I think I’ve been awful to him haven’t I?

[Lollipu]

I fell out with DP last night because he always hesitates about when we will next see each other. He likes to think things over and is a careful and considered sort of man. He’s so lovely. I feel like I’ve ruined the relationship. I asked if I could come over on Wednesday and he was vague and said he needed to check and I just went mad. Said it was unfair, did he want a real relationship, how could he not want to organise this and how could he not know yet if he wanted to do that, said I needed to organise my week too.

I was unfair and I feel terrible. I’m worried it’s over.

I'm sure he is a nice man but I don't think this guy is suitable relationship material for anyone; he's more the sort to be friends with and have the odd theatre trip etc. The fact he's been single for 15 years, that he prioritises solitude after work and his lack of adaptability to plan ahead must tell you that.

My brother does this, he never confirms plans until the last minute, it’s clear to me that he is waiting for a better offer.

I don’t think you were unfair at all OP. A 40 yo should be able to say “yes” or “no”. He’s the one who sounds exhausting. Apologise for your delivery if you must, but I would suggest either asking him to be more straightforward, or backing off.

@Lollipu

How can he text and not even fkg mention it?! What sort of arsehole does that? Just ignores what I said entirely

He's avoidant op and he's testing the water to see if you won't mention it either.

Did you reply?

@BillyIsMyBunny

Are you always available for his last minute plans? If you do stay with him I would start making plans with other people and stop keeping evenings/ weekends free and when he tries to arrange something day that you’re sorry but you’re busy, can you make a date for next week instead? If he’s serious about the relationship then when he realised he can’t just expect you to drop everything last minute he should want to make plans in advance and, if he doesn’t, it sounds like he’s not worth investing any more time in.

This. I would stop initiating plans and, if and when he asks clout

.. about the weekend, I would say you've already made arrangements to do other things. You've been compliant with his last-minute wait and see approach for months, and it's only made you feel more frustrated and unhappy.