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Original poster

Sister in law brought a cake for DH but not me

174 replies

Ilovelove · 12/06/2021 06:43

Sister in law came over.
I was in the shed doing stuff.
Walked into the kitchen and her and DH were scoffing cake. Both look guilty and body language was very ‘together’.

They were sort of guarding the cake, I was not offered any, it was a bit awkward and so I walked off to do job.

Turns out she made the cake for him and wanted to see him eat a slice and see his face.

I think this weird and and exclusionary and you don’t come around to a family home with a cake for one person or if you do it still gets offered to be shared.

DH says she just wanted to do a nice thing for him. (Not birthday or a reason)

I think both of them were weird and exclusionary.

OP posts:
Littlelegs2 · 12/06/2021 10:40

Maybe it was a hash cake and they did not want you to know.

But yeah if she excludes you from photos etc then it seems she has an issue with you and husband should be pulling her up on that. She going to carry it on for a life time.

princessandthedragon · 12/06/2021 10:42

She doesn’t like you and it was very rude of her to exclude you. My ILs were like this with me and I put up with it for years. I confronted them about it but of course they lied and denied everything so now I don’t waste any of my time or effort on them anymore. It’s sad I don’t have a relationship but that’s down to their meanness.

Sonofabiscuit · 12/06/2021 10:50

[quote Jellybabiesforbreakfast]@Sonofabiscuit. I realise that most people are much more capable of taking the moral high ground than me, but aren't you ever tempted to do the same?[/quote]
Oh yes I'm tempted and dreams of it .

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SpilltheTea · 12/06/2021 10:51

Bit weird for her to be so precious about a bloody cake. It sounds like she has form for being a twat. I'd ignore her childish behaviour, but DH at least should have offered. He needs to grow a pair and stop allowing her to treat you like shit.

ICanSmellSummerComing · 12/06/2021 10:54

Woke fest

I am where you are, one has to come to a point, they do not care about my feelings, why on earth am I caring so much about theirs

AmyDudley · 12/06/2021 10:56

Does he have form for pulling outlandish faces when eating cake ?
If not she sounds rude and mad. I'd have just asked though, 'are you two sharing or are you going to pig the lot of it yourselves, oink oink?'

LadyEloise · 12/06/2021 11:08

SIL comes with cake. I'm in the shed so she and dh crack on eating it. You come into the room. Do you say hello or just leave again on seeing her ?
Personally I'd say "Oh cake ! How lovely. I'm just going to get a cuppa."
No drama. Shock

TellingBone · 12/06/2021 11:14

@Ilovelove

"Turns out she made the cake for him and wanted to see him eat a slice and see his face."

Who told you this?

Did she bring cake and banana bread? Or just cake? Or just banana bread? If the latter and you're eating it then it's not guarded is it?

So many questions Confused

ArosGartref · 12/06/2021 11:22

I think maybe it's OP's bias that makes the incident sound like something out of game of thrones.

banana bread is not cake

SiobhanSharpe · 12/06/2021 11:33

The thing about banana bread is that it's loaf-shaped so you can cut a thick slice and butter it.
Although DS was horrified when he saw me doing it and said 'are you actually eating buttered cake?
Yup.

FAQs · 12/06/2021 11:36

@LadyEloise

SIL comes with cake. I'm in the shed so she and dh crack on eating it. You come into the room. Do you say hello or just leave again on seeing her ? Personally I'd say "Oh cake ! How lovely. I'm just going to get a cuppa." No drama. Shock
Agree!
ScottishNewbie · 12/06/2021 11:51

That's incredibly rude and I would have been very hurt if I were you.
I think it's so important for SIL's to make extra effort as it's quite normal for there to be a little bit of tension.
I'm sorry she acted that way towards you.
My DH would have immediately told me to sit down and offered some cake, so it sounds like your DH didn't handle it very well.

CorporateReject · 12/06/2021 12:01

I don't see the problem but immediately thought Is it a hash cake? like a pp.

2bazookas · 12/06/2021 12:03

I'd just have helped myself to the cake.

isthismylifenow · 12/06/2021 12:10

I have a very close relationship with my brother, and this is easily something we would do. I can't bake for shit so if I had made a banana loaf (which is not a cake) it's not impossible that I'd go around to his and cut off the end and make him taste it first. As y'know it's possible it could be really shite banana loaf. If his wife entered, she would not take the huff, she knows that we are close and do stupid stuff sometimes.

Just because you got married does not mean a relationship with a sibling has to change. After all they have known each other way longer than you have.

It is very possible that this is something that stemmed from their childhood days, ie claiming the first bit of loaf.

I think some of these replies are quite bonkers in all honesty. And dare I say, a bit princessy.

Or maybe a lot of posters don't have a similar relationship with a sibling.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/06/2021 12:17

@isthismylifenow

I have a very close relationship with my brother, and this is easily something we would do. I can't bake for shit so if I had made a banana loaf (which is not a cake) it's not impossible that I'd go around to his and cut off the end and make him taste it first. As y'know it's possible it could be really shite banana loaf. If his wife entered, she would not take the huff, she knows that we are close and do stupid stuff sometimes.

Just because you got married does not mean a relationship with a sibling has to change. After all they have known each other way longer than you have.

It is very possible that this is something that stemmed from their childhood days, ie claiming the first bit of loaf.

I think some of these replies are quite bonkers in all honesty. And dare I say, a bit princessy.

Or maybe a lot of posters don't have a similar relationship with a sibling.

What if his wife was in the room? Your relationship with your sibling is all very well, but it's his wife's home too, you don't get to do your "stupid stuff" whilst excluding her, surely?
Moonwatcher1234 · 12/06/2021 12:30

Going against the grain but...I think it’s okay? Siblings have their own relationship and actually it’s quite sweet she made her brother a cake? I keep out of my husbands relationship with his siblings and same with him and my sisters. Police obviously but they have their own in jokes etc and I don’t expect or want to be part of it.

Moonwatcher1234 · 12/06/2021 12:30

Polite, not police!

isthismylifenow · 12/06/2021 12:34

What if his wife was in the room? Your relationship with your sibling is all very well, but it's his wife's home too, you don't get to do your "stupid stuff" whilst excluding her, surely?

Firstly OP wasn't in the room at first by the sounds of it. My SIL would probably walk in and ask what we are up to. And is the banana loaf safe enough for her to have a slice. Then she may or may not have a piece and then life carries on. I doubt very much she would be offended in any way.

Trinacham · 12/06/2021 12:41

Yeah, doesn't sound normal at all. I don't think my SIL would do something like that, and I wouldn't do it to any of my SILs either.

ExitChasedByABee · 12/06/2021 12:50

This is clearly more of a DH problem and you and your SIL, your husband’s sister, clearly don’t seem to like each other. And that’s ok, we don’t need to like everyone. He could have easily asked you to come and join in.

He seems to have a close relationship with his sister and for whatever reason you, on the other hand, aren’t so close to her. If his sister is deliberately trying to exclude you, then he should speak to her about it. If he doesn’t see what she’s doing wrong, then you might as well as being talking to a brick wall. There are also might be a chance that as she might have had form for excluding you, you might automatically see every interaction in a more negative slant when there might not be any intention to cause any harm.

I’m not sure why you didn’t go ahead and grab a slice instead of waiting to be offered one. It’s your house and you shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home. If she really meant to exclude you and she made it clear, verbally, that you weren’t to have any then that would have made it a bit more obvious. If he too was “guarding” the cake then I’d take more issue with that really.

PutYourBackIntoit · 12/06/2021 13:01

I get this OP. Feeling excluded is rotten, and I have witnessed slightly competitive brother/sister relationships on both sides of my family.

I find it strange the sil's arrival was not announced (not in a formal way but in a 'hey sil is here!' way). We would do this for any visitor to the house.

I think you are purposefully being excluded and you'll be gaslit if you bring it up. So I'd be bright and breezy as much as you can with sil, but pick dh up on the fact that you'd like to know when there's a visitor in the house, so you can be prepared.

HelloILoveYou · 12/06/2021 13:46

Those kind of extend family dynamics can be a problem. It's hard to know if someone is doing it deliberately to cause trouble or not.

I have/had a similar issue with with my younger sister. When she'd visit she'd always ask how work was going for DH, ask if he'd like to have a drink in the evening, etc. It was as if she was visiting him rather than me! Her marriage is not great, and my geeky techy husband is always helpful and kind and (appears to be ... but is not so much in reality) interested in people. At times I think she has a "thing" for him, about 80% certain I'd say. Just super annoying for me.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 12/06/2021 15:17

@RealhousewifeofStoke

She’s an incestuous drug dealer natch.

And of COURSE banana bread is cake.

@RealhousewifeofStoke

🤣
true story

Diva66 · 13/06/2021 18:25

My SiL often does shit like this and it’s deliberate. She visited a deer farm and bought a pack of 2 venison burgers for us. She cam round the next day, gave my husband the opened pack with one venison burger in it and said she’d been hungry the night before and ate mine. Did a similar thing with a box containing 2 cupcakes, said she decided I wouldn’t want one. I had a half eaten block of cheese and a packet of cheap crackers in a carrier bag as a present one Christmas. I decided ages ago she’s a complete bitch and just laugh about it now.