I knew my relationship was over when.........

[Itwasoverwhen]

We went camping, there was a huge storm, he packed up his car and left me with 3 children, a huge tent to take down and everything still to pack in the lashing rain and wind because 'his stuff was packed'. I was still there an hour later and a man from a neighbouring tent couldn't even believe he had gone and just left me to struggle on my own.

Your turn...

Too many as well, here is a few
1.When I was having a miscarriage in work, he didn't leave his work to bring me to the hospital, I had to get a taxi myself to hospital

1. Nearly 8 years ago ,when I went back to work 6 months pregnant on our 3rd child and I came home exhausted and not feeling well on the last month of pregnancy he said sarcastically, "I know you are pregnant, but you are not able for anything". Next ante natal appointment, baby stopped growing and I had to have to be induced early.
2. When he called me a bitch first time.
3. When he shouted at my elderly mother in her nursing home. Told me I'm not allowed to bring the kids to see her anymore.
4. Recently, when he got a loan to help his sister buy a house.
5. Finally, after years of emotional abuse and because I don't want sex anymore, I can't do it emotionally. He said I'm using sex as a weapon and he wants to separate. I agreed with I want to separate too.

I didn't want to be the one from the kids point of view to be the one to break up the family, trying to stay for their sake. Finally, we both acknowledge to separate and this is where we are at now and I have to separate from him for my sake

After many years of plodding on in a bad marriage, I came home after work to find him still unwashed, not dressed, sitting on the loo with his laptop after a day off - hadn’t even bothered to make himself anything to eat or drink since I’d make him a coffee first thing & asked me if I was making a cup of tea and what was for dinner...

I suddenly saw how retirement with him was going to be & within weeks I’d left.

When I was was sat in the corner of the kitchen eating my food with the dog while the rest of the family were sat at the dining room table.
I still don't have what it takes to actually leave.

When he told me my top made me look 'butch'.

I was a size 8. He was a lard arse.

Don't take your weight issues out on me sunshine. Off you pop and deal with it in your own time.

I left a dictaphone hidden and heard how he spoke to our infant daughter when I wasn’t around.

Or when he spent £90 on a bouquet of flowers for Easter for his mum...but felt that that spending £5 on sensitive factor 50 sun cream for a baby was unnecessary

Or when he tried to ration our WASHABLE baby cloths/wipes to using only 4 a day....because it’s better for the environment.

Or...when he got a bit of baby poop on him and cried for 2 hours about how awful she was to do that. She was 11 months.

The list is endless.....

Ex didn’t like me cooking onions, having radio on in the kitchen, baby crying, my taking extended mat leave, my cooking... and also refused to help with redecorating house ... left it to me while he spent the weekend reading the papers in the garden....
Was with him for almost 20 years!!! 😳🙈

I experienced the 2nd one 😫
So sorry everyone has gone through the experiences posted here x

When he tried to strangle me, threw my 1 year old at me, literally as I stood at the top of the stairs then smacked my across the face, sending my head into my one year olds. I left as soon as he went to work and didn't look back!
17 years later, he's still a miserable violent twit and me and DC are happy as larry :)

When after 6 years of being constantly rebuffed when I wanted intimacy, whether sex, holding hands or cuddling, and offering a blow job and he said no thanks, that was the last straw. He was so critical, I looked at him wrong, I interrupted him all the time, when we argued, my tone was aggressive, I wasn’t allowed to look at him as this was aggressive but also wasn’t allowed to look away, I didn’t tidy up enough (him completely disregarding the fact that I worked full time, with regular weekly travel to london in a very demanding job - much harder and more demanding than his), plus was expected to keep the home nice and tidy for our two children, but no, I wouldn’t get sex or anything even remotely loving unless he was in the mood, which was about 2-4 times a year if I was lucky. I’m attractive, intelligent and in my early 40s and thought stuff this. Joined a dating app and met a couple of men in London and then was lucky enough to find the love of my life, he is AMAZING. Never looked back!

When I could tell he was lying and he finally admitted the reason I’d been left waiting to have a drink with him for hours was because was he was actually out for a birthday dinner with a colleague who was inlove with him, but nothing was going on (not at ‘work drinks’ as he told me). He then tried to make me feel like I was unreasonable for being upset and told me I didn’t need to be jealous 😂 . I wasn’t even angry about the colleague (although wft - I didn’t even bother asking) but I really hated being lied to and gas lighted. Strange man.

My ex husband told me, and I quote, my wife went into hospital and you came out with that (our son) and I don't want that (he was planned). Apparently he didn't like sharing me or his money (it is the womans job to buy baby things.

Recent long term relationship I knew was over, when I got a plain card for valentines, he said he didn't think we were bothering to celebrate our relationship (when I handed him my card) he then disappeared to the shop and came home with flowers only he didn't get them to me, I found them on the table, oh and despite constantly telling me how he and his ex wife didn't have sex for 2 years (her fault apparently) he proceeded to stop having sex with me and seemed to enjoy telling me he'd had a wank over porn just before I got home from work so wasn't up for it with me. Best thing I done was to walk away from that relationship

A few days after my mother died he went back home to sort a few things out and didn’t come back. I texted him that evening, no reply. I tried to ring him and got voicemail. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t get back to me when he knew I was grieving. I decided to drive over (he lived 20 miles away) and he let me in, I was distraught and asking him why the hell he was ignoring me. Then I see the woman, sitting on the sofa with her feet up. He’s just looking at me pathetically because he knows we don’t know about each other and he wants the floor to swallow him. I have never experienced such a moment of clarity. The funny thing was I felt good driving home. Emancipated. I realised that I hadn’t been happy in the relationship. So he did me a favour really!

@Elfblossom you are right the realisation a long-standing friendship can be toxic is as shocking.

It should have been the day he threw the plate of spaghetti at my head
Or the day he smashed my phone
Or the fact he fell asleep on the spare bed in the delivery room while my daughters heart beat kept stopping.
Or the day I got home from hospital with her after a c-section and expected me to clean the house he’d let get in an awful state while I’d been in hospital.
Or the 1st time he hit me
Or when he let the toddler go without a drink all day when I’d been in bed sick with a migraine.

But it took him hitting her in front of my parents in a holiday they’d payed for followed by yet another threatened suicide to make me pay for not sticking up for him before I got strong enough to kick him out.

He sat and watched Eastenders downstairs on Christmas day while I sat in the bath on my own having a miscarriage.

@PuddyMuddles4

So so many things, but the crunch came when my 4-year old DD told her dad to "stop shouting at mommy and being so angry with her all the time". That, coupled with my other DD (4) starting to abuse me also, as that's how she learned from daddy that mommy should be treated.

I did the Freedom Programme and left him.

Hats off to you for mentioning the Freedom Programme.

It might help those who are currently living in abusive circumstances.

Some truly appalling experiences on this thread. My heart goes out to you all.
If you're reading any of these and you're in a similar situation, I hope that you find the courage, money and opportunity to leave.

My own tale is quite mundane - he was tight-fisted to an embarrassing degree, cold & emotionally unavailable, and had a two year affair with a neighbour who I thought was my friend - I was the last to know in our street (although I had my suspicions) So that was nice.

Single, 30, rented flat. Threw caution to the wind & went for a drink with the IT 'lad' (23 years old). 24 years later, 20 of them married, and two fantastic sons later, it was the best decision of my life.

I hope everyone on here gets their 'happy ever after' xxx

He asked me to lie to the police so his story would stand up.

Lowasitgets this makes me so sad, please have the courage to leave, you are worth so much more and deserve to be treated better. Life is too short to be like that. I know it's easier said than done but I was once told, if a friend told you your story as if it were them, what would you say ?

When he had hurt the children so many times ss were involved and then I found a dating app on his phone that he left open on the side and that explained him going out all the time all of a sudden! Also he would with hold money from me and kids but yet spend on himself, while everything I Earn went on the bills!!!

Best thing I ever did, despite ending up homeless for 8 weeks with 3 kids and the fact that he is now 18 month later dragging us through the courts!!! But am so glad I did it me and kids 100% happier xx

well done simiisme

@Faeryfly

It should have been the day he threw the plate of spaghetti at my head Or the day he smashed my phone Or the fact he fell asleep on the spare bed in the delivery room while my daughters heart beat kept stopping. Or the day I got home from hospital with her after a c-section and expected me to clean the house he’d let get in an awful state while I’d been in hospital. Or the 1st time he hit me Or when he let the toddler go without a drink all day when I’d been in bed sick with a migraine.

But it took him hitting her in front of my parents in a holiday they’d payed for followed by yet another threatened suicide to make me pay for not sticking up for him before I got strong enough to kick him out.

This resonates so much.

When he was jealous if our first born and never lifted a finger to help and told our month old son that he now gets all of daddy's treats! I'm ashamed to say I hung in for another 4 years his 17 year old daughter turning up out of the blue and stealing from us was the last straw, they were both asked to leave 😢

Lowasitgets
You can do it, I struggled and spent a lot of time deliberating over it but is the best thing I ever did. Call Leeway or women’s aid they are great abs will give you the help and support you need to get out.
Also if your worried about the dog, dogs trust freedom project will foster them until you can have them back! Xx
You got this, I and a hundred other people have been there. It’s hard but you can do it 🥰

When I found that my husband had been shagging his ex wife all time we had been together 9 years.We were best friend with her and her partner I organised her 50th birthday party, we went out as foursome every weekend this particular night we'd gone back to theirs I was in the kitchen and her partner came on to me I laughed off his advances and he said to me what do you think they're doing in there, I opened the door and found her giving him a bj on the sofa. I just picked up my bag and walked home. I left him