Small things that are big tells

[SisterAgatha]

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

[quote AnnieSnap]@AmberIsACertainty Several of us read it that way. Why did you read it differently?[/quote]
Because I don't assume that everything everyone says is a lie. And I think that if she'd posted "I explained politely that I'm sorry but I have a prosthetic leg (or whatever the issue is) and can't stand" others wouldn't have assumed she was lying either. Which is my whole point: that it seems disabled people are only allowed to behave a certain way.

ie she didn't behave in the allowed way therefore it was assumed she isn't disabled

@Spied forget they exist
So no presents or cards.
They can't have it both ways

@Lullaby88

Not sure if this has been mentioned. But when someone cant look you in the eye or give you little eye contact when speaking. Something is up.

Socially awkward usually.

Can also be a cultural thing, particularly with male-female interactions.

Never had a Saturday morning/weekend or after school job and/or were never in Cubs/Brownies/Scouts/Guides.

Of course there can be perfectly valid reasons for not having experienced any of these, but in my experience if they haven't, they're often not "normal".

@AmberIsACertainty Maybe you should check with the poster in question that you are correct before you continue with your ‘dog with a bone’ approach to this 🙄

@OzBoy

Never had a Saturday morning/weekend or after school job and/or were never in Cubs/Brownies/Scouts/Guides.

Of course there can be perfectly valid reasons for not having experienced any of these, but in my experience if they haven't, they're often not "normal".

Really? 😮 Could you define normal? 🤷‍♀️

Posting about good deeds they have done on social media - Did not have good intentions for the charity or whatever.
Posting about their child being bullied and being very, very unkind about the other child/children involved on social media - usually their child is the bully.
Posting about how much cleaning/organising they’ve achieved on social media - low self esteem.
Posting about what they’ve bought/got on social media - bragger and generally think they are better than everyone else.
Anyone who posts on social media about being kind/use nice words etc are usually complete arseholes.

@eatsleepread

A well-off friend of mine picked me up some Tena Lady when I was extremely ill with Covid (the coughing fits led to 'accidents'). In the circumstances, I would have written off the debt (£5) and not expected it back. I'd have been happy to help out a friend. She supplied her bank details and I paid it back. I've always felt a bit about it.

Tightfistedness, one of the most off-putting traits. Ugh.

The only people I've known who are like this have ALL been well-off. Funny, that.

@OzBoy

Never had a Saturday morning/weekend or after school job and/or were never in Cubs/Brownies/Scouts/Guides.

Of course there can be perfectly valid reasons for not having experienced any of these, but in my experience if they haven't, they're often not "normal".

Plenty of people don't experience these sorts of things due to a lack of input from their parents for Cubs/Brownies/Scouts/Guides. And plenty of people don't live in an area where a Saturday morning/weekend or after school job is possible due to lack of transport and again, lack of parental back up....how this makes them abnormal I have no idea?

@OzBoy

Never had a Saturday morning/weekend or after school job and/or were never in Cubs/Brownies/Scouts/Guides.

Of course there can be perfectly valid reasons for not having experienced any of these, but in my experience if they haven't, they're often not "normal".

None of my 4 have done these. We live rural and they never had an interest in those clubs.

I hated the idea of Brownies/Guides so never did it.
Am I not "normal"?
I have never really been a joiner-in or big on group socialising, certainly.

*Never had a Saturday morning/weekend or after school job and/or were never in Cubs/Brownies/Scouts/Guides.

Of course there can be perfectly valid reasons for not having experienced any of these, but in my experience if they haven't, they're often not "normal"*

I never joined Brownies because my parents wouldn't pay for it, and I didn't get a Saturday job because I had zero confidence. Does that make me a monster?

Going to Brownies / Cubs etc. are primarily decisions made by your parents, not you. What an utterly bizarre thing to judge someone on - it says a lot more about you than the people who you're judging.

Do you judge people if their parents didn't send them to music lessons and sports clubs too?

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

Going to Brownies / Cubs etc. are primarily decisions made by your parents, not you. What an utterly bizarre thing to judge someone on - it says a lot more about you than the people who you're judging.

Do you judge people if their parents didn't send them to music lessons and sports clubs too?

Hands up for 'not normal' too ! Quite a compliment really going by that poster's idea of normal.

Never enrolled to any out-of-school clubs, not even when I asked to be, let's just say I wasn't my mother's priority and leave it there.

@0zzyfan

Sorry to sound naive - but why is it that why say ‘they prefer male company’ a red flag - a female I work with says it and there is something about her I can’t stand but I wonder what is she actually SAYING when she says this?

Also I started seeing someone who ‘hates’ all his exes now and says they were all crazy liars, manipulative and still obsessed with him - what does this mean?!!

I enjoy this conversation about red flags but RED FLAGGING WHAt !!!!

I find that women who prefer male company fall into one of two camps:

1. Likes being the centre of attention, being flirty, feeling wanted, feeling special, feeling protected, feels less judgement by men
2. Prefers straight talking and directness, like banter, less bitchiness, less drama

With "hating all his exes", my guess is that they possibly all have called him out on his flaws and he's not willing to acknowledge that they might be right and he should address his behaviour. By putting the blame on them, he takes it off himself - he's also cueing up the blame on you if your relationship doesn't work out (hopefully it will and you're super happy!). Also, the common denominator is him!

2. Prefers straight talking and directness, like banter, less bitchiness, less drama

In my experience, men can be every bit as bitchy, manipulative and dramatic as women can be. Thinking that these are female characteristics is a big tell, imo.

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

2. Prefers straight talking and directness, like banter, less bitchiness, less drama

In my experience, men can be every bit as bitchy, manipulative and dramatic as women can be. Thinking that these are female characteristics is a big tell, imo.

That's true, this has just been my experience - perhaps I've been lucky with the men in my life, though my female friends aren't like this either!

So many triggered racists on this thread.

Another: anyone who's racially goady and uses known racist terms, then posts "how do you know if I'm white or not" - without saying they're not white - is definitely white, and definitely a racist.

@WisconsinRaw

So many triggered racists on this thread.

Another: anyone who's racially goady and uses known racist terms, then posts "how do you know if I'm white or not" - without saying they're not white - is definitely white, and definitely a racist.

You think I’m white? You are so wrong ! 🤣

"I'm an empath, I can feel what you are thinking and it upsets me" = actually a complete narcissist. Two sides of the same coin.

You're right about chronically unhappy people who can't keep friends being bad listeners. I don't have those people in my life anymore since I came to that realization.
Little things like making baked beans for breakfast for us - even though they had never seen me eat them when we lived together since I said they were gross - even on poverty rations.

The universe isn't all about you. And that is actually OK.

@AmberIsACertainty

ie she didn't behave in the allowed way therefore it was assumed she isn't disabled

yes yes to this, I see it the same way!

I have an invisible disability and wear a lanyard saying so also I have a please give me a seat card.

If i were able bodied I would give up a seat when a pregnant lady asked me to but obviously in real life I actually can't