Honestly - what are your plans for housing when you get older?

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

Slightly inspired by another thread but not a TAAT.

I see so many threads on Mumsnet where elderly parents do not want to move out of a house or home that is no longer suitable for them. My own 90 year old mother is in this situation. Although she lives in a bungalow it has front and back gardens that she hasn't been able to maintain for about 10 years and if anything goes wrong in the house either my brother or I have to sort it for her. She needs her bathroom converting now. We've overseen a new boiler and kitchen refurb, sourcing all the materials and workmen and keeping her company while work is going on - even though we both live quite a distance away.

The time for her to have moved to sheltered accommodation would have been about 5 years ago, but she didn't want to do it "because of the effort/stress".

My pledge to my children I make here and now is that I will face facts and do the right thing re. downsizing before I get too old for it.

Why don't some of the older generation get it? I know it's a form of denial and I know people can passionately love their houses and all the memories they represent, but why didn't they think about it before?

I don't mean to sound heartless and unkind. But have you thought about it (maybe 60ish plus) and what are your plans?

Our plan (age 57/67) is to do a major long overdue refurb of our bungalow - new roof, new drains, replace the garage, extension, garden landscaped which should set us up here for---- hopefully 15-20 years. We've been here 20 years already and like it here.

Will need to evaluate a move closer to town depending on how we do health wise.

I was talking about this moving with my 96 year old DF yesterday. He is fine at his home on his own (mum died last year) and he is well set up there re location and convenience. He can get into the village shops safely on a mobility scooter if it came to that (he's still fine to drive). He's part of the community there and it's too late to move him without him suffering (and there's no need to). Ideally they should have moved if they were going to when they were healthy 70 ish year olds, still with energy and strength but there was too much clutter and my mum couldn't face dealing with her hoard.
I think it's good to think and plan for old age and ensure you'll have access to a suitable downstairs bathroom for when you can't safely manage the stairs any more.

@Nanalisa60

The house i live in now is a converted Bungalow, we made a big master up stairs with en-suite, and another spare bedroom, we then made sure that we had another bathroom and another bedroom downstairs, we did this when we were in our early 50’s. Unfortunately my DH parents, never did this so my father in law ended spending the last few months of his life in his upstairs bedroom, I can’t tell you how many times we asked them to move in there 70,s & 80,s, Would not listen to us, now mil is on her own and still refusing to move!!

I know that at least when we are old and can’t manage the stairs that we have everything we need down stairs, but I will miss my big master upstairs!! So will try and get up those stairs for as long as I can.

Similar here - chalet bungalow with big kitchen diner plus 2 reception rooms and a bathroom downstairs. We lived entirely downstairs when we first moved in and our NDN lived downstairs until he couldn't manage any more.

There’s an amazing sheltered housing place near me which is like a swanky hotel. Indoor gardens and wide corridors with plush rooms off them. I imagine it’s extortionate but in an ideal world I’d live there.

My other alternative is a converted bus but that will probably only do me for a year or two before the novelty wears off!

the thread is moving along quickly.
i worked as a nurse placing seniors in long term and assisted living facilities.
with some of what i noticed through work and family experience:
moved early at 57 while still fit and healthy.
moved to a bigger center with potentially more services (from town of 10K to 100K pop).
one level living with a huge shower that would accommodate room for a helper.
family...well it's a compromise. we are closer to our children somewhat 6 and 8 hours away vs 14 and 16 hour drives.
it's a larger airport for our third child but unfortunately not a direct flight so a bit of a milk run.
the plan is to remain in this home till we are unable to drive. then move to an apartment type complex i estimate that to be around age 85.
my mother is 88 now. widowed at 85, didn't want to move or make any changes for 1 year as recommended. then in the second year covid hit, so not going anywhere, then third year the housing market has gone nuts and the numbers scare her.
the concept that this move is her "final living space" makes her teary like she is awaiting a death sentence.
so for now she waits and my brother keeps an eye on her (she drives and hopes to not spend a penny on the house).

@DancesWithFelines

I've been thinking about this, there are some maisonettes with gardens backing onto a beautiful recreation ground and I'd like to buy a ground floor one as a rental in a few years with a view to moving into it in old age (I'm 38 now). They aren't the prettiest buildings on the outside but are on a quiet street, decent dimensions, stunning view and walking distance/bus route to town.

People think I'm mad thinking that far ahead!

Sounds great. Don't blame you.

I quite fancy a static caravan on a site with a bit of a social club, but even those are really expensive with substantial ground rent . Does anyone have any experience?

Not a holiday site, the ones designed for year round living.

My MIL is now in residential care - caused in part by her lack of mobility. She should have moved into sheltered accommodation but refused to leave her unsuitable home

My DH and I plan to retire next year - we have carried out all foreseeable major repairs to our house over the last few years - roof, new bathroom, windows etc and plan to change the layout downstairs so it would be possible for a downstairs bedroom if needed. We won't move as we are close to public transport of needed and next door to local small supermarket and shops

Housing availability is the problem here. There are very few bungalows in walking distance of the town centre. They often only come on the market after the owners die, needing a total refurb, then they get snapped up by young families and converted to large 4 bedroom houses. There are some roads with a few of them left but they are some way from the town centre (eg two miles) on busy roads with no pavements and no public transport and so are unsuitable for those that can no longer drive. There are retirement flats but they are tiny, cramped and poor investments. There are also lots of small blocks of flats squeezed into plots closer to the town centre but they are tiny and marketed as starter homes. I can only think of one proper block of flats with decent proportions and walking distance to the town centre.

My mum is 76 and her house is way too big for her as is the garden. But when it is all paid for except a bit of maintenance here and there l can understand why she wouldn't want the stress of moving. We have got a plan that when my friends and l get old, they are all going to move in to my house cos it is the biggest and we will all care for each other!

I'm in my 50s and I think about this. I really don't want to be a burden on my children. DH and I have had discussions about whether we want to move, or whether to put money into preparing for old age where we are. We haven't come up with any answers yet. This thread has been useful though.
What we (mostly I) have been doing is a lot of decluttering since the children have left home . I often wish we'd live more minimally when they were little - life would have been so much easier!)
So we are really enjoying living in our newly minimalist space for now, and whatever we do, it'll be easier to move/remodel/whatever we decide to do.

@PermanentTemporary, dh and I have much the same in an add-on to our Health and Welfare Powers of Attorney. In such circs, no life saving or life prolonging treatment, palliative care only, please.

Sell up, move into something much much smaller and use the freed up money to top up my pension.

I struggle to maintain our house as it is, i can't imagine trying to do it in 50 years.

I put this on the wrong thread earlier but where are all these small places to downsize to?

I'm a proper grown up who's spent a lifetime progressing to a nice home. I'd like somewhere smaller, but I still want rooms with decent proportions in a nice area and detached. I'm not moving back to a terraced starter home. The few small cottages and bungalows around aren't less maintenance than my large modern house and they aren't cheaper either.

Every small place in a nice area is replaced by a big house as soon as it becomes vacant.

My mum and dad moved in with us at the start of last year as mum was losing mobility and needed help - we have an joined cottage so they have their own space but we're nearby. It's fine at the moment - dad does mum's personal care and DH and I do normal household jobs (cooking cleaning etc) but for them as well.

However, this house needs a lot of maintenance - it's lovely but something always needs doing - this year we're sorting our the garden so mum can get outside. It's listed and the works involved to make it wheelchair friendly are really hard so it will probably keep them going for a few more years then they'll have to look at sheltered living of some sort.

When we retire (20 years time) we're going to look for a 3 bed house as close as possible to the city centre but there are lots of areas with close green space that are fairly quiet while being central. We'll then make it as age proof as possible!

I think your perspective changes.my father used to say he was going to downsize but then decided he didn’t want to. He liked the house and could afford it. But it needs so many repairs that he’s just neglecting now. He doesnt see it and thinks it’s fine. And now he’s getting less mobile I can see him becoming one of those people mentioned upthread who only use one room eventually . I don’t know what we could do now though. He’s mid 70’s and I think he’d already struggle to cope with moving. He should have done it 5 years ago.

@Chicchicchicchiclana

That's fine bobbie. But what if your adult dc have to facilitate you carrying on in that house? Not just financially but in other ways?

I'd think about the way my mum housed me and provided all I needed until I moved out. It's swings and roundabouts op. You have a horrendous attitude to your mother, jesus christ.

KarmaNoMore and others who are saying they plan to sell up and downsize when older to gift the proceeds of their current house to the children ... would the money not be hugely taxed though? I thought you could only gift about £3k a year

My parents downsized when my dad became ill. He had an always fatal, progressive, neurological condiditon. Similar to motor neurone. They were told it hold lead to total loss of mobility, continence, vision etc. They still chose to move in to a smaller house with stairs and no down stairs bathroom! My mother said they never believed it would get that bad for them. Even though no one has ever had a different outcome from this disease! Dad’s last years were far more difficult and uncomfortable than they needed to be. Mum had a much harder job being his Carer In That house. People don’t like to face the reality of their own old age/ mortality.

menomary I assume you're thinking of inheritance tax. The rules are that you can only give £3k per year in the seven years before your death before it becomes liable for inheritance tax. As long as you live for another seven years or more after the gift it's fine. Obviously you could die younger than expected and be caught out by this, but usually if you do the gifting when you are in 50s or 60s and in good health, it should be fine.

www.gov.uk/inheritance-tax/gifts

I'm already looking for a bungalow and I'm only 55.

Had I not moved so much when younger and sold my favourite house I think I would have wanted to be there forever. But two house moves later and I'm not attached to anything now. I do want my own place again though, something small and easy to maintain. I've told DS my last move is into a retirement village.

My DGM stayed in her house and it was an ongoing job. It always made me feel sad how empty it was.

My knees and hips hurt know in my 50s and both parents have had knee replacements. We've got 10 years max before I'll insist we move to a flat or bungalow.

We live in a large house with huge garden. We plan to move at 70 or before to a bungalow and distribute some money to the family.

I'm 60, and think about this frequently. I love my house and have spent quite a lot on making it right for me. Its not enormous and is well positioned so I can walk to shops etc (and I love the town I live in). But it has no downstairs loo and no space to put one. House prices have also risen drastically here, so even if a more suitable house came up for sale I'd be unlikely to afford it. As a result, I can see myself staying here until I'm frail enough to need sheltered housing or similar - I just hope (as a single person, with no kids) that I still have enough marbles by then to realise this!

I was aghast when my DPs sold their house and moved into a sheltered flat when they were 66 and 68 respectively. It seemed far to soon for me and my DM was there for thirty years in the end. However, in retrospect, I am grateful that I never had to worry that they were lonely or at risk, which is priceless.

After DFIL died, DMIL stayed in the family home, long after she had ceased to understand that it needed to be maintained, which caused all sorts of problems, including her near death from CO poisoning, that could have been avoided by a move to a ground floor flat round the corner.

I'm now watching a friend in her early 70s, who is refusing to move despite being unable to manage the stairs or the garden. She is housebound and has been sleeping on the sofa for the better part of a year, but is absolutely refusing to do anything which might make her situation better.

I'm five minutes walk from shops, pub, Doctor, library, church and will either move my bed downstairs when/if the time comes, or move to a ground floor maisonette in the same street so I don't los my social network.