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Original poster

Not consenting to child in public photos at school

160 replies

redheadonatractor · 11/06/2021 13:05

Hi,

When my child started school we ticked the box to say we do not consent to them being photographed for public use - ie on the school website and on promotional materials, leaflets and what have you. We did consent for them to be pictured for internal things (we had to choose one, both or none). So we're fine with child being on group photos for things like Tapestry and similar that are only seen by other parents, but not on the website or leaflets that are put out for the public. This is for safety reasons, but we didn't have to specify why.

Now since then (YR) I have been contacted twice by the school office to ask if my child can be used on a group photo for the website, with the picture sent to me. I have said no both times, we don't consent and that her face is clearly visible on the photos.

Now I've been contacted by the office again, saying that our child is starting to notice that she's being asked to step aside for photos and can we explain to her why. We can't explain to her why. She's five years old and the reason why would worry and scare her. I've explained to the school (just that, no further detail) and said that could they not just stand her at the end and then not get her in the picture or crop her off? They've said this isn't really possible. Apparently she's the only child in the school that doesn't have consent. They also take 'children at play' photos - I've said if they're doing that can they not distract DD with something else for a moment and take the photo without her in it?

I'm not sure where we go from here. Once child is older we will be able to explain more, but she has additional needs and resulting anxiety as it is. She also has 1-1 TA support at all times so surely it shouldn't be hard to distract her in the moment it takes to take a photo? It is a very well staffed, small class (ratio 1:5) so I really don't think I'm being unreasonable, but perhaps I am so I thought I'd see what other people think!

OP posts:
ChessieFL · 11/06/2021 13:07

YANBU. You obviously have a good reason and the school should accept this and deal with it.

BerthaJune12 · 11/06/2021 13:09

Not unreasonable at all - if you've already responded to the consent form they really shouldn't keep asking and all your workarounds so DD doesn't notice sounds feasible to me. As someone with similar concerns it's just one of those things that are non-negotiable - just keep putting your foot down!

Everyday21 · 11/06/2021 13:10

I think if you're the one not wanting her in photos (which is a faff for the school but your right to choose) then you should fully explain to your child why they are being excluded

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Theluggagerules · 11/06/2021 13:12

You don't need to explain, just repeat to the school that it's a safeguarding issue and if they continue to ask you'll take it further

namechange30455 · 11/06/2021 13:12

@Everyday21

I think if you're the one not wanting her in photos (which is a faff for the school but your right to choose) then you should fully explain to your child why they are being excluded
The kid is 5. Can you really not imagine any reasons that would not be appropriate to "fully explain" to a 5 year old?
FelicityPike · 11/06/2021 13:13

Can they not just put a smiley face sticker thing over her face it the photo?
That’s what our school does.

ChicChaos · 11/06/2021 13:13

While I don't think you are unreasonable to not want her photo taken, if the class is very small it is going to be really obvious to your DD that she's being excluded from the photo.

For an out-of-school activity I know that the leaders used to blur the face of a child who couldn't have their photo published, so the child would get a printed copy with them in it and the version for everyone else would have the blurring on. Depends on the numbers involved though.

Could you explain to your DD that it's your choice not to have her photo taken without going into the real reason at this stage?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 11/06/2021 13:14

@FelicityPike

Can they not just put a smiley face sticker thing over her face it the photo? That’s what our school does.
This^ it's really not hard!
Nightbear · 11/06/2021 13:15

I’d ask for a meeting to discuss it and make sure that they are fully aware that it’s a safeguarding issue.

Charliebradbury · 11/06/2021 13:18

It's difficult really because obviously you have every right to exclude your child from these photos and obv have good reason. However in a small school I can imagine it would be very difficult to make it so a 5 year old doesn't notice. My dd's school is small and whatever they did I can imagine it would be obvious she was been singled out. Could you tell your dd that you have chosen not to have her photo put on the Internet without going into too much detail.

joystir59 · 11/06/2021 13:19

I think it's against the spirit of child safeguarding and is bullying for you to be put under pressure in this way.

Gardenwalldilema · 11/06/2021 13:20

Children absolutely do notice, a girl in dd's class apparently cries regularly as she isn't allowed in photos.
You need to have a conversation with your child.

GreenCrayon · 11/06/2021 13:20

As someone who used to teach this age group I'd be really cross at the constant requests and the teachers inability to work around her not being photographed, it's not an uncommon situation and it doesn't take much to work around it.

Even in a small class it's not hard to take a few different pictures and use one of those for the website if necessary or ask her to do a job if you need a whole class picture taken.

I'd be quite blunt with that school that they are the ones clearly making this into a big deal if she's noticing it. You are under no obligation to give her the full story as to why she cannot be in the pictures because she is 5 years old and there's plenty of time in future for those conversations when she can properly comprehend them.

KateTheEighth · 11/06/2021 13:24

The school just need to work round it and accept that your dd mustn't be in photos or not take any photos at all.

They are being appallingly naive.

Safeguarding isn't something you pause just so you can get a nice picture of the children picking flowers/making cakes or whatever

saraclara · 11/06/2021 13:24

Yep. You've made a decision which you expect the school to abide by, and you've put them in the position of managing your child's confusion. The latter is unfair. It's down to you to explain to your child why they can't be in photos. I don't know what explanation you can give, but then neither do the school. It's your responsibility I'm afraid.

drawerofwater · 11/06/2021 13:27

It’s up to YOU to explain that she can’t be in photos (if not the exact reason). why should the school have to upset her by keeping her out of them but no one is telling her why?

Whyhello · 11/06/2021 13:28

It sounds like the school are making a big deal over this which is totally unnecessary. At my DC’s school they just add a sticker over the face of children without consent.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 11/06/2021 13:30

YANBU to ask for her picture not to be used but YABU to expect the school to include her and then faff around cropping her out. If I were the school, I would just say to your DD that her parents have chosen for her not to be in the photo. Then you as parents can tell her what you like later.

youngandbroken · 11/06/2021 13:31

My daughters school and the nursery she went to blurs out the face of any child who isn't allowed their picture shown its not that difficult. The school shouldn't be othering any student - and by drawing attention to the fact that your daughter isn't to have her picture taken that's what they are doing. There are many reasons why it might be important to not have pictures on a public domain and the school should be very aware of that.

Checkingout811 · 11/06/2021 13:34

You need to tell her. Just say “me and dad don’t want you in the photos”

Our school does what @FelicityPike said but again; only one child in the whole school and she’s in care so I assume that’s why.

Castlepeak · 11/06/2021 13:34

Your request for privacy is reasonable.
The school’s request for you to give your child some form of explanation is also reasonable.

She is 5. She isn’t a baby any more and she and the other kids are going to notice that she is being pulled to the side of every photo. You don’t have to tell her the full story, but you have to tell her something. It could be as simple as “family policy not to post pictures online”. It’s not a lie, it’s just an explanation at a 5 year olds level. If pressed you can even talk about how internet images can be stolen and end up in ads or on t-shirts. Again, also not a lie. Not your main reason, but part of why you need to keep the picture contained because it’s circulation would negate whatever privacy you are trying to maintain.

Oakmaiden · 11/06/2021 13:34

Do you actually have a specific reason why your child can't be in these photos, or is it just a generalised "stranger danger" type reason?

EssentialHummus · 11/06/2021 13:34

It sounds like your need for DD to have privacy overrides (rightly, imo) the school’s desire to change photos on their website. I’d write to the head and perhaps explain the reason and ask that they put a stop to it. In practice, how many whole class photos of every class do they need on social media in one academic year? Why can’t they work around this?

EssexCat · 11/06/2021 13:35

@GreenCrayon

As someone who used to teach this age group I'd be really cross at the constant requests and the teachers inability to work around her not being photographed, it's not an uncommon situation and it doesn't take much to work around it.

Even in a small class it's not hard to take a few different pictures and use one of those for the website if necessary or ask her to do a job if you need a whole class picture taken.

I'd be quite blunt with that school that they are the ones clearly making this into a big deal if she's noticing it. You are under no obligation to give her the full story as to why she cannot be in the pictures because she is 5 years old and there's plenty of time in future for those conversations when she can properly comprehend them.

Yes. I do a job where this is a regular issue and the adults on charge just distract the child, or loads are taken but only the correct ones used and the others deleted.

Further up the school children of course may know they aren’t allowed in pictures but this age is pretty easy to distract/fool tbh.

GreenCrayon · 11/06/2021 13:38

she and the other kids are going to notice that she is being pulled to the side of every photo.

As I said above I've taught this age group and its really not difficult to not make a big song and dance about it. You don't need to pull the child to one side, if done discreetly then the child doesn't even need to know they weren't in the picture they want to use of the website, especially if they are in some pictures which will be used on the app.