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Original poster

Sister in law brought a cake for DH but not me

174 replies

Ilovelove · 12/06/2021 06:43

Sister in law came over.
I was in the shed doing stuff.
Walked into the kitchen and her and DH were scoffing cake. Both look guilty and body language was very ‘together’.

They were sort of guarding the cake, I was not offered any, it was a bit awkward and so I walked off to do job.

Turns out she made the cake for him and wanted to see him eat a slice and see his face.

I think this weird and and exclusionary and you don’t come around to a family home with a cake for one person or if you do it still gets offered to be shared.

DH says she just wanted to do a nice thing for him. (Not birthday or a reason)

I think both of them were weird and exclusionary.

OP posts:

isthismylifenow · 12/06/2021 07:22

Are you saying banana bread is cake?

I know it's missing the point of the thread but this need clearing up..

MrsBongiovi · 12/06/2021 07:34

So your husband is ok with his sister excluding you and making comments about you? I wouldn’t stand for that.

Lovemusic33 · 12/06/2021 07:40

It was just cake. I don’t really see the issue, she made a cake for her brother and wanted him to try a slice in front of her to see if he liked it? It was a gift for him? Your dh should have offered you a slice when you came in, not her.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General food

DinosaurDiana · 12/06/2021 07:44

An apology isn’t really good enough. He allowed and colluded in his sister’s rude behaviour. He should have been adult enough to offer you a slice.

Reallyreallyborednow · 12/06/2021 07:44

Turns out she made the cake for him and wanted to see him eat a slice and see his face

No one else think this is wierd? Making a cake so you can watch someone eat it?

If I make a cake a “that was lovely, thanks”, is appreciation enough. I don’t need to sit and gaze at them while they eat it so I can witness exactly how much they’ve enjoyed it….

DinosaurDiana · 12/06/2021 07:46

Is anyone else thinking this sounds, in some small way, sexual ?

4PawsGood · 12/06/2021 07:47

What happened to the rest of the cake? If it was left at yours then that’s all fine. If she took it then that’s really shitty of her and him.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 12/06/2021 07:49

I think both of them were weird and exclusionary.

And rude. I’m glad DH apologised. Next time she is rude to you I would be commenting on it, to him in private afterwards if you prefer.

cariadlet · 12/06/2021 07:50

It seems quite natural for them to start eating the cake without you if you were outside pottering in the shed, especially if it was just an ordinary cake rather than a celebration cake such as a birthday cake. No need to call you in for that.

I don't understand why you would have to be invited to share the cake when you came in. As pp have said the normal reaction would be to exclaim how lovely it was for SIL to have brought cake and then to have got a plate and cut yourself a slice.

I also got a bit confused by the update when you said that you were going off to eat banana bread. Was that the cake that caused the problem? If so, there's even less reason to be upset as SIL had left it; presumably she didn't expect your dh to eat all of the banana bread himself.

It sounds like your dh has a good relationship with his sister (which is a great thing) and you feel that she doesn't like you. It's impossible to know whether that's true or not because we can't see get body language or hear her tone of voice but that feeling you have could be making you very sensitive to perceived slights and leading you to interpret everything in the worst possible light.

SymphonyofShadows · 12/06/2021 07:50

Is she really young? She sounds it. If she’s 15 it would make more sense.

CommanderBurnham · 12/06/2021 07:52

Text her to thank her and say you and DH have enjoyed the cake this morning with a wink emoji.

Roselilly36 · 12/06/2021 07:53

Sorry for how this made you feel OP. I am sure there is a backstory. My SIL’s have never been friendly to me either. Having said that they have treated their brother badly too. Their loss.

Nuggetnugget · 12/06/2021 07:53

It's really strange and rude. Lack of manners on their part.

spotcheck · 12/06/2021 07:54

@isthismylifenow

Are you saying banana bread is cake?

I know it's missing the point of the thread but this need clearing up..

I think it's somehow different, but I don't know why

Did SIL bring a whole loaf?

HollowTalk · 12/06/2021 07:54

It's not uncommon for some sisters in law to act like the guy's girlfriend and see themselves in competition with his wife. I think that's what's happening here.

diddl · 12/06/2021 07:55

@Reallyreallyborednow

Turns out she made the cake for him and wanted to see him eat a slice and see his face

No one else think this is wierd? Making a cake so you can watch someone eat it?

If I make a cake a “that was lovely, thanks”, is appreciation enough. I don’t need to sit and gaze at them while they eat it so I can witness exactly how much they’ve enjoyed it….

Absolutely weird!

rattlemehearties · 12/06/2021 07:58

@HollowTalk It's her husband's sister.

UnwantedGain · 12/06/2021 07:58

That’s weird. I wouldn’t even touch her cake after you’ve said how she treats you.

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 12/06/2021 08:03

Turns out she made the cake for him and wanted to see him eat a slice and see his face

The only reason I'd do that to my brother was if it was some sort of prank cake with chilli or something in

Theunamedcat · 12/06/2021 08:04

Why didn't he call you in? Is that not a normal thing to do when guests come over? In my family we all show our faces and greet people even if we go back to what we were doing after

TheoMeo · 12/06/2021 08:07

I assume they were close (or she thought they were) before he met you and is now peeved you're the one close to him.
Perhaps discuss it with DH but I doubt you can change the dynamic until she has her own family and is less interested in DH.

DumplingsAndStew · 12/06/2021 08:07

To me, that would suggest there was something in the cake that shouldn't be in the cake, and she only wanted him to eat it.

E.g. something substituted for something nasty
Or some sort of drug?

Mumdiva99 · 12/06/2021 08:08

So actually you are the winner here. You didn't want it last joght and now you have it for breakfast instead. Yummy.

Kill her with kindness (and just living your life happily with your husband). If she really doesn't like you and wants to cause issues nothing will infuriate her more than you not giving a shit and not arguing with your husband about it.

Dozer · 12/06/2021 08:13

So weird not to offer you any.

Would speak to your H further about SiL’s behaviour and how he manages it.

The photos thing isn’t minor, and you’re not being ‘over sensitive’. Would stop her being the ‘photographer’.

Would also adjust your ‘boundaries’, eg how much time you and the DC spend with her, any time she’s in sole charge of the DC.

Whosaidit · 12/06/2021 08:15

[quote rattlemehearties]@HollowTalk It's her husband's sister.[/quote]
I think hollowtalk realised that. Maybe I’m wrong but I think so, I read it as some men’s sisters feel in competition with said man’s wife

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