Not consenting to child in public photos at school

[redheadonatractor]

Hi,

When my child started school we ticked the box to say we do not consent to them being photographed for public use - ie on the school website and on promotional materials, leaflets and what have you. We did consent for them to be pictured for internal things (we had to choose one, both or none). So we're fine with child being on group photos for things like Tapestry and similar that are only seen by other parents, but not on the website or leaflets that are put out for the public. This is for safety reasons, but we didn't have to specify why.

Now since then (YR) I have been contacted twice by the school office to ask if my child can be used on a group photo for the website, with the picture sent to me. I have said no both times, we don't consent and that her face is clearly visible on the photos.

Now I've been contacted by the office again, saying that our child is starting to notice that she's being asked to step aside for photos and can we explain to her why. We can't explain to her why. She's five years old and the reason why would worry and scare her. I've explained to the school (just that, no further detail) and said that could they not just stand her at the end and then not get her in the picture or crop her off? They've said this isn't really possible. Apparently she's the only child in the school that doesn't have consent. They also take 'children at play' photos - I've said if they're doing that can they not distract DD with something else for a moment and take the photo without her in it?

I'm not sure where we go from here. Once child is older we will be able to explain more, but she has additional needs and resulting anxiety as it is. She also has 1-1 TA support at all times so surely it shouldn't be hard to distract her in the moment it takes to take a photo? It is a very well staffed, small class (ratio 1:5) so I really don't think I'm being unreasonable, but perhaps I am so I thought I'd see what other people think!

Its perfectly acceptable for you to decide that your child shouldn’t be in any public photos for any reason and the school should support that.

All they are asking you to do is talk to your own child about a choice you have made. You are the parent, it’s up to you to tell an age appropriate version of the truth, or fib.

The fact is, your dd has noticed that she’s not allowed in pictures. It is unreasonable of you to expect the staff to tie themselves in knots making sure that she doesn’t even know pictures are being taken so that she doesn’t ask questions. Even if they could do that, the ship has sailed and your dd is already asking. She probably asked someone at school, and they gave they only answer they could which is that her parents haven’t given permission. Even if it’s difficult for you, it is your job to deal with it, not just the schools.

I think the school are being unreasonable. I think a reception teacher could easily take photos without upsetting her, it would be difficult to pretend to take a photo with her in it and then send her on an errand with TA whilst another real photo is taken or something similar.

I would arrange a meeting with head teacher and explain the heart/rough reason for the safe guarding issue with them so they can explain to staff why important to not be in the photos. In this day and age you would think the school would be more on board with this though!

*wouldn't be difficult

I agree with everyone who says the school should be able to manage this in a way that the average 5 year old wouldn’t even notice.

And also wonder exactly how many bloody photos they need!

My 5 year old is in one photo on the website, as it happens taken during lockdown ‘small school’ - he is one of 2 children visible and they are both children of key workers. I am sure the school avoided taking photos of vulnerable children and managed that without fuss and / or chose the photos for the website with some care.

You shouldn't need to explain to your 5 year old. I wouldn't risk upsetting them.

The school are being ridiculous. I’ve worked in numerous schools and it’s easy enough to take a couple of different pics so you don’t use the one with the child in.

I worked in one where a child was protected to the point that the teacher and TA got really skilled at taking pics at angles where the TA completely blocked the child. Just so there was no danger of a mistake being made.

It is a wee bit more work when you have to think about angles and the likes, but there is no need for a 5-year-old, especially one with additional needs, to not feel safe at school (which could easily happen if an association is made between something her teacher is doing and a danger to her).

@Cornishsky

Interested how many posters are saying explain to your child in an age appropriate way. As an open adoptive mum of a child who understands a lot about birth family and reasons for leaving there’s no way id plant the seed in his head that he could be unsafe now if birth family knew through photos what school he went to / where he lived. School ask for permission and you’ve not given it. They need to manage the situation and lots of schools handle with no problems.

The child dosnt needs to know the finer details just that mummy has made a decision about which photos she can be in.As far as my dds are concerned, even my almost 4yo knows that mummy gets to tell school that I don’t want to take pictures of them. If they ask why I tell them because they are my children and I get to decide who takes pictures of them. As they get a little older they have gradually understood more about online safety. My 7yo my oldest made it clear she didn’t want photos of her online.

It’s unreasonable of the school to keep pestering you about it, but if you don’t want photos on the website you need to accept that your child will be excluded from some photos and have a conversation with her about it.

Teachers have enough work to do without looking through the 100s of photos they took on a school trip or event to check that they haven’t accidentally submitted a child with no photo permission to the school website.

We have this for my DD, there's no real reason for her not to be in photos apart from the fact that I want her to be in control of where her image ends up as much as possible.

She's also 5 and I just explained to her that if everyone can use your photo it ends up all over the internet and then if you want a job one day people will Google you and find a load of photos of you as a child and that's personal and you might not want people to see it. I said that one day she might want to be a spy and you can't be a secret agent if your photo is all over the internet. Then she told her teachers she couldn't put her art work up because she needs to remain anonymous

Easier to just not take any photos of said child, is what I meant to add to the last paragraph. Our school actually makes children without photo permission wear coloured bands so that they never get photographed by mistake!

Teachers have enough work to do without looking through the 100s of photos they took on a school trip or event to check that they haven’t accidentally submitted a child with no photo permission to the school website.

As someone who has done this many many times it really isn't a hardship and its the very minimum in adhering to safeguarding.

If a parent has specified they don't want their child's photo to be on social media or the school website it's not my job to ask them to explain why or to ignore their request.

@Gardenwalldilema

Children absolutely do notice, a girl in dd's class apparently cries regularly as she isn't allowed in photos. You need to have a conversation with your child.

Yes, children do notice in my experience. More so the child not allowed in the photograph, especially if it's just one in a class.

I have one child who regular gets a bit fed up about it. I pretend to take their photograph and then try and send them on an 'errand' so I can do a class one when the child isn't there. Obviously this isn't always possible so I do try to give the child a special job helping me out. But now they've has been at school a couple of years the child is very much aware of it.

We do have more than one child in school who can't be on public photographs on social media, etc but this child stands out more as can't be on any group photograph that will be sent to other parents, including on things like Tapestry, Seesaw, class blogs even when password protected and only visible to the other parents in the class.

It is easy to take photos and then delete photos as needed. That way the child doesn’t notice, but remains safe. We do variations of this all the time.

What is unreasonable is to sign you don’t want your child in photos and then complain loudly that your child is never chosen for the local newspaper pictures

However, we don't chase parents about this and always work round it as discretely as we can.

We do contact parents occasionally to check, such as if a special event is being recorded by a tv crew, etc. but that it for every child in school who may be included, not just for those without permissions in.

Op I have a little team of two photographers who take it in turns to take the photographs as they stand with me. They have special camera badges so staff know no photos, and the children think it is their special role.
Could school do anything like that?

Am I missing something or is there a reason they can't just take the photos then delete them later so she doesn't know she's left out? She's not gonna know whether she's on the website or not.

This is appalling. What should people say to their 5 year old? Here's a huge secret, you're in danger, but you absolutely must not tell anybody. They could easily be more tactful when taking photos and whoever is suggesting this needs safeguarding training urgently.

@Vooga

Am I missing something or is there a reason they can't just take the photos then delete them later so she doesn't know she's left out? She's not gonna know whether she's on the website or not.

No you're not missing anything. This could happen quite easily along with many other suggestions but instead of using common sense it appears the school instead want to make a huge fuss about it and make it clear she's being singled out.

Why cAnt't you explain if its your decision as she is getting upset , you can make up a reason for now

I taught a child who wasn’t allowed to be in photos. Once she started to notice that she want in photos I would get her to help take the photos.
At Christmas we had 2 children who weren’t allowed to be in the video so we put one at each end of the row and I filmed carefully so they were never in it but felt like they were very much part of it. It was very simple.

No you're not missing anything. This could happen quite easily along with many other suggestions but instead of using common sense it appears the school instead want to make a huge fuss about it and make it clear she's being singled out.

I think this is likely to be the case - the school is making a fuss because somebody doesn’t like double checking the photos before posting them publicly.

It is very likely that if the OP’s DD was genuinely distressed at being missed out of photos, the OP would have heard about it from her DD at home. ‘The mean old teacher wouldn’t let me be in the photo’.

That's terrible. I dont allow photos of my child and her school has never had an issue. Its hardly a big massive effort to take pictures without her in it. Talk about making a meal out if things! Yanbu

There doesn't even need to be a big serious reason that needs yo be explained why they don't want their child online. I personally think its strange to put your child's photos online.

I agree with having the face blurred out but now you’re making it tricky by objecting to that too.

No she isn't, she is trying to protect her child from a threat. Other schools manage this, its a pretty standard safeguarding requirement and the school should not keep pressuring and guilt tripping the mother of the at risk child.

@Riverrushing21

It’s unreasonable of the school to keep pestering you about it, but if you don’t want photos on the website you need to accept that your child will be excluded from some photos and have a conversation with her about it.

Teachers have enough work to do without looking through the 100s of photos they took on a school trip or event to check that they haven’t accidentally submitted a child with no photo permission to the school website.

Why are teachers taking so many photos? It's just teaching children that everything they do needs to be photographed, documented and put on-line or shared. Surely that's what we should be stearing them away from?