Threads you can tell the answer to before opening

[Lumene]

What are the common mumsnet threads with questions you can tell the answer to without having to open them, at least 99% of the time.

I’ll start:

Q: I’m in a new relationship, is this a red flag?
A: Yes.

@oldsoulrebel

I sneezed today and DH didn't say 'bless you'

He's abusive . Call woman's aid

😂

Q: my dh controls all our finances, won't let me drive, tells me I'm fat, ugly and useless and goes out every night, all night and comes home drunk but tells me he's allowed to do that because he goes to work and earns the money and I'm just a SAHM.

Anyway, the other day, he broke his fingernail and blamed me but to be fair, I'm worried it might be a bit dangerous as his work is very important and he doesn't know how to use a nail file what should I do? Do you think I should book him a manicure?

A: OP. POLICE. NOW.
A: OMG HUN PLEASE LEAVE, this is abuse
A: I'm in Derby/Kent/Devon if you need someone to help you, just PM me.

MNHQ: We've hidden this thread while we take a look behind the scenes.

@TaVeryMuchLove

Q: When did you first feel baby move? A: 10dpo

Q. I want to divorce my husband and get my ducks in a row
A. You need to speak to a solicitor and not random Internet women.

Q: Ladies, I need your help...
A: You lost me at 'Ladies'

You know when their is a classic thread in the making.

It’s ‘there’

Q: I keep my step daughter
In a cupboard under the stairs and dress her in rags, AIBU?

A1: yes.
A2: yes.
A3: don't worry OP - stepparents can't ever seem to do anything right on MN...

Q: AIBU (anything)

A: well I agree with you OP but get your hard hat as some MNetters will be on their way shortly to flame you

@TaVeryMuchLove

Q: When did you first feel baby move? A: 10dpo

So many excellent posts here 😂👏👏👏

Love this one! 🤣🤣

Q: I have butter, cucumber and cheese in my fridge. what should I cook?

A1: if you had xyz ingredients you could make anything that doesn't contain those
A2: takeaway
A3: I only buy organic food
A4: why do YOU have to cook? tell your OH to get off their lazy arse!

Q: what brand carpet cleaner do you recommend?

A: we don't have carpet anymore

Q. Has anyone been to [name of big tourist attraction]?
A. Yes. Thousands of people have been. That's why it's still open...

Q. Had my 20wk scan. is it a boy or a girl?
A. Yes!

Q. Friends Child free wedding, baby is bf, should i take him/her with me?

A. NO!

Q: Me ExDH earns £30 million squillion pounds, but only pays £10 a month child maintenance. What should I do?

A: oh my god, you are so entitled. I only get £1 per YEAR. You should be grateful for the £10 per month.

Q. I'm on NMW, need to pay off my debts, and my child's nursery is closing. What can I do?
A. Have you thought about getting a nanny?

Q: anything

poster 1: absolutely irrelevant gibberish
MN: huh?
poster 1: oops, wrong thread

Q: neighbours' kids are noisy

A: report to social services. what if they get killed? you don't want to be the one that stayed quiet

Q: Absolutely anything about a wedding, if you're the bride.
A: YABU and a Bridezilla!

Q: Absolutely anything about a wedding, if you're a guest.
A: YADNBU and the bride is a Bridezilla!
Or: It's an invite not a summons!

Q: My DH...
A: ....is definitely having an affair! Get your ducks in a row and LTB!
Q: But...
A: Ducks! Row! LTB! NOW!!!

Q: I'm a SAHM...
A: Well what do you expect, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, letting a man support you. He's going to leave you and you'll be financially screwed FOREVER!! I know because it's happened to every woman I've ever known who's ever stopped working at all, for any length of time, even for as long as it took to stitch her back up after giving birth. Get a job, you lazy cow!
Q: But...
A: GET A JOB!!

Q. Why can't I keep on top of things?
A. Sounds like ADHD.

Q. I'm on NMW, need to pay off my debts, and my child's nursery is closing. What can I do?
A. Have you thought about getting a nanny?

Also : move to a cheaper area
Take in ironing

OP: My DSC…
A: You chose to marry a man with DC, you knew what you were getting into

Q: AIBU about DH and his hobby? (I can’t say what it is - it’s outing)

A1: unless it’s naked jet skiing with fireworks tied to his schlong it’s obviously not going to be outing
A2: it’ll be cycling - it’s always cycling

Q. How can I save for a mortage on this income/rent?
A. All of MN - we will not admit there is a housing crisis, you must save for however long it takes even if its eternity and stop moaning.

Q: help me choose a baby name, nothing Biblical

A: how about Adam?

Q - my neighbours from hell have parties every night until 4am, their teenager plays drums loudly all hours and their youngest kicks his football constantly against our party wall

A - noise-cancelling headphones are your friend