

🤣🤣🤣 love it!

but surely it should be called "the log"[/quote]
It was right at the beginning but DS2 ran with that as you would expect so it got changed

DD's can get their ears pierced when they are 35.

If something gets delivered in a box, the other adult has to ask what the box contains in the same way Brad Pitt asked Kevin Spacey in Seven.

I guess this next one is a rule just for my husband because he follows it without exception. If someone doesn't put something away, he will passive aggressively put it away, declaring loudly that "it doesn't matter that all this has been left out for ants or something to ruin it, because I have now put it away for the people who can't be bothered." But he will continue leaving everything he touches scattered wherever he finds a surface, which he will rarely ever put away, or if he does, will put away cheerfully, without comment.

If I shout ‘all hands’ then everyone comes running. It’s either a domestic emergency that needs lots of clearing up, or a Sainsbury’s delivery that needs putting away.

@Lavendersquare
The pants started as a nice white pair with a red waistband (Levi’s) which I bought him, the rest were patterned and these seemed quite sexy for some reason. They are now quite faded and grey with a small waistband hole, and would be on their way to the cleaning rag bag if they weren’t the sex pants.

One I’ve just remembered is when I was growing up, at Christmas we always threatened to eat my little brother for Christmas pudding and would say “has to be this year! It’s illegal once they’re 5/6/7/8” (always a year older than he was)

Oh!! Every time my Dsis, 12 yo Ds or I have jam
in the vicinity of the other, we must declare "the tailor loved jehhm!" Or, if we pick up a jar, we say "Frrresh frruit jehhm." Because there was a program in the 80s when I was a little kid where Ladybird's Well Loved Tales were read by someone famous. Once, there was a rerun of Ron Moody reading The Brave Little Tailor. My sister and I must have been about 6 and 7 and we absolutely fell about laughing. And 30 years later we still say it and love it! He says it from 1:30 to 1:45!

@BookShark

Oh, and I forgot to add the rule that if you have a cat on your knee, the other person is on top up duty. Unless it's the rare occasion that they've both decided to show some affection, then it's back to "rock, paper, scissors".

We did it the other day to see who had to go and get the teas at DD's cricket match when we were both quite comfy, thank you, and got a lot of confused looks, yet it's the standard decider in our house.

In our house 'I've got a dog on me' is (provided it's true) a get out from being asked to do anything and a reason to be waited on. It goes back to when we first adopted Ddog and he was nervous of people and wary of being touched. The thinking behind it was that we didn't want to add to his nervousness/discourage him by moving him or making a fuss if he was comfortable cuddling up to someone. Now his nervousness with us has gone it's remained as a house rule.

I may or may not put dog treats in my hoodie pockets in the evenings to improve my changes of being the one with a dog on me!

If the dance comes on during In The Night Garden then everyone in the house has to stop what they’re doing and dance along.

Any minor disagree is settled unequivocally with rock paper scissors. It's always best of three and the winner is final. Works for us rather than arguing over who's making a cuppa, taking washing upstairs, going to get milk from the shop etc