Should I say something to sister in law...?

[Dandyish10]

SIL has recently had her 2nd baby.
Neither her or my BIL are currently working(BIL is self employed and has very little work)

They already have a 15 month old and have told us they are struggling financially.

I have bags of clothes stored that my DC has outgrown and I thought as a nice gesture I’d offer them to SIL for her DC.

Today I noticed in a Facebook group, that both myself and SIL are in, that SIL is selling the clothes I have given her.
The clothes are all in fantastic condition and decent names like Joules, JoJo, Next, GAP etc.

I’m not sure if she knows I’m in this Facebook group.
I feel quite upset that she’s selling my DC’s clothes for money when I only really gave them to her for her own DC to wear.
If she didn’t like them I’d rather her have given them back to me.

I don’t know whether to say something about it or if I’m just overreacting.

That's fine, but you shouldn't take them on the pretence that you are going to dress your child in them.

There’s no point wasting your energy.

No, I'd come to that conclusion too

We’ve even had a poster saying that some people who use food banks only do so to afford a dress for a night out.

That sounds like a reference to my comment, albeit a twisted version of it. I said that people could do something similar in principle to the discussion at hand, if they wanted to. I'm very happy for you if you think that nobody ever (however rich or poor) manipulates, plays or abuses systems in order to benefit themselves, in a way that many people would consider underhand and dishonest, but I just can't buy that myself.

@ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp

already did sweetie.

I wasn't talking about earlier in the thread, I was referring to your specific quoting of my comments. Usually, if somebody quotes what a PP has said, you would then expect them to follow it up with their opinions/comments and reasons for them, regardless of whether you agree or not. It just reminds me of those boorish backbench MPs who keep shouting "Objection!" over and over again, without ever presenting any actual useful thoughts to take the discussion further.

Sausage, this is what you said as it seems
You can’t remember.
You said that you often wonder… not that people could do…

I often wonder if there is a minority of people using food banks who do actually have enough money for food, but also want something frivolous/unwise. Suppose you have £30 and you need food for the week and also want a nice new outfit for a night out. You know that nobody is going to sub you for the latter, which is the one you can easily do without, so you claim you can't afford the former and, hey presto, you can have both.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll if someone is talking cobblers then it is useful and helpful to tell them so. So they stop talking cobblers.

Those meaningless analogies were more than useless. Glad you've stopped with those.

@Inertia

We tend to hope that baby things we loan out/ pass on will be carefully looked after and then given back/ passed along. In reality, that rarely happens- if you want to use your baby stuff again, just keep hold of it.

I can understand why you feel hurt- you thought you were providing something that your nephew needed, and there’s something of a sentimental attachment to things shared between siblings/ cousins. But if your SIL is really struggling, and you can afford to help, it would be better to help another way (supermarket voucher? Getting them some shopping with your shop ?) rather than giving items which have meaning for you.

I agree with this, when you pass on baby clothes they have often been looked after with care and you are passing on treasured memories with them. In reality, they are just clothes to the person you passed them onto, some will not be to their taste etc.

Saying this, I still think it's cheeky af selling on someone else's baby clothes when they might have been able to sell them themselves had they not have had the generosity to give them to you.

The way I see it is that I was given loads of lovely second hand things when I had my babies, and when the time was right I passed those clothes and any new clothes that I had bought on. They don't really sell for much any way.....

You should have perhaps loaned them to her instead of giving them BUT I still think she was cheeky af selling them on. Struggling or not she was kindly gifted them and she should not be profiting from them by cashing in on OP's kindness!

I would just say something like "I see you are selling the baby clothes that I gave you, instead of doing that please could you hand them back to me when you are finished with them incase we decide to have another baby in the future?". That is isn no way unkind, it doesn't accuse her of anything or make you look unkind, but she will probably be thoroughly embarrassed..... and quite frankly, she deserves to be!

Act sharpish before she flogs then lot!

Sausage, this is what you said as it seems
You can’t remember.
You said that you often wonder… not that people could do…

I often wonder if there is a minority of people using food banks....

I often wonder if - because it would be something that people could easily do. Not that difficult to work out, surely? I didn't realise that strict textual criticism was a thing on MN.

if someone is talking cobblers then it is useful and helpful to tell them so. So they stop talking cobblers.

Those meaningless analogies were more than useless. Glad you've stopped with those.

So glad I've now complied with your personal interpretation of what should be allowed on MN. Do you talk to your friends or colleagues in that same condescending way?

It was an interesting thread, but I think we've probably debated it as far as is helpful now.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll not at all condescending. Quite direct and to the point actually.

But MN is a public forum. Individuals are allowed to post what they like. But also individuals can expect to be called out for talking crap.

I don't think the op needs to say anything to her sister in law about this. When you give something away, it's gone.

I gave all my baby stuff to my cousin and haven't a clue where it went after that. I assumed she would use what she wanted and get rid of any surplus. I honestly never gave it a second thought.