Small things that are big tells

[SisterAgatha]

Just for fun, what are the little things you notice about people that actually tell you quite a lot about their nature.

I noticed last week that whenever we go for dinner with my SIL she always assumes the first meal that comes out is hers. Even if it’s very obviously not. And if you order the same thing, she practically snatches the one that is served first. Lots of eye balling peoples dinner to check no one has got anything she ordered. I can definitely extend this behaviour in to other areas of her life too.

Anyone else spot these little things?

@BalloonSlayer YES! I am having a horrible time at the moment with one of these people.

@AmberIsACertainty My understanding i# that she told people she had a hidden disability in order to avoid giving-up her seat, because she does actually have a disability. If I’m wrong, I apologise.

"Agree also with the people who have drama with one or more people usually have drama in all aspects of their life and live very chaotically."

I tend to agree with this as well. Someone I know is constantly fighting with everyone and says she can't understand why. I know if I told her why it would cause a huge issue though...

[quote AnnieSnap]@AmberIsACertainty My understanding i# that she told people she had a hidden disability in order to avoid giving-up her seat, because she does actually have a disability. If I’m wrong, I apologise.[/quote]
See this is what bothers me. Why would you (or anyone else) assume that from her post? Because she wasn't apologetic or humble enough for being disabled? Instead shrugged her shoulders at people with a "sorry, nope" attitude. Like disabled people have to conform to a stereotype of the "poor, sweet, open about the nature of the problem so everyone can pity them, disabled person" in order to be believed. Like they're not allowed to just behave same as anyone else or keep their private stuff private if they wish. I'm not having a go at you in particular, I think it's an example of a wider society problem and needs saying.

*and I've just realised I misread the quote and automatically inserted a 'not' in front of the 'because' otherwise it didn't make any sense. Perhaps I shouldn't have done that? Maybe it wasn't supposed to make sense

The colleague who repeatedly told everyone (loudly) 'I talk too much, me, just tell me to shut up, I can take it!'

The single most over-sensitive person I have ever met. And the loudest. And the most voluble.

@AmberIsACertainty I certainly don’t make that type of assumption. Infact you are being pretty presumptuous yourself there. The way I read her post is that she is not disabled!

People who do this when talking to them, look around, fiddle with phone or something else, distract others by pointing out silly thing like a bird, flower etc. Sometimes just cut in with something totally different. Have taken account they do it with others as well. So now I pointedly say "am I boring you" or I just give up talking to them. Very odd, very bad manners. I try really hard to be quick in my comments and not drone or nor do I hog the whole conversation as some are prone to do.

Dp's family always do their best to try and forget I exist.
Earlier this week mil had called to pick up something from our house.
"I'm at (my DP's name) house" when her phone rang and she answered. Dp wasn't even in the house. Just me.
A few days ago we saw DP's sister walking along our street with her ds.
"Oh look, here's Uncle X" she declares to her Son. No mention of me - the invisible woman who buys the Birthday cards/gifts etc for her and her kid!!

@KarensGobbyChops

It's in the thread shinynewapple21. The sandwich theory, have a reread.

DansMaPoche probably doesn't feel the need to retype it all, unless we are indeed still dans sa poche and she just hasn't checked MN yet.

Yeah sorry , I asked the question when I reached the point in the thread where the comment about the sandwich was . I did see later it had been answered but couldn't unpost.'

@quizqueen

People who can't spell and have a poor grasp of written grammar who then say that it doesn't matter, when it was things they should have mastered before leaving infant school.

@quizqueen the fact that you find this an issue says more about you than the people you are criticising . There are 101 reasons why some people's SPAG isn't as good as others , and Imid you aren't aware of any of these by now I'd be wasting my time telling you

See this is what bothers me. Why would you (or anyone else) assume that from her post? Because she wasn't apologetic or humble enough for being disabled? Instead shrugged her shoulders at people with a "sorry, nope" attitude. Like disabled people have to conform to a stereotype of the "poor, sweet, open about the nature of the problem so everyone can pity them, disabled person" in order to be believed. Like they're not allowed to just behave same as anyone else or keep their private stuff private if they wish. I'm not having a go at you in particular, I think it's an example of a wider society problem and needs saying.

That never occurred to me in the slightest. I myself have invisible disabilities that make it dangerous for me to stand in a moving vehicle, and have suffered from people assuming that I'm just not prepared to give up my seat.

The thing was, that the poster first explained her failure to get up as due to being absorbed in reading, and only then mentioned that she said 'sorry, invisible disability' to people who asked her. If she'd said at the start (to us on the thread.) that she had an invisible disabiiity, I would have accepted it without question. It's nothing to do with not being sweet or apologetic enough; it's that she seemed to be giving a different and less valid reason to us than the one she was using for other passengers. As I say, I do apologize if I got the wrong end of the stick.

@Ozanj

People who describe themselves as ‘straight forward’ or ‘plain speaking’ are often just bullies who will use any old excuse to start a fight

Better than bitching about you behind your back. On balance I'd rather deal with the straight-forward people as I know where I am with them.

@Spied

Dp's family always do their best to try and forget I exist. Earlier this week mil had called to pick up something from our house. "I'm at (my DP's name) house" when her phone rang and she answered. Dp wasn't even in the house. Just me. A few days ago we saw DP's sister walking along our street with her ds. "Oh look, here's Uncle X" she declares to her Son. No mention of me - the invisible woman who buys the Birthday cards/gifts etc for her and her kid!!

In those circumstances, I would no longer be buying the cards and gifts for the inlaws!

@Losttheplotyearsago

Oh, just thought of another one. women who use little girl voices and act like they little girls. Sometimes they use little girl body language, the way they sit and the clothes they wear. I guess am being a bit intolerant as people can wear what they want and speak how they like but I can't help seeing women like that as a bit manipulative because they come across as needy. It all seems a bit of an act to be honest . Am not convinced most adults are really that helpless.

I agree. It's very irritating when women (or men for that matter) are very needy and want to be carried around by their partners/adult children or whatever. Learned helplessness is very irritating.

A person of any colour could say " play the race card" and it would be toe curling in my opinion.

@Dillidilly

The colleague who repeatedly told everyone (loudly) 'I talk too much, me, just tell me to shut up, I can take it!'

The single most over-sensitive person I have ever met. And the loudest. And the most voluble.

Oh, crikey!

Yes! I had a colleague like that, too. She was ver - er, forthright with other people about what she perceived as their faults, often being very unkind. She always said If I was/doing/being XYZ, I would rather somebody told me so I could put it right."

Well - someone DID tell her (after she was particularly brutal towards someone) - very gently and with much more sensitivity than she ever demonstrated, that she was hurting people's feelings with her comments. She burst into tears and ran off to the toilet for an hour refusing to come out as it was obvious we "hated" her (we didn't, but she was a PITA). When she came out she made us all feel dreadful ("I've got epilepsy. You're picking on me and you know I'm ill." - it was true she had epilepsy, but she'd only had one incident in the umpteen years that I'd known her because it was controlled by medication).

She was (in retrospect) an absolute shit who manipulated people at every turn. She was the one I've mentioned before on MN who thought that children with additional needs shouldn't be allowed to mix with "normal" people, because she didn't like to see them.

@ddl1

See this is what bothers me. Why would you (or anyone else) assume that from her post? Because she wasn't apologetic or humble enough for being disabled? Instead shrugged her shoulders at people with a "sorry, nope" attitude. Like disabled people have to conform to a stereotype of the "poor, sweet, open about the nature of the problem so everyone can pity them, disabled person" in order to be believed. Like they're not allowed to just behave same as anyone else or keep their private stuff private if they wish. I'm not having a go at you in particular, I think it's an example of a wider society problem and needs saying.

That never occurred to me in the slightest. I myself have invisible disabilities that make it dangerous for me to stand in a moving vehicle, and have suffered from people assuming that I'm just not prepared to give up my seat.

The thing was, that the poster first explained her failure to get up as due to being absorbed in reading, and only then mentioned that she said 'sorry, invisible disability' to people who asked her. If she'd said at the start (to us on the thread.) that she had an invisible disabiiity, I would have accepted it without question. It's nothing to do with not being sweet or apologetic enough; it's that she seemed to be giving a different and less valid reason to us than the one she was using for other passengers. As I say, I do apologize if I got the wrong end of the stick.

Agree - I thought this too.

She gave the impression that there was nothing wrong with her, and that she was determined to keep her seat come hell or high water.

If she had a hidden disability, she hid it well (if you'll pardon the pun).

Better than bitching about you behind your back. On balance I'd rather deal with the straight-forward people as I know where I am with them.

Bitching to someone's face or bitching behind their back are not the only two options. You can just not bitch about them at all.

[quote AnnieSnap]@AmberIsACertainty I certainly don’t make that type of assumption. Infact you are being pretty presumptuous yourself there. The way I read her post is that she is not disabled![/quote]
Maybe I didn't explain myself very well. Your totally missing my point. Why did you read her post that way? She stated she told people she had a hidden disability, so why did you read her post to mean that she doesn't have a disability.

If you don't mind people thinking you're a massive racist then knock yourself out, looptheloopinahulahoop

@AmberIsACertainty Several of us read it that way. Why did you read it differently?

People who say they are easy/easy going are usually not.

People who talk constantly about how much they sacrifice for their kids, how they put them first and how they are their world usually do the bare minimum and expect thanks/compliance for the rest of their life.

Office goodies - , bday cards, cakes, emails thanking cc to the whole office are usually backstabbers/snitch to boss to get ahead.

People who say "I decided to put myself first for once" always put themselves first.

People who make out that the entire company would fall apart if they left are usually arrogant bullies.