Page 7 | The OW is miserable with him

RickiTarr · 28/05/2021 20:51

Couldn't have put it better myself. Women are socialised into being "nice" at all times. Even nice to an OW?

Nah.

The problem is that we are socialised to idolise the man, blame the woman, and half the time play “pick me”. Which suits cheating, abusive men very well indeed.

HTH1 · 28/05/2021 20:52

@BMW6

Bwahhahahahaha

Love it when Karma bites!

Seconded 😂😉😂

Original poster

BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 20:53

@NewLifeInTheSouth

OW hasn't clicked that her new hobby friend is a long standing friend of mine. OW has been confiding in friend - her partner / my ex cheats. He also compares her unfavourably to me all the time. Her appearance, career, cooking (and I'm a shit cook), everything. He also tells her that he could get back with me if he wanted to

Your friend knows the OW well enough to hear to this amount of intimate detail about their relationship and yet your friend still hasn't been straight with her about being good friends with you?

This is going to go very, very wrong for your friend. At some point she's going to have to dig herself out of this hole and she won't come out of it looking well.

They are in the same women's hiking group. The OW goes along and moans about her relationship.

My friend does not consider herself to be the OW's friend. She has turned down her invitations to meet outside the group. All she does is goes for group hikes that the OW goes along to too. It would be more odd if my friend tried to exclude her from the group.

OP posts:

MidlifeCalm · 28/05/2021 20:53

I imagine the OPs friend doesn’t want to out herself as such as the OW might turn nasty (OW generally are) if she realises who she is so is keeping schtum and having to listen to her shit. She seems to be telling everyone about all her troubles. It’s not the OP’s friend is trying to get information out of her.

OP’s friend has no loyalty to the OW and if I was her, I’d hate her on sight knowing what she’d done and would have told everyone at the group and told her what I think of her, so just listening to her if and giving the OP a laugh at her expense is pretty tame I think.

I’d love to see the look on OW face when she does find out she’s been giving her sob story to the woman she helped fuck over’s best friend.

How on earth do posters know this woman is being abused and isolated ? She’s obviously free to go hiking and IME people who are being abused don’t tend to broadcast it.

Bluntness Wow you are absolutely horrible!

RickiTarr · 28/05/2021 20:54

OK so because that's your experience that's what must happen in every situation?

No, I’m saying other scenarios are possible. Not all OWs are calculating jezebels. Some are daffy and gullible.

I fell quite clear eyed in this one because I’ve never been cheated on (AFAIK) and neither has anyone I’m close to. So I just observe other people’s situations.

lceniWarrior · 28/05/2021 20:55

I guess I'm looking at it from a different angle. The OP doesn't have to be nice or kind about the OW, of course.

But I see an arsehole man who clearly treated the OP terribly. The described behaviour towards the OW sounds like emotional abuse, belittling and undermining her (did he do this to you OP?). What's for the next OW? Will he step it up a notch further? What behaviour does it need to be before it stops being something they deserved?

Original poster

BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 20:56

@lceniWarrior

I guess I'm looking at it from a different angle. The OP doesn't have to be nice or kind about the OW, of course.

But I see an arsehole man who clearly treated the OP terribly. The described behaviour towards the OW sounds like emotional abuse, belittling and undermining her (did he do this to you OP?). What's for the next OW? Will he step it up a notch further? What behaviour does it need to be before it stops being something they deserved?

I don't care about the next OW. She won't have done anything to me.

OP posts:

Dentistlakes · 28/05/2021 20:57

Assuming the OW knew he was still in a relationship with someone, I would say she is getting what she deserves OP. I don’t think it’s wrong to take some satisfaction from that given what you went through.

RickiTarr · 28/05/2021 20:57

They are in the same women's hiking group. The OW goes along and moans about her relationship.

My friend does not consider herself to be the OW's friend. She has turned down her invitations to meet outside the group. All she does is goes for group hikes that the OW goes along to too. It would be more odd if my friend tried to exclude her from the group.

You are contradict yourself now. You originally said;

OW has been confiding in friend - her partner / my ex cheats. He also compares her unfavourably to me all the time. Her appearance, career, cooking (and I'm a shit cook), everything. He also tells her that he could get back with me if he wanted to

So that’s “confiding in” your friend, and disclosing mental abuse.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 28/05/2021 20:58

What action have I taken against my ex and the OW?
Your friend is blatantly abusing this woman’s trust and you’re revelling in it. I get she ruined your life, but your anger is clearly all towards her and not your husband who ultimately was the one who made vows to you. She might not have had morals to sleep with a married man but you’ve and your shitty friend are hardly a bastion of morality.

Why should friend or the OP have any loyalty or sympathy for this woman?
No one is saying have loyalty or sympathy. But OP can hardly preach about morality, doing the right thing and trust while her snake of a mate is deliberately lying to this woman to get gossip and feed it back. It’s hypocritical and shit will hit the fan when it comes to light.

SaturdayRocks · 28/05/2021 20:59

There really are some tedious (and deeply childish) people on this thread.

OP - it’s great that you’ve moved on and met someone much better suited to you. Also great that you have an old friend in your life who’s loyalty is to you.

Sometimes things happen in life which are ostensibly awful, but are actually a way of breaking a circuit, and opening the way for better times ahead.

Onwards and upwards for you and your DP.

donquixotedelamancha · 28/05/2021 21:00

To be clear, he still chose her over you.

Well somebody has shagged the odd husband in their time.

inmyslippers · 28/05/2021 21:01

To be clear, he still chose her over you.

^^ luckily for op she "lost" him

Original poster

BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 21:03

@RickiTarr

They are in the same women's hiking group. The OW goes along and moans about her relationship.

My friend does not consider herself to be the OW's friend. She has turned down her invitations to meet outside the group. All she does is goes for group hikes that the OW goes along to too. It would be more odd if my friend tried to exclude her from the group.

You are contradict yourself now. You originally said;

OW has been confiding in friend - her partner / my ex cheats. He also compares her unfavourably to me all the time. Her appearance, career, cooking (and I'm a shit cook), everything. He also tells her that he could get back with me if he wanted to

So that’s “confiding in” your friend, and disclosing mental abuse.

Ok, so maybe the word confiding, in my OP, was the wrong word. The OW talks about her relationship issues with several people in the group.

I think I get it to a certain extent, the group may well be an outlet for her. Time away from him. I know him (or knew him) and a few hours away from him would probably be a respite. She's been with him for twice as long as I was, so god knows how many times he's cheated.

OP posts:

Sakura7 · 28/05/2021 21:07

Oh give over RickiTarr

Why should any woman have kind, thoughtful feelings towards someone who turned her life upside down and caused enormous heartache.

OP is having a totally normal human reaction, and trying to make her feel bad for that is a bit much. The OW wasn't some innocent little flower, she knew what she was doing.

rwalker · 28/05/2021 21:08

Wow the OP was fucked over by this pair she's have a quite private gloat .
It really is as simple as that nothing going to happen no big vengeance just a touch of karma don't understand why some people are getting so excited

Crack on enjoy your gloating.

Summerfun54321 · 28/05/2021 21:08

Love a bit of good old fashioned gossip and karma 😄.

Original poster

BadgerHair · 28/05/2021 21:08

@SmallPrawnEnergy

What action have I taken against my ex and the OW? Your friend is blatantly abusing this woman’s trust and you’re revelling in it. I get she ruined your life, but your anger is clearly all towards her and not your husband who ultimately was the one who made vows to you. She might not have had morals to sleep with a married man but you’ve and your shitty friend are hardly a bastion of morality.

Why should friend or the OP have any loyalty or sympathy for this woman?
No one is saying have loyalty or sympathy. But OP can hardly preach about morality, doing the right thing and trust while her snake of a mate is deliberately lying to this woman to get gossip and feed it back. It’s hypocritical and shit will hit the fan when it comes to light.

They didn't ruin my life, they created short term turmoil. No husbands or vows involved either. All this is clear in my posts.

What shit is going to hit the fan? The OW doesn't know that this is being fed back to me and she never will. She may find out that one of the women in the hiking group is a friend of mine but what's she going to do?

OP posts:

DuckonaBike · 28/05/2021 21:09

You have done nothing wrong OP and your feelings are natural. I really don’t know why you are being blamed.

I’m glad to hear you’ve moved on and found happiness with someone else.

GlitterBombing · 28/05/2021 21:10

@donquixotedelamancha

To be clear, he still chose her over you.

Well somebody has shagged the odd husband in their time.

🤣🤣🤣

TatianaBis · 28/05/2021 21:11

Nowt wrong with a bit of schadenfreude.

Ginger1982 · 28/05/2021 21:12

@Bluntness100

No vengeance here. Just a bit of a gloat that someone who helped turn my life upside down is unhappy.

Yeah that’s not nice. And says something about you that’s unpleasant.

To be clear, he still chose her over you.

You been an OW then?

RickiTarr · 28/05/2021 21:14

@Sakura7

Oh give over RickiTarr

Why should any woman have kind, thoughtful feelings towards someone who turned her life upside down and caused enormous heartache.

OP is having a totally normal human reaction, and trying to make her feel bad for that is a bit much. The OW wasn't some innocent little flower, she knew what she was doing.

Like I said, it’s natural to be fleetingly glad that they’re not living out a fairytale.

The woman is confiding about an abusive relationship, though, to someone who isn’t revealing her connection but instead is pedalling the details to OP for gloating purposes.

Gloating about abuse is a bit beyond a quick natural reaction.

Theunamedcat · 28/05/2021 21:15

My ex cheated on me with a very rich young lady dumped me in debt and fucked off into the sunset with her he has been married and divorced several times since then I often think just how fucking bad my life would have been had I actually married him am I a bad person? Not really is he an immature cunt? Last time I looked yes

Kissthepastrychef · 28/05/2021 21:16

PP never said your friend should leave the group, she shouldn't be passing on personal details of this woman's life.
The woman is doing it herself by broadcasting it to all and sundry regardless of how well she knows them

The OW is miserable with him

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