Tell me your house rules

[HangingOver]

Not the "no shoes indoors type", the quirky ones unique to your personalities.

In this house for example, you have to give an "Advanced Crisp Warning", or ACW.

The rule is that, although either party in the household is permitted to partake of the naice crisps whenever he or she chooses, they must give the other party an ACW if they finish the last bag in the house, as we both agree that the sense of crushing disappointment felt when one fancies and then subsequently discovers they cannot have naice crisps is something we don't want to inflict on one another.

We also have Dog Jingles, which are short bursts of song which have to be sung in the car when you spot a particular breed of dog (the jingle describes the characteristics of the breed - Golden Retrievers for example: "Just...So...Happy...To...BE HERE!" sung to jaunty "Taa-daa!" type tune).

Hit me with yours.

we also do Friends double clap, "I see the Sea!" & "Hello - is it me you're looking for?"

when someone says "stop" the replies between "Hammertime" "in the name of love" & "can't stop me now"

whenever someone says "you're wrong" we do Dr Cox's wrong song

When offering a coffee to each other for some reason we say Coffee Kathy? none of us are called Kathy, we don’t know any Kathy’s and we can’t remember how it started.

Whenever I mention my friend Maria or my friend Gaynor DH sings I once met a girl called Maria from Westside story or the pop song Gloria I think they got your number as it was by Gloria Gaynor. He reached peak when we saw Maria in the street during strict lockdown and he sang it across the road to her. We all had cabin fever by that point. She hadn’t known till that point.

If something is a dark colour it’s a very, very, very, very , very dark whatever the colour is, pinched from Father Ted. I did it yesterday to DS GF to describe her hair when she mentioned her hair being a very dark brown as it looks almost black. She looked mystified we had to explain.

Any mention of the word Viking means the humming of the old film
Vikings opening with Tony Curtis in, so a loud fake horn sound.

If the word vessel, chalice or flagon is mentioned DH relates the Danny Kaye Court Jester piece.

We fake shoot caravans on the motorway, I forgot about that as we haven’t had a motorway journey together since lockdown. Can be handgun up to bazooka with noises.

when I ask kids to make a decision they frown and stroke their imaginary beards and say something very mature like "let me take a moment to consider your request".
DS5 is ace at this.
his demeanour often resembles a retired lawyer who lives in a castle and does nothing at speed.
he is the one who says stuff like "mother, today's dinner was satisfying" or "mother, you are an adequate parent" 🤣🤣🤣 I usually say things back like "I'm honoured sir enjoyed his meal" or "Aww, that's sweet, I tolerate you too"

when we need to go and I've run the checklist in my head I often stop and copy this Nick Cage scene in Gone in 60 seconds.

if anyone says 'im hungry' the response has to be 'hi hungry, i'm dad' even though there is no dad in this house xD

kids have to pay 'hug tax' if they pass me in the hallway (obvs i don't force them, but they mostly indulge me)

oh, and when driving, mini's and yellow cars have to be pointed out, loudly.

There is also a little orange car we pass every day on the way to school that DD and i have started pointing out with "L'il Orange Car!" at the tops of out voices.

No farting in anyone's mouth at any time.

@Auntienumber8

DS1 & I call each other Geraldine when we pretend to be posh

just remembered the entirely necessary "Can you put X on?" has to be replied to with some variation of "It doesn't fit" or "what if it doesn't suit me?"

oh when DS5 was little he'd say "So yo mamma" instead of sorry mummy.

so when any of the kids (ages 19y - 6y) do something like spill the milk or drop a spoon they do a fake bottom lip, about to cry voice and say "soyo mamma"

it's quite funny from all of them but DS2 is 17 and 6'7" - the very sight. especially when he hangs his head in fake shame 🤣🤣

@FelicityBeedle I'm wondering what a pair of sex pants looks like, and how they became known as the sex pants in the first place?

Thinking of my own DH's underwear I can't imagine any of them ever getting into the sex pants category!

When you drop ice in a glass you must say Clink. And absolutely must not say Plop. Pets must be conversed with in pet voices - the weirder the better. If you have a pet on your knee the other person gets the drinks (this one must be universal). If he asks Are you the gatekeeper, I have to answer Are you the key master.. (Ghostbusters). We have lots of silly rules - I always hope we are not on an alien version of the Truman Show, goodness knows what they’d make of my house, lol

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

we have to yell horses, cows and sheep (well, sheeps now, thank Jezza) when we see them. obviously I do this by habit even when kids are not in the car

We do this with horses. You have to shout horse on a journey and I guess the person with the most horses wins?

When we move to London there were very few horses so it changed to police cars (popo for short) even though we don't live them anymore we still do the police thing as well as the horse thing.

Loads of these sound so irritating! I'm sure mine are too. But I feel like other people's in jokes are actually quite tiresome if you're actually around them. Anyone else think so?

You have to sing along to the one show opening credits
When entering a caravan for holiday we check cupboards then exclaim 'there's no chip pan'
If you ask someone 'what you had for your tea?' The response to their answer is always 'ooh we'll have that one day'
All Royale Family

Yellow car punch on long car journeys

Shouting 'tracks' as you drive over tracks

As I serve crumble I shout 'let's get ready to crumble'

Not a rule as such, but the cat has a “voice”. We all do the voice, and it can be used to passive aggressively ask someone to do something. The cat calls both the dc “kitten” even though they’re both strapping lads, bigger than me, and one is an actual adult . I don’t like swearing, which is a rule they try to follow out of respect for me (although probably with eye rolling when I’m not looking) so occasionally you hear the word “DUCK” with the relevant amount of passion behind it.

@BookShark

I'd say this is outing, but actually I'm not sure we've admitted it to anyone...

Any holiday has a "plan of jelly" - i e. we have a rough ideas of what we'll do, but it's malleable. See also "rock, paper, scissors" for who has to get up and turn off DD's light at night.

We don't get much...

This made me snort with laughter (sorry BookShark) that you thought it might be outing

It is my partners job to tell me we are low on milk and my job to tut and say ‘again’

If one of us sings ‘doobi, doobi, doop, doo, do’ the other has to finish with ‘ah ah’ eurythmics - no more I love you’s.

DS1 & I call each other Geraldine when we pretend to be posh

whenever someone complains DS4 would offer up the obvious solution, then the other has to thank him
DH: I'm so tired!
DS4: well, don't be
DH: ah, cheers!

me: can't find my key
him: well, find it!
me: brilliant, thanks!

I know it probably sounds very stupid and it is. but now we all do it and we find it bloody hilarious.

I love all these, and think your households must be very fun places! Sadly I don't have anything similar to report from Bloodyhome.

@Yaykyay

Loads of these sound so irritating! I'm sure mine are too. But I feel like other people's in jokes are actually quite tiresome if you're actually around them. Anyone else think so?

@Yaykyay

not to me, especially if you know the origin of the in-joke.

to me all these stories are like hearing more Friday Night Dinner stuff: lovely bit of squirrel, females, I'm boiling, shit on it, horrible grandma, Wilson remain, you look nice Jackie, no I'm Adam....etc

I'm always open for more suggestions on the Dog Jingles front by the way.

Border Collies are the beginning of the chorus of "Work" by Rihanna.

I have so many, everything I do is accompanied by a dance, song or daft voice. DH says that if anyone was recording us I'd be taken away!

DH occasionally joins in but the teenage DSs have grown up with it so humour me

Life is boring without a bit of daftness!

@HangingOver

I'm always open for more suggestions on the Dog Jingles front by the way.

Border Collies are the beginning of the chorus of "Work" by Rihanna.

the dog has his own song.. to the tune of "if you're happy and you know it"

"Theres a Doggy in the way, what a surprise, There's a doggy in the way, what a surprise. He's always underfoot, so remember please to look, coz There's a doggy in the way, what a surprise"

if you a hadn't guessed.. he's ALWAYS underfoot, you have to check first else you'll trip over him/stand on him.