Rude comments from friends

[Battyieoa]

Just wanted to feel I’m not alone

An old friend came to my new home, walked through the door, stopped and said ‘bit small isn’t it?’

No, she wasn’t joking. It was a reasonably pricey house that id worked VERY hard for. She was being a bitch.

Anyone else?!

[ilovesushi]

We had some friends round for lunch a few years ago and the husband examined and criticised every electrical item/ gadget in the house. Basically told us our oven, fridge and radio were rubbish. He started getting cold meats out the back of the fridge to show us how they weren't at the right temperature. I couldn't take it anymore so after lunch hustled everyone out the house for a walk. As we passed our car in the driveway he started on that. It was quite funny but it also made by blood boil at the same time.

[Confusedandshaken]

I am short and very small framed but have huge boobs (30FF). I don't like them but short of surgery there's not a lot I can do about it. I dress to conceal them as much as I can.

Recently (before lockdown 1) in a mixed group of friends I hugged one of them goodbye and as she stepped away she said "oh it's all boobs, boobs, boobs with you isn't it?' I was gobsmacked she could be so very rude and replied that I could hardly deflate them just to hug her but she had already moved onto the next farewell and don't hear me. On another occasion I commented that i had a pedicure the next day and she looked at my feet and said "about time too, they are more like donkeys hooves than toenails.'

I still see her because we are part of a friendship group but now I try and arrange meet-ups when I know she she can't attend. She's a mardy arsed, self centred, bad mannered cow.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

@Howshouldibehave

A “friend” of mine who still lives at home at 39 saw pics of my home and said “is it ex council”….nope but even if it was it’s not a bedroom in my family’s house

I don’t get that. How is it not a bedroom in your family’s house?

I think "friend" must have still been living with her parents.

[notthenever]

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

A “friend” of mine who still lives at home at 39 saw pics of my home and said “is it ex council”….nope but even if it was it’s not a bedroom in my family’s house.
People who can’t be happy for others usually have little, too much negative energy around them.

Why is this an insult? Council houses often had very good space standards and decent gardens. Unlike highly priced modern day private sector new builds.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

@Scarby9

But then you've never been pretty.

Yes!

A school "friend" said something similar to me many years ago.

I was very aware that I had a face that was remarkably plain, and it cut me to the very quick.

[PhannyPharts]

Ok so what we've learnt from this thread is that some people feel there is a stigma to ex council housing and some people don't. We have to use our own knowledge of the person making the comment as to whether they're being bitchy or not.

I would never mean it that way but perhaps now i will consider not asking my friends or passing comment in case they think I'm being snotty.

[notthenever]

@Bluntness100

Oh I hate faux naivety and and that fake bemusement, everyone knows there is a council house look that’s not perceived as a positive. There been many a thread on it, so clearly the implication was the house had that undesirable council house look.

By 'everyone' I think you mean that sub set of people (presumably like you) who look down on council housing and those who live in them.

Some of us genuinely don't think like that.

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

Years ago when I bought my first house, my friend came around for a nose and, when she saw my new fridge freezer, said, ‘Ooh, it’s a dinky little freezer, isn’t it? I always think it’s better to have a bigger freezer; that way you can stock up’. She said it oh-so-proudly, as if she’d imparted a piece of great wisdom (rather than having implied I’d just wasted 300 quid).

To be fair, she was the type who always knew better. She didn’t even want me to buy that house in the first place; she’d seen a better one for less money that I should have bought instead. This was a pattern…

[snowgirl1]

At lunch at DH's best friend's house. DH's best friend says to his DW 'shall we open that bottle of wine that [my] DH gave us?'. His DW responds 'no, we're saving that for friends'...which we're clearly not!

[grapewine]

@snowgirl1

At lunch at DH's best friend's house. DH's best friend says to his DW 'shall we open that bottle of wine that [my] DH gave us?'. His DW responds 'no, we're saving that for friends'...which we're clearly not!

😮

What a bitch.

[DuesToTheDirt]

From a friend (now ex friend) who came to stay

• you should live in a more middle class area (this ftom someone living in a rough area of London)
  
• don't you have your own room where you can get away from everybody? (Er, I like my family)
  
• you need something at that end of the room, it's too bare (who asked you?)
  
• it's very quiet here, aren't you worried about burglars? (a weird one this, since she complained incessantly about her noisy neighbours)
  

Other comments over the years included criticism of my hair on a Skype call - I'd just got out of the shower and didn't realise I was expected to style my hair for this!

[ShaunTheSheepish]

Morning after a night out, friend comes downstairs looks at my (make up free) face and asks what’s wrong with me. I explain this is my skin, I have rosacea. She says I must have amazing make up, she never realised I looked so bad without it 🤦🏼‍♀️ She’s not mean, and would never intentionally hurt my feelings, just a bit thick!

[Georgina125]

My aunt is Queen of rude comments but always excuses herself with "I was only joking", "I just say it as I see it" or "I never said that, you must have misheard". Every time I see her, not often, she makes a big deal of how much weight she thinks I've put on. Last time I saw her she said something similar and I pointed out that I was 6 months pregnant. Her response was "yeah but that doesn't explain your face". Suddenly not guilty that I don't visit often...

[Tvscreen]

Friend told me that she was surprised at how cheap the concert tickets I got her for her 30th bday were (they were £30 so I wouldn’t say cheap). Same friend has has also repeatedly made reference to how small my home is and how narrow my hallway is. She also said she was going to get a small second home similar to our (only) home 😂

[NotMeekNotObedient]

I've had similar about my house being small. They really have no idea how exterionate the house prices are where we live. Friend was also still living at home with mum & dad.

[Sausagis]

Ex-friend walked around my new house without a word, stopped in the kitchen and said "oh well, you can replace the tap I suppose". Kept the tap, dumped the friend (disclaimer: not just for that!!)

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

OnlyFoolsnMothers

A “friend” of mine who still lives at home at 39 saw pics of my home and said “is it ex council”….nope but even if it was it’s not a bedroom in my family’s house.
People who can’t be happy for others usually have little, too much negative energy around them.

I might ask that without a shred of implied judgement.
My house is ex council- I don't understand the stigma. Perhaps your friend was genuinely curious?

I think it's probably all in the tone. Have to say that the ex local authority housing in our street is much better laid out than ours. Taken me years, and lots of cash money pit to knock my house into something vaguely resembling the same proportions.

[whynotwhatknot]

Not friend but family member-ooh youve put on weight havent you-at my dm's funeral

yes that made feel shit on a shit day

[Subbaxeo]

People can be shocking sometimes. I think it was a thoughtless comment rather than anything malicious. They just don’t get how they come across. When I got engaged and showed off my ring at work, one of my colleagues said she was just going to get a magnifying glass. When my brother died and I was showing colleagues pictures of his huge model train installations, same colleague said, ‘We’ll be seeing you on Flog-It then’. Too taken aback to reply on both occasions.

[SamW98]

I don't know if asking if a house is ex council is meant as an insult or not but for me its a very strange thing to ask - it wouldn't ever enter my head that its a normal question to ask someone

[FrownedUpon]

There is definitely a negative view of ex council houses around here, so that comment would really annoy me. Ex council houses are in the less desirable streets/areas here though, so I think it’s about that, rather than the actual house.

[Diverami]

For some reason I don't know, I get a posting every day from QUORA - about NARCISSISTS. It seems to me you have some amongst your "friends"'. Quora postings indicate they should be given short-shrift, ghosted, ignored.

[SpaghettiSpoons]

It's very common language in the country we live to address people as 'madam' or 'sir it's not posh, just cultural.

Anyway the lady who helps me clean the house went on vacation for a month. She came back to work and the first thing she said to me with utter horror was "Oh Madam.....you just look so.........FAT!

Cultural and a compliment apparently....!?! Years later and I've still not forgotten how hurt I felt

[SmudgeButt]

"Does everyone from your country dress like you?"

Which would be fine if I was Indian and was wearing a sari or Scottish and wearing a kilt. But I was wearing jeans, a t shirt and a colourful coordinating scarf. All bought in the UK.

[Bluntness100]

By 'everyone' I think you mean that sub set of people (presumably like you) who look down on council housing and those who live in them.

Are you having a fucking laugh? How presumptuous and idiotic, I grew up council and my father still lives in one.

Cringing for you.