Not consenting to child in public photos at school

[redheadonatractor]

Hi,

When my child started school we ticked the box to say we do not consent to them being photographed for public use - ie on the school website and on promotional materials, leaflets and what have you. We did consent for them to be pictured for internal things (we had to choose one, both or none). So we're fine with child being on group photos for things like Tapestry and similar that are only seen by other parents, but not on the website or leaflets that are put out for the public. This is for safety reasons, but we didn't have to specify why.

Now since then (YR) I have been contacted twice by the school office to ask if my child can be used on a group photo for the website, with the picture sent to me. I have said no both times, we don't consent and that her face is clearly visible on the photos.

Now I've been contacted by the office again, saying that our child is starting to notice that she's being asked to step aside for photos and can we explain to her why. We can't explain to her why. She's five years old and the reason why would worry and scare her. I've explained to the school (just that, no further detail) and said that could they not just stand her at the end and then not get her in the picture or crop her off? They've said this isn't really possible. Apparently she's the only child in the school that doesn't have consent. They also take 'children at play' photos - I've said if they're doing that can they not distract DD with something else for a moment and take the photo without her in it?

I'm not sure where we go from here. Once child is older we will be able to explain more, but she has additional needs and resulting anxiety as it is. She also has 1-1 TA support at all times so surely it shouldn't be hard to distract her in the moment it takes to take a photo? It is a very well staffed, small class (ratio 1:5) so I really don't think I'm being unreasonable, but perhaps I am so I thought I'd see what other people think!

@Everyday21

I think if you're the one not wanting her in photos (which is a faff for the school but your right to choose) then you should fully explain to your child why they are being excluded

Oh don't be ridiculous. Should I have told my 5 year old that they couldn't be in school photos because daddy might find us and try to harm/kill us (again)? There's obviously a good reason why the OP doesn't want her child in photos. That reason does not need to be shared with a small child.

One of my daughters cant be in photos - she's a little older now but at 5 she knew exactly why. Now hers was an ok reason to explain so it was easier but whatever the reason for your child, I can guarantee they are making up reasons in their head - whether consciously or unconsciously and the reasons probably end up with her thinking it's something she's done wrong. The school are wrong to pressure you but they are right that it has to be your explanation. You need to find a watered down version of the truth that you can explain to her so she doesn't feel like it's her fault and so it doesnt come up as a trust issue later (why didn't you tell me - you've been lying to me, I can't trust you). It's not easy.
And for the school abs her feeling left out, ours take two photos one with abs one without abs for the one without they ask her to come abs check the pic on the screen to "help them" make sure it's ok. My daughter loves to be the helper!

@drawerofwater

It’s up to YOU to explain that she can’t be in photos (if not the exact reason). why should the school have to upset her by keeping her out of them but no one is telling her why?

It's really not. It's common for children not to appear in photos for safeguarding reasons. The school should understand this and have policies and practices to deal with this, especially for younger children who would not have the maturity to understand the consequences and risks. If the school don't understand a common safeguarding practice, that's quite worrying.

I'd ask for the sticker or blurred out face thing. But if you're not happy with that approach I think you do need to tell your daughter something appropriate to minimise the sense of exclusion she feels. That's the consequence of the decision you've made, it's not a decision that the school has made so why should they have to manage the fall out?

@FelicityPike

Can they not just put a smiley face sticker thing over her face it the photo? That’s what our school does.

This is what our school does too.

For the “at play” photos, our school generally gets the kids who don’t have permission to publish to then their backs to the camera, and the teacher takes the photos from various angles where those kids’ faces aren’t seen. Our school is excellent about privacy like this.

You aren't being unreasonable of course, but neither is the school in asking you. They obviously have your child's interests at heart and so are explaining to you that she notices now that she doesn't have her pictures taken and they want to help you to help her to accept/understand why.
I'd suggest, as others have said, a meeting with the school. They will have come across this situation before, and will be able to help you decide what, when, and how to tell your daughter.

This really isn't hard for the school. Mine had the same and it was handled with no issue. The teacher and/or TA stay mindful when photos are due, and send the dc on an errand or similar.

Smiley faces is not appropriate- that singles out the dc for everyone to see who's under the sticker and ask about it. Much easier for your D.C. to be out of the frame when pictures are taken.

If there is a supply teacher or other change of circumstances, then mistakes may be made, but there is no need for it to be a big deal.

You are not being unreasonable to have her excluded from school photos it is also not unreasonable for the school to ask her to step aside and it to upset her. It is unreasonable for the child to not know why she is excluded and it is your responsibility as a parent to explain that.

I don't necessarily mean that the child needs to be told the truth but I don't think it should be up to the school to deal with questions as to why they are not in the photo. That is a parents responsibility

Make up whatever reason you want but have the conversation with your child yourself

Yes the smiley stickers are awful because they draw attention to the child and children will know who was under the sticker.

I can't understand how come they are putting so many outward facing photos on the website so often.
But then I can't understand how there are so few dc in the class either, so clearly not a school like any I've worked in or visited.

However, from a safeguarding pov, the school are being incredibly naïve. I think I would ask to speak to HT or someone from the SMT to ask why the school office are harassing you like this and why the class teacher isn't handling any of the repeated photo calls better, in the circumstances you are in. They can't be that ignorant, surely ?

@Oakmaiden

Do you actually have a specific reason why your child can't be in these photos, or is it just a generalised "stranger danger" type reason?

I have a very good reason for not wanting a specific person to know what school my child attends.

As for telling her, as I said. She's five years old, with additional needs such that she requires 1-1 support at school at all times. Handled sensitively she probably wouldn't even notice she wasn't in the playing photos and group ones I can't see why she can't be stood on the end (or 'helping' take the photo as a pp suggested).

Blurring out faces isn't an option, that shows that there is a child in the school that doesn't want/parents don't want to be identified. Can also show which sex the child is depending on what they're wearing if it's only face that's blurred. For many children with safeguarding issues that's as good as saying 'I'm here but parents don't want you to know!'

but there is no need for it to be a big deal.

Exactly. I'd worry the school is deliberately making it obvious she isn't being included in the photos though as some sort of point making exercise given they have raised the issue of consent a few times.

In any school I've ever worked in the younger children especially wouldn't be aware they were being 'excluded' from the photos used for the website as it is so easy to get around the issue without making them aware.

@joystir59

I think it's against the spirit of child safeguarding and is bullying for you to be put under pressure in this way.

Absolutely.

@BackforGood

I can't understand how come they are putting so many outward facing photos on the website so often. But then I can't understand how there are so few dc in the class either, so clearly not a school like any I've worked in or visited.

However, from a safeguarding pov, the school are being incredibly naïve. I think I would ask to speak to HT or someone from the SMT to ask why the school office are harassing you like this and why the class teacher isn't handling any of the repeated photo calls better, in the circumstances you are in. They can't be that ignorant, surely ?

It's just a really, really tiny school. Under 100 children in total across all year groups.

Our school just puts a smile emoji over the face of kids without photo consent. No problems or fuss. Some celebs also do this with their kids on Twitter.

School are being ridiculous.

How many internet pictures does the school need? They shouldn't be constantly photographing and publishing pictures of the kids. Mine have permission, but I'd be annoyed if it was more than a rare event.

I agree with having the face blurred out but now you’re making it tricky by objecting to that too.

Unfortunately, this means that your dd is going to be excluded from the photos. There are no other ways

I used to teach in a nursery and there was a Jehovah’s Witness child who wasn’t allowed to participate in any Christmas craft that they deducted as religious.

When it was time for the nativity, every child went off to watch it whilst someone had to stay behind and do craft activities with this one child who wasn’t allowed to see it

Our tiny village school has less than 40 children across all years. A child without consent is just either blurred or cropped. And just how many photos are for external use, that the child woukd notice? Most are for internal.

If it’s a really tiny school and your DD has one-to-one support and your DD is the only child who isn’t included in public photos, why on earth can’t they manage to plan photos around that? I would be very unimpressed with their attitude and their repeated attempts to get you to sign off on photos.

Unfortunately, this means that your dd is going to be excluded from the photos. There are no other ways

It absolutely doesn't mean she needs to be excluded. It's hardly rocket science to work around the issue and take multiple pictures and use the ones she's not in so she doesn't feel like they are leaving her out.

As I said above I would actually worry that the school are making a bigger deal out of it so she becomes aware of being left out and then using that to get you to change your mind.

YANBU. If she were older (eg secondary school) it would be important to tell her the truth - at least partly so she can avoid being in photos her friends may put on their FB / instagram accounts. However, at 5 I would simply ask that her TA distract her while photos are taken.

That said, the school cannot control what the dc say to each other though, and another child could easily notice she is never in photos and ask her about it. It would be worth having an age-appropriate response ready if she asks you.

Yanbu and the school are out of order. With my dd1 I also refused consent for the same things as I had, escaped a very serious dv situation and there was an upcoming court case and restraining order in place and I needed my ex to not know where we were. I'd have been upset if I had had to keep explaining that.

I think this is tricky actually. I have 3 children in my class that cannot be photographed. I do my best to arrange them on the edge of group shots but many of the pictures I take are 'in the moment' when children are hands on learning (science experiment, group work, dance or PE shots etc).

It can be really hard to manage getting quality pictures in the midst of actually teaching the class. I have no additional adults in class to distract them and children running errands is banned due to covid. The children are aware they cannot be included now they are a little older.

I don't particularly agree with it but our school post pictures from every class every single week on Twitter plus regular 'learning videos' for parents. It's quite a lot of extra work on top of normal teaching duties.

I think you should have an age appropriate conversation with your child. School have been proactive in telling you it is upsetting them. They will most likely accept a reason such as 'we don't like photos of our family on the internet' at 5 I imagine.

You need to explain to your child why she can’t have her picture took no need for details. ‘ mummy has decided it’s better if you don’t get photos taken at school’ if she asks why, just say something kind like ‘because your beautiful’she won’t understand how that doesn’t make sense. The child needs to know it’s your decision not the schools so she doesn’t feel unwanted.