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Original poster

Threads you can tell the answer to before opening

506 replies

Lumene · 09/06/2021 20:14

What are the common mumsnet threads with questions you can tell the answer to without having to open them, at least 99% of the time.

I’ll start:

Q: I’m in a new relationship, is this a red flag?
A: Yes.

OP posts:
Changemynameffs · 10/06/2021 01:16

Q - I am broke and its a week to pay day, I have 10 pounds to feed a family of 5

A - you should know that a chicken will cover meals for a family of 8 for a month. Think of your impact on the environment.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/06/2021 01:20

Q: would you eat this?

A1: no
A2: yes
A3: overreaction, tale of woe that's more iffy than 2 week old milk left in the boot of the car during a heat wave

hotclothbuns · 10/06/2021 02:01

Q: DMIL and DFIL live alone and are elderly, they emailed the other day to ask whether we could come up a day early for Xmas as they wanted to spend more time with us.

A: don't they realise you have your own lives, how can they be so demanding. Cut all contact and block their email addresses.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/06/2021 02:05

Q: I think I did the right thing but I feel guilty

A1: don't feel guilty. you did the right thing
A2: you are a shit bag. to the guillotines with you

GertietheGherkin · 10/06/2021 02:06

Q... Why do I only get to see my DP 6 nights a week?

A1... He's married.
A2...Dump him, he should making you priority.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/06/2021 02:07

Q: AIBU?

MN: yes. 100%
OP: no I'm not you nest of vipers

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/06/2021 02:20

Q: anything with the faintest hint of troll

A1: reported (which always gets me🤣)

1forAll74 · 10/06/2021 02:37

AIBU. yes, you are always unreasonable, as you keep asking if you are unreasonable every time you post to ask if you are unreasonable. so there is your answer !

Susannahmoody · 10/06/2021 02:55

Q. Should grandparents /in-laws come over and watch my chaotic toddler triplets for the weekend whilst I go to Marrakech?

A. Er...

Providora · 10/06/2021 04:07

Q: My neighbour's thrash metal band rehearses between 12am and 4am every night, next to my bedroom wall, what can I do?

A: If you can't handle other peoples' noise you should have moved to a detached house in the middle of nowhere.

Q: Going for my first brazilian wax, any tips?

A: You're a porn sheep and your partner is a paedophile.

Q: Can you help me with an outfit for XX occasion?

A: Who cares, I wear whatever the fuck I like, don't give a shit how I look.

nettie434 · 10/06/2021 04:26

Q: Trying to decide between these two dresses (photos attached) for a wedding. We've just been invited for the evening reception

A: Is there something wrong with your curtains? They don't seem to be hanging properly in the photo
A: The one on the left is too revealing to wear for a church service
A: I hope you're not going to wear that dress with those shoes

Pixysmoke · 10/06/2021 04:30

Q..Do you regret becoming a parent?
A. Yes but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Q. ...OLD?
A. It's a cess-pit

Q. New partner has ED issues
A. He's a porn addict.

Q. DH says he doesn't know what he wants anymore
A. Sorry OP he's met someone.
A. It's the Script!!

PhilCornwall1 · 10/06/2021 05:06

@Pinuporc

Smokeahontas

Dont forget the teenagers are all 6'3 tall and either elite sports people or skinny as a rake!

To be fair, ours is 6'3 and an elite athlete. He's forever training, his dedication is just amazing for a 19 year old.

He WILL be the world Sleepathon champion.

TheTuesdayPringle · 10/06/2021 05:22

I'm not getting outside enough, am slightly worried about my vitamin D levels.

A - Take a supplement
B - You are asking the INTERNET for MEDICAL ADVICE? You idiot. Book an appointment with a specialist immediately.

TheTuesdayPringle · 10/06/2021 05:24

PhilCornwall

Thu 10-Jun-21 05:06:45
Pinuporc

Smokeahontas

Dont forget the teenagers are all 6'3 tall and either elite sports people or skinny as a rake!

To be fair, ours is 6'3 and an elite athlete. He's forever training, his dedication is just amazing for a 19 year old.

oh dear....

PhilCornwall1 · 10/06/2021 05:29

*To be fair, ours is 6'3 and an elite athlete. He's forever training, his dedication is just amazing for a 19 year old.

oh dear....*

Read the bit underneath.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 10/06/2021 05:42

OP: I have a DH and two DC.......
A1: Is that you Sharon?

OP: I got very cross with my OP yesterday....
A23: But did you snap and fart?

OP: Friend says I am vulgar to shop at Aldi. AIBU?
A1: Their fruit and veg don't last.
A2: They throw the shopping at you.
A3: They don't stock organic falafel/ seaweed burgers/ monkfish.
A4: I get a full shop at Sainsbury's for less than you'd think.
A5: I always order from Fortnum and Masons. Everyone knows Sainsbury's are just there to keep the riffraff out of Waitrose.

KarensGobbyChops · 10/06/2021 06:19

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

Q: my dog was totally unprovoked but it attacked me and ate my eyeball. what should I do?

A: dogs NEVER attack unless provoked! it's your fault. poor puppy. eyeballs are not suitable dog food, make sure you take him to the vet

😂
slashlover · 10/06/2021 06:44

OP - The local thug who has just got out jail for murdering a man and has been in loads of times for fighting/assaulting men frowned at me.
A1 - He wouldn't have done that if you were a man.

OP - My DH said that he fancied an actress on TV. AIBU to be upset?
A1 - That it so disrespectful!
A2 - LTB!
A3 - He's abusive!

Thread underneath

OP - I said I fancy this actor and my DH got annoyed.
A1 - LTB!
A2 - Are you not allowed an opinion?
A3 - It's perfectly normal to fancy other people.

TopBlogger · 10/06/2021 07:01

Q. Dh stays out all night, treats me disrespectfully, gives me 50p for food and hates my family
Me A. Hardly 'D' H then is he

Q. Neighbours rampaging into the garden, setting the car on fire, looting and shooting. What shall I do?
A 1. Ring 111 NOW!
Me A2. Why would you ring the NHS?

Q. (On Royal Family section) I think Harry and Meghan....
A1. Not another H and M post
A2. Not interested OP
OP. WHY DID YOU CLICK ON THE THREAD THEN??!
A1/2. Did you mean to be so rude OP?

Q. Whatever...
A1. Thread is in the Daily Fail/Snail/Trail
A2. Well you obviously read the DM to know it's in there A1, so why diss it?

Chanel05 · 10/06/2021 07:04

This thread is hilarious 😆.

CandyLeBonBon · 10/06/2021 07:13

Q: my DB/DH/BIL/FIL is a totally misogynistic woman hating arse who is always rude and unkind

A1: could he be on the spectrum OP?
A2: Have you considered dementia OP?

no he's just a rude bastard

CroneAVirus · 10/06/2021 07:15

Q: My DH spends an hour every evening on the phone to a woman he does his hobby with. He also bought her platinum and diamond shoes as a thank you present for a favour she did for him and he says her name in his sleep. Should I be worried?

A: Men and women can be friends you know. Have you always been this jealous? You sound exhausting.

SnugglySnerd · 10/06/2021 07:19

Q: Is my toddler's diet ok? They had a Weetabix and half a banana for breakfast, milk and some grapes mid-morning, a cheese sandwich with carrot and cucumber sticks plus a yoghurt for lunch and for tea they had chicken with broccoli, peas and half a potato.

A: That sounds like a lot of carbs, peas are just basically sugar. I offer hummus with everything.

A: you need to up their protein. Boil some eggs to have in the freezer for snacks.

TopBlogger · 10/06/2021 07:25

@PhilCornwall1

*To be fair, ours is 6'3 and an elite athlete. He's forever training, his dedication is just amazing for a 19 year old.

oh dear....*

Read the bit underneath.

Grin

I think he will find he has a lot of competition - TopBlogger jnr is putting the hours in too