How do I respond to/deal with this? CF.

[PutTheCakeDOWN]

Not sure where to start really!
I was going to try and be vague and not outing but I won’t be able to explain it properly. Plus I suppose if the person sees this then problem solved maybe!?

I live in an area which is very popular for winter holidays. It’s the Cairngorms.

I have three small children, a demanding job and a husband who works offshore. Our time together when he’s home is precious.

I have a slight acquaintance/friend who I know via another friend.

2.5 years ago we were introduced to this friend.
2 years ago she invited herself to stay with us in her campervan with her family - 2 teenagers and twin babies. It was 2 weeks after Christmas, they ‘love to ski and sledge’ and I’m too nice and a people pleaser.
It was one of the worst weeks ever. They completely latched onto us, migrated into the house because it was ‘too cold’ in the van (no shit!), left mess everywhere, argued constantly, kept palming the kids off onto our nanny (who is like one of the family and who is vital because of DH being offshore) and were generally just a complete nightmare. It was so stressful.

The last few weeks I’ve had hints about them coming back this Christmas. DH has 4 weeks home and I have 3 weeks off - Christmas and the two after. This time is important to us!

She has asked when we’re free. I said we’re busy. She said ‘surely not for the whole month!?’ I’ve politely said that I can’t commit to them coming as we haven’t made plans yet but don’t want to be tied down.
She said that’s fine as we won’t even know she’s there.
She said what about a weekend? I said no sorry I can’t say that far ahead.
I said I was a bit stressed and can’t start making plans now.
She said she will just keep the whole month free as they are determined to come and have been looking forward to it since last time, so when we’re not busy just to tell her and they will set off straight away.

I don’t know how to deal with this. I am stressed and exhausted with a hundred other things.

She seems nice and I would hope she just doesn’t realise how she’s behaving but I just don’t understand how/why people carry on like this??
I wouldn’t dream of inviting myself plus 4 kids to someone’s house!

Obviously I can’t just say ‘fuck off’ as that doesn’t work in real life.

Please help!

And if she doesn’t get the message then stop replying to her texts!

@ThePoetsWife

Ffs not another doormat.

Grow some balls and tell her to fuck off.

There are loads of them around.

With any luck the some journo from the Daily Mail will write a story on it. She will soon get the message then!

No sorry, not this year. We are spending the time as a family alone.

That's really all it's going to take.

The bare faced c.fuckery of some people utterly amazes me. It AMAZES me. To keep bulldozing somebody when it's blatantly obvious they are not on board with your CF plans - the brass neck of them. I don't understand how some people are so obtuse.

I feel for you OP. You have gone down the path of being polite, you have then gone down the path of being civil but firm, all to no avail. Time to be very very prickly with a big capital letters 'NO'. And if she is offended then it's no huge loss, your life would be a great deal less stressful without this person in it.

And if she rocks up unannounced shut the door firmly in her face with directions to the nearest Premier Inn.

@wildeverose

No sorry, not this year. We are spending the time as a family alone.

That's really all it's going to take.

But leave out "not this year", or you'll have the same problem next year.

Or send “ who dis ?”
I'd forgotten about that

Tell her you can’t help with her kids. Tell her your nanny’s fees whack on a 100% uplift on that tell her to transfer the money before she turns up, and that the nanny is only available for two hours in the entire month of December.

Honestly you have to be blunt with the woman.

I want to spend the entire time with just my Husband and immediate family. We cannot accommodate you, last time was chaos and did not work and I barely saw my husband and family.

I’ll see you around and would be happy to come to you for a coffee if I’m free when you come down.

My property and resources however will be in use and not available to you. I and my nanny will not be available to help you with your children you need to make your own arrangements.

The woman knows she’s a pain in the arse but wants a free holiday with childcare thrown in. You have to be blunt

Excellent point @sueelleker
Just "sorry no. It's a special time of year for us as we don't get time together and we are spending it as a family alone."
Done.

she said that of course she can’t do that, as her partner isn’t coming and she can’t manage the twins on her own…(!)

She wants a free holiday home with on-site childcare!

Honestly the cheek!

I worry that the reply would still have given her room to wriggle

I’d advocate “I’ve tried to be diplomatic and hoped you’d take the hint, but perhaps I need to be even clearer. We found the visit last time extremely intrusive and it wasn’t something we’d want to repeat. I’m happy to have you as an acquaintance etc etc, but I would not be having you to stay at my home again.”

So what if she huffs off. She knows full well what she did, she knows full well how fucking awful it was and she’s not hinting, she’s passive aggressively hinting a.k.a INSISTING that you have her. It works on most of her victims, so she’s trying it with you.

Remove her from social media and block her, stop worrying about her feelings, she sure as shit doesn’t worry about yours!

“My h said if I let you stay again he’s divorcing me.”

@MzHz

“My h said if I let you stay again he’s divorcing me.”

Ooo I like this one. Very non pc and passive ag but lets OP completely off the hook.

"I'd rather cover my tits with honey and staple them to a beehive."

At this point, I'm afraid you are going to have to be very direct with her. Tell her, "No. Your last visit with us was less than ideal. Additionally, I have very limited time with my husband, and am not willing to entertain ANYONE during this time. I am sorry, but that's how it is."

My father used to say, "With fiends like this, who needs enemas."

Hi CF, I’m sorry but you won’t be able to come and stay with us, I’m happy to meet up for a few hours if you’re in the area but other than that, your coming here just doesn’t work for us.

You guys are so polite.
what happens if you're rude to this person, OP?

I'm sure you won't be rude, but honestly, you have no relationship with this person you need to protect, do you? Just say you found out last time that you don't like having guests on those terms. Good luck with her plans elsewhere.

I wouldn’t mention meeting up or advice about staying locally, I wouldn’t be encouraging her at all.

I’d give very little info and not enter into a discussion. ‘It’s not going to work for us and doesn’t fit in with our plans’ kinda thing. No explanation, no opening for discussion.

I don’t think there is any point being mean (to her directly) as they do know each other through work.

@princessandthedragon

With any luck the some journo from the Daily Mail will write a story on it. She will soon get the message then!

People like this don't get any other message than 'No. You cannot come stay here. We are not available to host you at all.'

Just tell her flat out no. Christmas is family time. Last time you definitely knew they were there and would not like a repeat performance. Don't sugar coat it the cf will keep asking.

Because after all, who invites themselves to someone's, takes the piss and then invites themselves again and will not take 'No' for an answer?

Do NOT cave! I suggest you reply to her latest message with something like 'On the days we don't have visitors, we want to spend time on our own as a family. ' Or 'While you might have had a lovely time when you were here before, we did not. Therefore we have no desire to repeat the experience.'

Why do you feel sorry for her?
Because what if she actually thinks they're friends? what if she actually thinks that they all jointly had an amazing holiday a few years ago? Read this thread from that point of view and it's really sad

Mexican House Thief isn't even an isolated incident on here, either. There have been legion of such.

One poster was on one of the Channel Islands and had a 'friend' who consistently invited herself and her husband and daughter over, took the piss and then invited herself back. She guilt-tripped the OP about not having a 'holiday', got her to pay their ferry fees and then, on the last go-round before the OP finally woke up, the OP caught the teen daughter WEARING a gold bracelet of the OP's that the OP's mother had given her on the way to the ferry back! The girl had dug in the OP's room and poached a piece of jewellery! When the OP demanded it back, she and the mother had the nerve to get offended.

She got the bracelet back, reader.

@stayathomer

Why do you feel sorry for her? Because what if she actually thinks they're friends? what if she actually thinks that they all jointly had an amazing holiday a few years ago? Read this thread from that point of view and it's really sad

The fuck it is! Do you invite yourself over to your friends' homes for a holiday? Do you then expect their paid nanny to look after your kids? Do you then invite yourself back, not take 'No' for an answer and tell her you won't stay anywhere else because you want to use them as childcare? Get real.