Threads you can tell the answer to before opening

[Lumene]

What are the common mumsnet threads with questions you can tell the answer to without having to open them, at least 99% of the time.

I’ll start:

Q: I’m in a new relationship, is this a red flag?
A: Yes.

Q - Anything
A - I've just lost a tooth, a pinkie toe and fell on my arse. Why on earth should I care about this news/question/thread that I voluntarily clicked on?

Q: help me choose a girl's name, 2 syllables, nothing unusual

A: how about Jaquarius?

Q - my DD would like a Barbie birthday cake, does anyone know where I could get one?

A1 - Really OP? Nothing like playing the usual gender stereotypes

A2 - why are you giving your child this? As a birthday treat my DC can choose between organic carrots & hummus or apple and peanut butter. They would ask for this over birthday cake anyway.

Q: Can I leave my washing out?
A: IT'LL GET DARKED ON

Q: What should I be doing to make sure my 2 day old baby gets enough entertainment and stimulation?

A: This is the first time it’s seen, touched, tasted or heard the entire world, that should keep it busy for a day or two at least.

Q: AIBU to make my kids share a room. We cant afford a bigger house.

A: YABU! Give up your room and sleep in the living room. Kids need space

@Palavah

Q: My boyfriend brought his violent ex and their drug dealer to dinner with my parents and SIL & BIL and they snorted lines off the kitchen table. What should I do?

A: Where are you that you're allowed eight people inside? Do you think Covid rules don't apply to you?

@Smokeahontas

Q - my DD would like a Barbie birthday cake, does anyone know where I could get one?

A1 - Really OP? Nothing like playing the usual gender stereotypes

A2 - why are you giving your child this? As a birthday treat my DC can choose between organic carrots & hummus or apple and peanut butter. They would ask for this over birthday cake anyway.

A3: just make it OP. nothing to it

Q - aibu to let my dc watch an hour of kids program?

A - Even 2 minutes of screen time and their brains are permanently fried. Give them a stick each and some pans, they can make music while you set up a crafts table, a fort and get ready for the park. No rest for the wicked!

Q in Chat OP lonely as lives alone and now wfh asks for handhold

A1,2. Supportive
A3 You think you have it bad - I’m married with a family but unemployed, and living in a shoe box and my arm has just fallen off
A4 I’ve got family but working in shop/office through lockdown - you wfh lot have nooo idea
A5 There is a Coronavirus topic you know! I’ve asked MNHQ to move this

@allofthecheese

Q: Can I leave my washing out? A: IT'LL GET DARKED ON

Or A2: Spiders will rub thier willies on your washing.

Q: what would your child/ren's name/s be if named after foods & drinks you craved during pg?

A: isn't this a security question?

Q - AIBU!

A - yes

OP - did you mean to be so rude?

Q: AIBU to think that an income of £200k p/a is not really wealthy?

2 posters (utterly serious): No, op you're right, it's barely enough for life's basics, let alone luxuries.

THE REST OF MN: Are you on glue? That's a fortune!

@Palavah

Q: My boyfriend brought his violent ex and their drug dealer to dinner with my parents and SIL & BIL and they snorted lines off the kitchen table. What should I do?

A: Where are you that you're allowed eight people inside? Do you think Covid rules don't apply to you?

Q: Do all men do this?
A: No, pissing in the wardrobe is not normal behaviour

Q: Is it always a bad idea to get involved with a married man, even when...
A: Yup.

Q - we’re FTB with a budget of £10 and a deposit of 50p and a Twix. We’ve had an offer accepted but the survey has said there’s a broken lightbulb. Should we pull out?

A1 - are you on drugs?

A2 - that could be a sign of subsidence. I’d pay for a full structural survey.

Q: Does anyone have any advice for an extremely fussy eater. Have already tried all the conventional tips and tricks.

A: Get your DC involved in cooking. Hide veg in spag bol. Rename vegetables so broccoli = trees etc.
Other A: No one is allowed to be fussy in my house. It's not a cafe.

I'm stepmum to two teenagers. I've given them everything and today they stole all my shoes and put them on eBay. They also ate my dog.

Were you the other woman op?
You knew what you signed up for

And on the sad end of the scale (my user name is not a coincidence):

I'm spotting/cramping/symptoms disappeared/the tests aren't progressing. Please give me hope...

...inevitably sad update a few days later.

Q Help me with meal inspiration, but NO eggs or mushrooms please.
A Mushroom omelette, mushroom stroganoff or eggs Benedict.

Q: Anything

A1: ummmm Covid rules anyone?
A2: it’s sex not gender
A3: ltb
A4: I just had to pay a £10 custom charge on my wanky ornate £5000 lamp. Thanks a lot brexit!

@TinyBarista

Q: budget planning, tell me your household income A: one million pounds

😂😂😂😂

Q: why do you/ how do you/ should I ...
A: Why are you asking a load of randomers on the internet?

And all these years I thought that was the point of Mumsnet .....

@Coffeeand

Q Should I have another child? A. Please think of the environmental impact of expanding your family.

This, always .