How do I respond to/deal with this? CF.

[PutTheCakeDOWN]

Not sure where to start really!
I was going to try and be vague and not outing but I won’t be able to explain it properly. Plus I suppose if the person sees this then problem solved maybe!?

I live in an area which is very popular for winter holidays. It’s the Cairngorms.

I have three small children, a demanding job and a husband who works offshore. Our time together when he’s home is precious.

I have a slight acquaintance/friend who I know via another friend.

2.5 years ago we were introduced to this friend.
2 years ago she invited herself to stay with us in her campervan with her family - 2 teenagers and twin babies. It was 2 weeks after Christmas, they ‘love to ski and sledge’ and I’m too nice and a people pleaser.
It was one of the worst weeks ever. They completely latched onto us, migrated into the house because it was ‘too cold’ in the van (no shit!), left mess everywhere, argued constantly, kept palming the kids off onto our nanny (who is like one of the family and who is vital because of DH being offshore) and were generally just a complete nightmare. It was so stressful.

The last few weeks I’ve had hints about them coming back this Christmas. DH has 4 weeks home and I have 3 weeks off - Christmas and the two after. This time is important to us!

She has asked when we’re free. I said we’re busy. She said ‘surely not for the whole month!?’ I’ve politely said that I can’t commit to them coming as we haven’t made plans yet but don’t want to be tied down.
She said that’s fine as we won’t even know she’s there.
She said what about a weekend? I said no sorry I can’t say that far ahead.
I said I was a bit stressed and can’t start making plans now.
She said she will just keep the whole month free as they are determined to come and have been looking forward to it since last time, so when we’re not busy just to tell her and they will set off straight away.

I don’t know how to deal with this. I am stressed and exhausted with a hundred other things.

She seems nice and I would hope she just doesn’t realise how she’s behaving but I just don’t understand how/why people carry on like this??
I wouldn’t dream of inviting myself plus 4 kids to someone’s house!

Obviously I can’t just say ‘fuck off’ as that doesn’t work in real life.

Please help!

OP - have you messaged her?

“ Hi - sorry not this year. Sure you understand”
Direct but cryptic!

Send her this thread?

She gave you a let-out by asking you to let her know when you're not busy. If you cut contact, she can't argue with you.

@ThePoetsWife

Ffs not another doormat.

Grow some balls and tell her to fuck off.

@ThePoetsWife

Ffs not another lazy internet randomer who can't be bothered to read the OP's updates and see that she's already replied.

Grow some tits and apologise.

@Tistheseason17

OP - have you messaged her?

Go to one of OP's posts and click on 'see all'. It's not hard. Yes she has messaged her.

She's a tough one to be sure. I think you are going to have to bite the bullet and stop pussyfooting around. Leave her with no option to come back and suggest an alternative. So be it if she doesn't like it good riddance.

FTLOG

OP messaged her several hours ago. At least read the OP's posts 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Maybe tell her that you missed out on Christmas with extended family last year due to covid so they are coming this year?

Since she's still not got the fucking message, I'd go straight to completely blunt.

"We found your last visit far too stressful and invasive.You are not welcome to stay here again. Don't ask again."

She won’t stay anywhere else as she needs help with the kids

'I have enough kids to deal with.'

Greenteapingpong

I've read the whole thread and know that she has messaged her - however, I don't think her reply will be enough to stop the CF.

CF is not even friend or family so I really don't get why OP is wringing her hands.

I've read the thread and waiting to hear what response CF has!

OP, I totally get what you mean about being not wanting to be rude but when you 'win' this one, you'll never want to go back!

If she starts the soppy FB posts, be sure to like them all, and comment and say how right she is! Will no doubt wind her up some more

@stayathomer

Why do you feel sorry for her? Because what if she actually thinks they're friends? what if she actually thinks that they all jointly had an amazing holiday a few years ago? Read this thread from that point of view and it's really sad

Then it's time for her to really think about things. If she thinks that constitutes an amazing holiday for the OP she must be insane.

Jesus just block her!

She’s bullying you. Stand up to her ...who cares if you never see her again. Maybe just say “l’ve tried to be polite but l think you might be missing what l’m trying to say. You can’t stay . Last time was a one-off and the offer isn’t open again . I really hope you find somewhere else but unfortunately it can’t be here. I hope you understand that this has felt quite awkward and l don’t want to discuss it further. Take care “

I had a very awkward family situation recently which was similar to this. After 2 days of stressing about just the THOUGHT of it, I got the righteous anger about someone else ruining my time in my own bloody house! So I called and said "I'm sorry, I'm really stressed by the thought of your suggestion, it can't happen."

The person replied really "Oh, oh... OK.. that's no problem... " and that was that. I still saw them on their 'holiday', but it was on my terms. She was a bit sniffy with me, but the family weren't and had a nice time. I decided that I don't really want to have loads to do with someone who has no idea how inappropriate they are, so even though they are family and I need to do polite and friendly, I'm going to disuade this sort of nonsense.

Good luck!

Who else is as gutted as me that 23 pages in a) there's no reply from the CF and b) people still think the OP hasn't messaged??!

wanders off to find the CF log store neighbour thread

OP, this person is clearly a bully. You've said 'no' and you've been ignored and over-ruled by someone who clearly wants a cheap holiday with free childcare. Harden your heart, and best of luck!

How about: 'It's not going to happen. Go away.'

@StartingGrid ooh what’s the cf log store thread?

'Sorry, we're not having visitors over Christmas'.
We'll
Be visiting family ourselves.

Waaaaah hope that CF had been put in her place

"CF acquaintance, I think you underestimate how much of a disruption to our family life you lot were last time you came. It's clearly the Cairngorms you're longing to see again and not us, so you'll just have to make alternative arrangements this time

^ This

No mincing about with "time as a family/spend time with my DH"

You need to let her know she (and her family) were utterly grabby , ungrateful pains in the arse who took took took and left you shattered .
And that's what se wants again. To use your house as a facility with on-tap childcare .
And you aren't having it ..