Threads you can tell the answer to before opening

[Lumene]

What are the common mumsnet threads with questions you can tell the answer to without having to open them, at least 99% of the time.

I’ll start:

Q: I’m in a new relationship, is this a red flag?
A: Yes.

Q. Should I sleep train my Child or let them
Self settle?
A. Absolutely never, it's so cruel they will think you've left forever, will grow up to be a serial killer and I hope someone reports you to social services. I held mine 24/7 and co slept until they were 40.

Q. What do we think of this fashion trend?
A1 I never pay attention to trends, why do you care about what other people wear?
A2 This is the style and beauty topic

Q long question about complicated situation

A1 the answer is Y
A2 when this happened to my neighbours the answer was D
A3 D is never the answer
A4 professional here (solicitor, GP, surveyor, midwife) - this is complicated you need advice from a professional - could be D or F,G,H. H would be dangerous

OP - thought about getting advice but it would expensive or my job is too important to take time off and I get no leave ever
Or
OP - I spoke to a professional but didn’t like answer H so I thought I’d see if MN would answer differently.

A4 poster looks at certificate that took years of training and study and sighs.

Q: Man here
MN: oh do fuck off dear

OP: Ideas for my DD birthday please. She has A through E and not small plastic things as we have a house full!
A: buy A B CD E F G H I J K L M N plus a shopkins house
OP: ooh G, K and M are perfect. I did say we have loads of plastic tat.
PP: why are you not taking our ideas on board?

Q: my DS has special nee...
A1 through 5: he has ASD.
OP: well 3 professionals have said he has X other condition and not ASD and anyway this is a post about...
A1 through 5: it must be ASD because MN knows best.

Your most disliked celebrities?
A1 names some celebrity

A2 op you are just some vindictive jealous person you should love everyone totally and equally for the rest of time
A3 how can you say that about them?they shit rainbows!
A4 agrees and names 20 other annoying celebs

@CandyLeBonBon

Q: Man here MN: oh do fuck off dear

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Q: So, the Radfords…
A: Thread deleted

Q. Wibu in the supermarket/on the bus/outside the school gates/in the hospital.
A.. yes

Q : I need some advice about my horse

Tack Room Mumsnetters : This is what you need to do, and if that doesn't work, here's the home number of the relevant expert

Random Mumsnetter : I have no idea what you're all talking about but I just want to say that I love this thread.

Q. DH works a job with shifts, but is extremely successful, pays to keep a roof over our heads, loves our kids and is a great man, but I want to work but cant afford childcare.
A1. Your DH should quit his job OP for a more family friendly job.
A2. Why do you have to pay for childcare?
OP. DH cant quit his job, he's got (lists benefits of his job and how he's providing for his family)
A3. Your DH is so selfish if he wont quit his job and work in Asda.
A4. Get a nanny, make DH pay.

@SnugglySnerd

Q: Is my toddler's diet ok? They had a Weetabix and half a banana for breakfast, milk and some grapes mid-morning, a cheese sandwich with carrot and cucumber sticks plus a yoghurt for lunch and for tea they had chicken with broccoli, peas and half a potato.

A: That sounds like a lot of carbs, peas are just basically sugar. I offer hummus with everything.

A: you need to up their protein. Boil some eggs to have in the freezer for snacks.

Brilliant!

I love this thread! You are all very clever posters 😂 I can't come up with anything as good!

Q: coil

A1: love it
A2: horror stories that put Stephen King to shame

Thread title 'gender disappointment'

99% of the time it's about having a boy.

Q: interior decoration

A1: fawning
A2: harsh criticism
A3: twigs and pebbly shit

horror stories that put Stephen King to shame

Zing

🤣🤣🤣 so good!

@firstimemamma

Thread title 'gender disappointment'

99% of the time it's about having a boy.

Yup! Totally agree on this one! Depressingly it's always about having a boy

twigs and pebbly shit

Zing

You've had your porridge today! 👏👏

@SpnBaby1967

Q. DH works a job with shifts, but is extremely successful, pays to keep a roof over our heads, loves our kids and is a great man, but I want to work but cant afford childcare. A1. Your DH should quit his job OP for a more family friendly job. A2. Why do you have to pay for childcare? OP. DH cant quit his job, he's got (lists benefits of his job and how he's providing for his family) A3. Your DH is so selfish if he wont quit his job and work in Asda. A4. Get a nanny, make DH pay.

🤣

This isn't answering the OP (I'm not funny enough as you lot) but I just looked at the next thread.

OP: nursery staff smoking, baby smelling of smoke.

Poster 1: YANBU, smoking is gross

Poster 2: is a forest school, could they have been cooking over an open fire?

This is why I love MN!

OP: I've been told to go back into the office
MN: I have a senior position earning 6 figures and I'd never allow that, find another job, employers will be diving over themselves to hire you.

Thread about a man earning less than his partner

He's a cocklodger get rid of him

Thread about a man earning more but not having joint finances

He's financially abusive LTB

Thread about a man earning more and sharing everything

Get married so you can take him for more in a divorce

Thread about man earning more, sharing finances, doing all the housework

He's a doormat with no ambition LTB or make sure you are married so you can take him for more in a divorce - thread could go either way 🤣

Q: post boring stuff

A1: I'm watching paint dry
A2: I'm getting married!
A3: I'm pregnant with quadruplets!
A4: I've just bought an island!
A5: I've just cut my arm off with a chainsaw, faceplanted on the hot grill, clothes on fire, ripped off a toe nail while running inside and found two intruders wanking all over my bed.