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Original poster

Sister in law brought a cake for DH but not me

174 replies

Ilovelove · 12/06/2021 06:43

Sister in law came over.
I was in the shed doing stuff.
Walked into the kitchen and her and DH were scoffing cake. Both look guilty and body language was very ‘together’.

They were sort of guarding the cake, I was not offered any, it was a bit awkward and so I walked off to do job.

Turns out she made the cake for him and wanted to see him eat a slice and see his face.

I think this weird and and exclusionary and you don’t come around to a family home with a cake for one person or if you do it still gets offered to be shared.

DH says she just wanted to do a nice thing for him. (Not birthday or a reason)

I think both of them were weird and exclusionary.

OP posts:
FAQs · 12/06/2021 08:15

Could it have been the first time she had made it and wanted to see if he liked it? But there was enough for you because you had some this morning, she might have thought it was strange you left the room. Did you say hello to each other or ignore each other, suspect you both were equally distant.

skippy67 · 12/06/2021 08:18

@DinosaurDiana

An apology isn’t really good enough. He allowed and colluded in his sister’s rude behaviour. He should have been adult enough to offer you a slice.
Blimey!
frazzledasarock · 12/06/2021 08:24

This is so odd.

Both the H & SIL’s behaviour. I can’t imagine my DH trying to quietly eat anything brought to our house without asking if I wanted some and then if it did happen not offering me any if I walked in to find him eating something.

Is your husband normally deprived of cake?

He sounds about two, Altho my two year old would offer me a bite.

It’s the excluding you and trying to make out they’re enjoying something amazing without you. Why’s your husband participate in such idiotic childish behaviour?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General food
HollowTalk · 12/06/2021 08:25

[quote rattlemehearties]@HollowTalk It's her husband's sister.[/quote]
Yes, I know!

Dozer · 12/06/2021 08:25

‘Blimey’ what? So rude of him to ‘guard’ the cake!

SiL said she ‘wanted to see his face’ when he tasted it. That’s weird IMO.

MaudebeGonne · 12/06/2021 08:27

Is it a hash cake?

Melitza · 12/06/2021 08:29

@Ilovelove be sure to text sil. Thanks for banana bread, dh says it's nearly as good as mine. I agree.

TatianaBis · 12/06/2021 08:34

Very weird.

LizzieSiddal · 12/06/2021 08:39

Does your DH know this isn’t the first time his sister has been mean to you?

He needs to step up and be supportive to you when she’s being mean!

30degreesandmeltinghere · 12/06/2021 08:41

She was staking her claim and not over the cake..

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 12/06/2021 08:43

I kind of get how you feel. My BIL (dhs brother) and his wife (Sil) don't like me. I don't know why but they haven't in the whole 10 years I've known them. Dh in the beginning was it's all in your head or that BIL and sil hate everyone.

However last year after lockdown mil and FIL said to me "sil says she can't wait to meet with you and have one of our nice little chats again." mil and FIL laughed and then said sarcastically "yeh like she always talked to you before". So that pretty much cemented it that FIL and mil knew about it too.

BTW mil and FIL are awesome, love them loads and they are great. After that incident dh admitted yeh sil and BIL don't like me. So now I won't make any effort to go out of my way to see them if I don't have to. Talking dd out for her bday with my brothers family, dh asked if we should invite his brothers family. I said sure, but I won't be going if you do. I know I might sound pretty but they would spend the whole time ignoring me and trying to exclude me. We haven't seen them since before march 2020 lockdown. It's been bliss Grin

3Britnee · 12/06/2021 08:45

Turns out she made the cake for him and wanted to see him eat a slice and see his face.

ConfusedConfusedConfused

Thisusedtobeaniceneighbourhood · 12/06/2021 08:46

These relationships can be tricky.

I have two SIL. One I got on with very well for a number of years, but thawed slightly when she met her DH (who is tedious), and haven’t been close to really at all since we had children (different ideas about parenting). We are currently not talking following some beef.

Other SIL is very much younger than DH (but still very much an adult post university when we met). She was awful to me for about the first 5 years of my relationship with DH, but then has a rep for being quite frosty in general. I very much experienced the ‘competitive sister’ that @HollowTalk mentioned. Early in our relationship it was not uncommon for them to go on holiday together! Over time she has mellowed, but I did find her demands (and the hold she had over DH) tedious at the time.

Ultimately, we are not close and we don’t have to be. But she shouldn’t be rude to you, and your DH should not facilitate any rudeness.

skippy67 · 12/06/2021 08:47

@Dozer

‘Blimey’ what? So rude of him to ‘guard’ the cake!

SiL said she ‘wanted to see his face’ when he tasted it. That’s weird IMO.

Well, it seems as though the SIL doesn't like the OP. Not ideal, but not uncommon. No biggie. All this talk of collusion, and etc is a bit much though.
lottiegarbanzo · 12/06/2021 08:47

I know brothers and sisters with relationships like this. Where the sister slightly hero-worships the brother and thinks no woman is good enough for him. Hates or barely tolerates his girlfriends, except the one or two she has personally approved. Would rather be right than have him happy in some imperfect way.

It's a bit like that type of mother who wants to keep her darling son to herself, forever!

4PawsGood · 12/06/2021 08:49

Oh, I see she did leave it with you. I think it’s a non event then.

Twickytwo · 12/06/2021 09:15

I remember the thread with the title 'All SILs are bitches', the OP was quite oblivious to the fact that she too was a SIL.
I think a lot of women are uncomfortable with their husbands having relationships with other women even if they are blood relatives.
My DIL and her sister are very close and her sister will drop in with a chocolate croissant for them to share over coffee. It would never occur to my son to start a thread on Dadsnet, complaining that he had been excluded but then he is not controlling about her relationship with family members.

PurpleRainDancer · 12/06/2021 09:26

@BananaSpanner

But presumably she isn’t taking the leftover cake away with her so she would assume you would eat some if you wanted anyway? Once she’s given the cake to your husband, it’s for him to offer you some and if you need to wait for your husband to offer you some cake that is sitting in your own kitchen then you have bigger problems than your sister in law.
This

’weird and exclusionary’ Give your head a wobble Hmm

Bluntness100 · 12/06/2021 09:28

So basically to cut a long petty story short you don’t like each other.

MagicSummer · 12/06/2021 09:33

What's wrong with a brother and sister having a private 'in' joke which is perhaps what this was about? Either way, can't see the problem. And she is 'more' of an aunt to her other siblings' children as she is a blood relative, which you are not. I always reference my uncle's wife to other people as 'aunt by marriage'.

WokeFest · 12/06/2021 09:38

I too have a very annoying SIL that has been a pain in the arse for 28 years. She is a 50-year old spoilt brat who is the most self-centered and self-indulged person I have ever met. It is beyond belief. I can only describe our relationship as one where she has had to go to great lengths to put me in my place, at the bottom of the pile so as not to threaten her place in the family. It's like being in a pack of wild animals.

As a result, I have not been allowed to have a relationship with my MIL, as she is not even allowed to go for a coffee with me without upsetting SIL.

That is their loss though. DH and I have a great life and lovely DG which they rarely get to see because of their treatment of me. I go to great lengths to make sure we are unavailable and busy when I know they will be looking to hook up e.g. bank holidays, Easter, summer holidays, etc. MIL has mellowed a lot and told me she has made mistakes with me, but it is too late. She is only saying this as ours are the only DGC and she wants to be included in the lovely things we do. Now I only feel indifference towards them and I don't care about their feelings. They never cared about mine.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 12/06/2021 09:38

As a pp said, thank her for the cake, and maybe have a little dig about how it probably would have been perfect if you had been offered a fresh slice yesterday when she brought it over and didn't offer to share.

She is weird AF and I don't think you have anything to lose by putting her in her place and concentrating on getting your dh more on side...if he has apologised he must see her bad behaviour.
He probably thought he'd not have to deal with it as you were elsewhere.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/06/2021 09:41

"Wanting to see his face" as he devoured her cake is a bit weird, yes

supermoonrising · 12/06/2021 09:44

If you are scoffing cake and then someone else you know walks in the room it’s unfriendly not to offer them some if there is still cake available. But I wouldn’t call it a big deal. Many people are just somewhat unfriendly and self absorbed in the modern world.

SempreSuiGeneris · 12/06/2021 09:44

You appear to either have an oddly territorial relationship with your DH or with cake or possibly both.