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Original poster

Kicked out of childcare again. 2yo. Desperate for help.

255 replies

BeyondHopee · 07/06/2021 10:46

My son was with a childminder for five months, never settled, cried all day to go home so they gave us notice. We started him in a nursery, same situation, four months later and they've given us notice. What do I do? Keep trying different settings? I've missed so much work picking him up all the time it's a miracle I still have a job. If I have to go through all the settling in half days again, and miss more work, I probably won't. I can't afford to quit my job and be at home with him, I love my job and I don't want to lose it. What do I do? Has anyone experienced this? I just don't think he will be happy anywhere but home, but he has to be somewhereSad

OP posts:
justanotherneighinparadise · 08/06/2021 09:10

@BeyondHopee

I managed to get hold of a nursery yesterday afternoon with space who said they were more than happy to try, they said they've never had a child not settle in 18 years so hopefully he won't be the first. We're going for a gradual transition like suggested here, we're popping by this morning and every morning this week just to see how it goes. I'm full of dread but trying to hide it so he doesn't pick up on it.
Hope it goes well OP 🙏🏻
peridito · 08/06/2021 09:11

Great news OP .

I've worked in pre school settings and while there were some brilliant staff there were also some shockingly bad ones .This is London though and I think the sheer number of settings ,the demand etc might hide poor performing places .

rosesarered321 · 08/06/2021 09:15

That sounds promising OP, I hope it works out. I worked in my nursery for 12 years and we never had one that wouldn't settle, some took longer. We'd never, ever leave a child to cry, they'd be given a cuddle, chatted to cheerfully, distracted with activities. We would start off with shorter days if we felt it necessary.

Interested in this thread?

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2 year olds Behaviour & development Childcare & nursery Families
LostThings · 08/06/2021 09:18

That sounds promising OP. Fingers crossed it works out for you Daffodil

AnyFucker · 08/06/2021 09:25

Good luck 🤞

Robin233 · 08/06/2021 09:29

Really good news.
My sister is a nursery nurse.
Kids pick up your vibes , so dump the dread (easier said than done. )
Make it into an adventure- lots of smiles, happy chatter 'ooh isn't this exciting? Oh what a group of little smashers they are here!'
He'll pick up on your excitement even if he doesn't understand it.
Good luck!

dottiedodah · 08/06/2021 09:42

Having been a Nursery School Teacher ,I think there are often children who for various reasons take time to settle down .Usually there are distraction techniques that can be used .Hopefully you will be 3rd time lucky ,and the gradual introduction of a new setting sounds helpful .People here telling you to give up work are not being realistic. Many women today work or they wouldnt be able to survive! Good Luck OP hope all gets sorted out for you xx

KisstheTeapot14 · 08/06/2021 10:04

Good Luck OP come back and keep us posted. Fingers crossed you'll find a setting where they will go the extra mile to get him settled.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/06/2021 11:05

@BeyondHopee

I managed to get hold of a nursery yesterday afternoon with space who said they were more than happy to try, they said they've never had a child not settle in 18 years so hopefully he won't be the first. We're going for a gradual transition like suggested here, we're popping by this morning and every morning this week just to see how it goes. I'm full of dread but trying to hide it so he doesn't pick up on it.
Sounds good @BeyondHopee

And for your to leave premises , leave a cuddly with dc and return will help then as well

Obv as I said before for any CM and nursery having a child cry day in and out for months is hard for all

But you need to work and he will have to get used to it

Onv 2 is diff from 4.4.5 and school but again they will have to stay there

I do think I’d you are home bodies , you need to get out every day maybe twice a day to park, woods , walk , shops Friends etc

So gets used to going out

Lulola · 08/06/2021 17:04

How did it go OP?

Tumbleweed101 · 08/06/2021 19:51

Hope all goes well with the new nursery.

Provide lots of photos and information about what he likes so the staff have talking points. Some children do take a while to settle but there is usually something that can be found to break the ice. A good nursery will identify the staff member he starts to bond with and work from there. Two is still very little and it can take time for some children, they just need to find the right adult and environment. We had a little one take a while to settle but now she has the most wicked sense of humour and vivid imagination and she loves coming in.

vickylou78 · 11/06/2021 09:35

Great news! Hope it goes well.

Op just tell your son a few white lies 'like you heard this nursery has the BEST toys so you really wanted him to try this new nursery' and 'he will make lots of new pals!' or something like that. Put a massive smile on and act as best you can and eventually the acting will be real excitement rather than dread! Fingers crossed for you!

Original poster
BeyondHopee · 09/07/2021 15:42

He's been in his new nursery for a month and now attends 3 full days a week. He cried on drop off until this week, but apart from his first week where he took a bit longer he's always settled within half hour. He also got upset mid afternoon and would ask to go home, but would snap out of it relatively quickly.

This week, he is walking in with a cheery "bye bye mummy" and actually asking to go to nursery in the mornings. The photos they send he looks so happy in.

I can't believe it! I truly thought we were beyond hope and that he just wasn't the kind of child that can thrive in childcare. I'm so happy and relieved Smile

OP posts:
Justgettingbye · 09/07/2021 15:44

Congratulations that's amazing! I'm so glad it worked out!

billy1966 · 09/07/2021 16:30

Great update OP.
What a hard time you have had, very stressful.

2bazookas · 09/07/2021 18:37

I'm already part time and barely earning, and paying for child care

That doesn't fit with "I can't afford to quit my job and be at home with him"

It's not unreasonable for a 2 yr old to want, and need, to be with his family in his familiar home and routine.

ddl1 · 09/07/2021 20:20

Good news!

Ilovechoc12 · 09/07/2021 20:51

Are you able to swap the days tues, wed, thurs so your child knows it’s all 3 days together - it helped my child .... rather than one day on one day off ....

Also, maybe try a child minder who is older age , more experienced ..... and a smaller number of children so your child settles. The person who helped me a million percent was a 55/60 yr old lady who had seen a lot of children so tried lots of different tactics which I didn’t know about.

Any grandparents in the area?

Good luck I really hope you find someone your child loves spending time with! X

FlyingPandas · 09/07/2021 20:56

Bless you OP. What a lovely update.

Sometimes, I think it does just take a change of setting. A new nursery, a varied approach, a different set of practitioners - all can make so much difference to a toddler.

I’ve known friends’ DC be unhappy (to the point of being more or less selectively mute) in one nursery setting and then flourish and thrive in another. Nothing specific wrong with the original settings, just that the subsequent ones just suited their DC and seemed to meet their needs so much better.

Hopefully it is onwards and upwards for your DS now Cake

Dontdripme · 09/07/2021 21:03

@BeyondHopee

I agree he has learnt how to get his way, the automatic switch in his behaviour when he knows I'm on the way (walking to door, smiling, waving, saying bye bye). I'm not denying it's hard for him and I don't want to sound unsympathetic but he has learnt if he cries enough I turn up. He goes to nursery on Monday, Tuesday and Friday.
Why are the nursery giving notice? He us going to need to get past this, you can’t give up work and he’ll be inschool soon enough
Dontdripme · 09/07/2021 21:04

@BeyondHopee

He's been in his new nursery for a month and now attends 3 full days a week. He cried on drop off until this week, but apart from his first week where he took a bit longer he's always settled within half hour. He also got upset mid afternoon and would ask to go home, but would snap out of it relatively quickly.

This week, he is walking in with a cheery "bye bye mummy" and actually asking to go to nursery in the mornings. The photos they send he looks so happy in.

I can't believe it! I truly thought we were beyond hope and that he just wasn't the kind of child that can thrive in childcare. I'm so happy and relieved Smile

Yay! Just seen this, thats wonderful, what a relief!
Moonlight1972 · 09/07/2021 21:30

Brilliant news !! You must be se happy and relieved

ThreeLocusts · 09/07/2021 22:07

Wow this sounds really hard. At least you know he likes being at home...

Can you pool resources with friends with similar-age kids to share the cost of a nanny, so s/he can look after the kids in your home?

Tomnooktoldmeto · 09/07/2021 22:27

Wonderful update, so happy for you

StrongLegs · 09/07/2021 22:31

That's really wonderful news! Well done. Phew! I'm so relieved for you.