Threads you can tell the answer to before opening

[Lumene]

What are the common mumsnet threads with questions you can tell the answer to without having to open them, at least 99% of the time.

I’ll start:

Q: I’m in a new relationship, is this a red flag?
A: Yes.

Q: Do you think my husband might be having an affair?
A: Do bears shit in the woods?

Q: what do you think of this name?
A: Fucking awful
A: Why are you asking us
A: Its different
A: ooo I think its lovely.

Q: anything remotely child related

me: inevitability end up mentioning 7 kids

Q- My colleague did something wrong. He hasn't apologised. I haven't told him I'm pissed off and even smile at him when we bump into each other.

A1 - He should know better. How dare he not know he's wronged you?! Report him!

A2 - Or you could tell him what he did and how you feel about it?

OP and A1 - OP doesn't owe him that. OP doesn't have to tell anyone what they've done, they should read OP's mind and figure it out on their own.

Q: Heres a list of baby names what do you think?
A: If you can't decide for yourself and you're about to have a baby and asking a bunch of strangers then frankly it's not looking too good is it?
A: They all sound like cat names.Esp Tabby.....

Q: I've felt a little under the weather lately...
A: peri menopause.

Q - Am I too sensitive?

A - No, he's an arsehole, LTB.

Q: I'm at work and I have a crush on a guy on the desk opposite me, what should I do?

A: Ask him out
A: Ask him out
A: Ask him out
A: Ask him out

OP: I can't, let's all come up with 20 pages of convoluted plans to show him I'm interested instead of actually having a conversation with him.

MN: ooohhh yeaaahhh

MNHQ: deleted. PBP

Q - my 9 year old DS wants to be vegetarian and I'm panicking about what to cook.

A - they can cook themselves. Surely they're already doing at least their fair share of family meals? No wonder all adult men are useless.

Q: my sister/SIL/MIL/FIL/NDN/ex/postman/midwife/random classmate I haven't seen for 30 years used the only baby name I've ever loved and was goona use. I'm distraught!!

A1: bastards
A2: get a grip OP, just pick something else
A3: you can still use it
A4: buy a dog and use the name as revenge

and occasionally
A5: btw, when are you due?
OP: I'm not pregnant. don't even have a bf.

Q What are you getting your children for Christmas?
A1- We like to get them
something they want
something they need
something to eat
something to read

A2- I'm getting my two month old the latest iPhone, a Gucci watch and a grand piano and that's just his stocking.

A3- Christmas is far too consumerist, we've whittled ours a charity satsuma.

Q:I've just found something suspicious on my dh phone. Think he might be having an affair
A:Thats a big invasion of his privacy.
A: You obviously don't trust him so the relationship is doomed.
A:Yes he is, advice follows on what to do next then arguments between posters on whether OP shouldve looked on his phone in the first place.

I love this thread, so funny and cheered me up no end! Thanks OP!

Q: Penis beaker
A: MN crashes, internet explodes

Covid thread:

Are we heading towards a third wave? What should Boris do?

1- Lock us down and throw away the key.

2- The third wave is all down to my very inconsiderate neighbour who refuses to wear a mask when collecting their milk from the doorstep, without quarantining the bottle for 3 days.

Do I need to go to hospital

No

OP: AIBU to be fed up because people treat me badly?
MN: no. stand up for yourself
OP: but...
MN: 🤷‍♀️

And on the sad end of the scale (my user name is not a coincidence):

I'm spotting/cramping/symptoms disappeared/the tests aren't progressing. Please give me hope...

...inevitably sad update a few days later.

@thoselinesjustgetfainter 💐

@Sunbird24

OP: My DSC… A: You chose to marry a man with DC, you knew what you were getting into

This!!

Q: My DSC attempted to bath our new baby in baked beans...

A: You had a baby with a man who has had children previously and a failed relationship?

Q went for a lovely walk with DP and DS

A I personally wouldn't have a baby without the security of marriage.

Q. Is my SIL being unreasonable calling her DC a ridiculous name?
A. Can't say without knowing the name.
A. Need to know the name.
A. Keep your beak out.
A. What's the name?
A I'm sensing a back story.
A. What's the name?
A. I think you are mired in FOG.
A. What's the name?
A. You don't seem to like your SIL much.
A. Whats
The
Name..
....
.....
..........

Q: my wife says she doesn't fancy me any more
A: are you doing enough housework

Vs

Q: my husband says he doesn't fancy me any more
A: Cherchez la femme

Q: any problem

A1- A683: solutions offered, OP updated, all sorted & good. no new posts for over 24 hours

A684: righteous indignation on OP's behalf telling them exactly what they've already done

A685- A1000: RTFT!!!!

Q: AIBU to say...

You just lost the game.

A: Bugger.

Q. Are these 'mum boots'
A. God yes! My 87 year old mum wouldn't even wear those.
A. Yes.
A. What are mum boots?
A. Yes.
A. Ffs if you like them wear them.
A. Yes.
A. What about these op?
:Links to boots £300 more expensive than in
the op:
A. Are you a mum? Do you wear boots? Then yes they are mum boots.
A. God they're horrible, are they Hotter?

Q: What do you think about this contentious upcoming court case?
A: This thread has been deleted