Tell me your house rules

[HangingOver]

Not the "no shoes indoors type", the quirky ones unique to your personalities.

In this house for example, you have to give an "Advanced Crisp Warning", or ACW.

The rule is that, although either party in the household is permitted to partake of the naice crisps whenever he or she chooses, they must give the other party an ACW if they finish the last bag in the house, as we both agree that the sense of crushing disappointment felt when one fancies and then subsequently discovers they cannot have naice crisps is something we don't want to inflict on one another.

We also have Dog Jingles, which are short bursts of song which have to be sung in the car when you spot a particular breed of dog (the jingle describes the characteristics of the breed - Golden Retrievers for example: "Just...So...Happy...To...BE HERE!" sung to jaunty "Taa-daa!" type tune).

Hit me with yours.

Both dogs have theme songs (one is 'That's Amore' but with dog's name inserted; the other is, for reasons lost in time, the irritating jingle from one of the DC's old toys), and if one person starts singing, everyone else has to join in. Also, if you've sung one theme song, you have to do the other dog too, so they don't feel left out.

@greenalltheway yes!! That's the exact voice 😂 I've never actually seen him say it but I feel like it's come from him. Nailed it !

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba I love you and I want to live in your house! Only kidding, but I'd love to be friends with you all and visit you.

We have LOADS. I'll post them as they come to me. A few of our serious rules first.

1. No pork or shellfish is to be brought into the house (I'm Jewish).
2. No talking about politics - especially not Donald Trump - whilst eating.
3. Try to stim and/or meltdown without disturbing the neighbours - not always easy!

Every time DH and I leave the house together: "I've got the key, I've got the secret."

When we're out and see someone driving erratically, we sing (to the tune of Drunken Sailor) "Oh silly man, what are you doing? Oh silly man, what are you doing?"

This one is really outing, but when we pass the football ground of our rival team, we sing, to the tune of Chicory Tip's Son of my Father: "Oh [name of team]! Went to [our team's ground] and they won fuck all!"

Again, very outing if anyone on here knows us, but being huge fans of The Doors, we manage to fit a Doors lyric into just about any situation. For example, waiting for a bus: "Waiting, waiting, waiting. Waiting for the sun!" On a pub crawl "Show me the way to the next whisky bar!" If it's raining: "Faces come out of the rain," or "Riders on the Storm." Driving somewhere: "Keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel!"

Yep, we're cray cray!

aww, thanks @AutistGoth

We elongate the DCats names. Girlcat had one name coming to us, she now has six and we often say them all!

DS finds my height hilarious and the fact I can drive!

We call dessert "desert", TV "television set" and lots of others. I howl with laughter at it all!

We were on holiday in Florence with my mum, and in the Boboli Gardens she tried to persuade my husband to eat a banana she produced from her bag with no warning:
M: ‘Would you like a banana?’
H: ’No thanks’
M: ‘It’s a nice banana’ [said in a very persuasive manner]
So now when offering each other anything, it has to be done this way:
‘Would you like a cup of coffee?’
‘No thanks’
‘It’s a nice cup of coffee’
And we always offer each other a ‘drink of tea’, not a cup or mug.

Take your shoes off

Don't be mean

Don't freak if Mummy drinks wine

Our house is small and if two people squeeze past each other and one bum accidentally touches another you both have to wail ''we touched bums''.
No one can remember how this started.

If anyone drops anything DH will say “sack the juggler”. The DD’s are teens now so it makes it even funnier due to the eye rolling that starts up.

We also call each other Squadron Leader when we are asking the other one to do something. Always said in a super posh voice.

We also have a made up voice for our dog and have entire daft conversations based around this.

When DD2 was little we were having a meal with the in laws and my FIL asked what was good on the menu and DD2 pipes up out of nowhere “I recommend the guacamole” said in a really high pitched voice.

We were in absolute stitches and still say this when anyone picks up a menu. Sadly FIL died in 2019 but it’s a funny memory of a lovely weekend with them.

Great thread OP.

@HangingOver

Every time one of my kids says ‘I wonder’ the whole l family sings wa wa wa wa why you went away…..

I love this. Actually you've just reminded me...when I was a kid NO ONE could say the phrase "How bizarre" without being sung at

I still have to finish the statement "how bizarre" with the do-do-do do-do-do

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

Yeah I hate that show, just don't find it funny. So that's probably an indication of a different sense of humour to this kind of stuff. Although as I probably said it's obviously totally different when it's your own stuff.

When we’re running late for a meal the first person to whine about being hungry gets mock eaten by the others.

When someone asks the time the answer is “half past kissing time, time to kiss again” and there must be a kiss before the actual time can be announced.

Mum tax on any bag of crisps opened in the house

If someone can’t find something that I can find at first glance in the place they were told to look they owe me a euro (hugs accepted in lieu)

My dc all learned to dress themselves because if they asked me to put their shirt/tie/shoes etc on, I’d put it on myself. Apparently that’s not funny it’s hilarious

Another one: if something falls we shout “gravity storm” and cover our heads. And if someone bumps themselves on a piece of furniture the furniture always gets the sympathy.

we've just created a new one - we've decided grandma is a spy!😱🤣
we've "realised" why she does & has certain things - like her hearing aid is actually a listening & recording device, her gentle excercise is disguised martial arts, her gardening is definitely just a cover etc.
and of course she has a file on everyone - all these years pretending to teach the kids she's been secretly training them!!

she laughed so hard at our "discoveries" she had tears in her eyes.
well, obviously that's a trick....😉🤐

I love a brand new running joke, this should be fun!