How do I respond to/deal with this? CF.

[PutTheCakeDOWN]

Not sure where to start really!
I was going to try and be vague and not outing but I won’t be able to explain it properly. Plus I suppose if the person sees this then problem solved maybe!?

I live in an area which is very popular for winter holidays. It’s the Cairngorms.

I have three small children, a demanding job and a husband who works offshore. Our time together when he’s home is precious.

I have a slight acquaintance/friend who I know via another friend.

2.5 years ago we were introduced to this friend.
2 years ago she invited herself to stay with us in her campervan with her family - 2 teenagers and twin babies. It was 2 weeks after Christmas, they ‘love to ski and sledge’ and I’m too nice and a people pleaser.
It was one of the worst weeks ever. They completely latched onto us, migrated into the house because it was ‘too cold’ in the van (no shit!), left mess everywhere, argued constantly, kept palming the kids off onto our nanny (who is like one of the family and who is vital because of DH being offshore) and were generally just a complete nightmare. It was so stressful.

The last few weeks I’ve had hints about them coming back this Christmas. DH has 4 weeks home and I have 3 weeks off - Christmas and the two after. This time is important to us!

She has asked when we’re free. I said we’re busy. She said ‘surely not for the whole month!?’ I’ve politely said that I can’t commit to them coming as we haven’t made plans yet but don’t want to be tied down.
She said that’s fine as we won’t even know she’s there.
She said what about a weekend? I said no sorry I can’t say that far ahead.
I said I was a bit stressed and can’t start making plans now.
She said she will just keep the whole month free as they are determined to come and have been looking forward to it since last time, so when we’re not busy just to tell her and they will set off straight away.

I don’t know how to deal with this. I am stressed and exhausted with a hundred other things.

She seems nice and I would hope she just doesn’t realise how she’s behaving but I just don’t understand how/why people carry on like this??
I wouldn’t dream of inviting myself plus 4 kids to someone’s house!

Obviously I can’t just say ‘fuck off’ as that doesn’t work in real life.

Please help!

I'm overly invested in this thread now. Send help!

Ffs not another doormat.

Grow some balls and tell her to fuck off.

@ThePoetsWife

Ffs not another doormat.

Grow some balls and tell her to fuck off.

I thought I'd read that the Mexican House Thief was a fiction...

There are CF in every culture. This woman doesn't sound like someone who's open and friendly. She's not offering friendly hospitality, she's a taker, and like most takers, she's skilled in avoiding hints and pretending not to understand exactly what a nuisance she's being.

You need to be very blunt, straight to the point and honest. She sounds like to sort of person who doesn't listen unless ppl are like this

Don't beat around the bush, get this sorted this month or it will drag on and on

If you fall out over it it's not the end of the world is it!

Btw, she sounds like a big free loader who's expecting free child care. Incredible

@PutTheCakeDOWN

Just a thought, she’ll probably not reply to your message.
It’s not the answer she wants, so it’ll be irrelevant.

I’d follow it up in a couple of days with a back up message of “just making sure you received the last message that you cannot stay with us for your holiday”
I’d also put the word out amongst your mutual friends that you are not hosting anyone

'She said she will just keep the whole month free as they are determined to come'

That would've finished it for me. They're DETERMINED to come? No matter what the property owners want or say?

No. That's not how the world works.

Don't be afraid of a SM backlash, OP. Save her messages & if she tries anything, publish. People's sympathy would be with you, not her.

She’s relentless. Just don’t reply! Or send a good old thumbs up, that ends all conversations 🤣

"I'm afraid I need it be firm here. You cannot stay at ours again. Please stop asking. "

This isn't her first rodeo.

CF like that leave a trail of scorched earth littered with people the use an abuse.

They don't care.

The word DETERMINED tells you everything.

How you could use the word "nice" about a person who treated you, your home and your nanny thus, beggars belief.

@ThePoetsWife

Ffs not another doormat.

Grow some balls and tell her to fuck off.

Absolutely. No. Chance. In this case!

God I really want to know what she replied with..!

Just tell her you have said no to some other relatives so can't say yes to her and it's not personal.

CFs like this are absolute masters at wearing down the object of their CFuckery until said victims find themselves apologising for little more than their wish to quietly carry on breathing. No standard excuses will work and they thrive on the more detail that you give them. Detail that is picked over with such forensic expertise and with such elephantine recollection that you start to question your own reason. Give them much more than 'No' and you are drawn into their baroque and terrible web. Even then, expect to feel as guilty as if you'd sent their children to lifetime servitude down the mines.

OP, if your last text doesn't work, you are going to have to be absolutely blunt along the lines of "I don't mean to be rude, but we cannot accommodate you in any way, so please stop asking".

She is not going to take no for an answer because she wants a free holiday, free showers, and free help with her kids.

How you could use the word "nice" about a person who treated you, your home and your nanny thus, beggars belief

I agree OP. This is not a friend, not by a long chalk.

If I did sm, I'd be relieved to get blocked by someone like this!

She's not 'nice' because no genuinely nice person would expect this of you. She's a fully fledged CF used to using people and pushing boundaries. She has a veneer of niceness but it's paper thin. As thin as she can get her way without having to put herself out.

You're well out of it, and better off not having her as a 'friend'.

All you have to say is no we are busy or my husband and I have barely any time together due to his work and have decided christmas is only for the family ad nauseam on repeat until she fucks off.
I'd be much much ruder myself but then I'm much older.

She won’t stay anywhere else as she needs help with the kids

^ So what did she do BEFORE you were introduced? Whatever it was, tell her to go do it again!

God she’s a nightmare! Please let us know what she replies with, it’ll be some crazy bollocks none of us could predict....

My first husband is a hoarder by proxy as he rents a temporary bedsit. He has his hoard stashed all over the country in friends garages and spare rooms and has had for many years.
He relied on CFery and people not being able to say no to him and it's always "only another couple of months until I get sorted", one friend has had part of his hoard for coming up 10 years now.

You just need to be clear and definite. Don't back down:

"Unfortunately that is not going to work for us this winter. We're having a quiet family time since DH will have been away for a while. Hope you find somewhere fun to go".

Sorry I’ve only read your first post as I’m new to this thread but I think where you said:

“ DH has 4 weeks home and I have 3 weeks off - Christmas and the two after. This time is important to us!‘

Just say no and give the above as the reason. Then if she gets arsey you have to grit your teeth and be firm with her. She is a leach and is blatantly using you and taking advantage of your generosity to her and her kids. I used to have a ‘friend’ who was like this to me and other people. Her mother was exactly the same. It felt so liberating when she was finally out of the picture. Honestly you will feel so liberated once she’s got the message!

Christ alive this is CF to a new level!
She's basically creating a ski holiday with you guys being the unpaid childcare!!!!

Be straight and to the point say it doesn't work and suggest that she waits for a point where she will have help with her twins and book a air bnb Cairngorms is hardly short on accommodation!
I love my campervan complete with heating but I would not be using it in Cairngorms in winter for a week!

they are determined to come and have been looking forward to it since last time

This is the height of CF! She can’t be ‘determined’ to visit somewhere she isn’t welcome!

Has she replied @PutTheCakeDOWN