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Original poster

DH taken to hospital by ambulance at 11am. How long before I hear anything?

165 replies

NewMatress · 21/05/2021 14:06

Will I hear anything?

I'm sick of the Covid rules now . He was in hospital for 2 months without a single visitor, had to receive the news that his cancer was terminal and there won't be any more treatment, in hospital, on his own, by telephone because the consultant was shielding.

He's seriously ill, we know there's little to be done for him, but the hospice won't increase his pain relief without having him medically assessed because he has new chest pain. I do understand the reasons but...

I wasn't allowed to go with him today and had to see him go, screaming in pain from being moved and begging me not to send him, he's already spent too many of his last weeks in hospital without his family. Although terminal, still no visits until the last days. I understand why he didn't want to go, I couldn't get the pain relief he needs without having him assessed though.

He's not answering his phone, I don't know if he's well enough to contact me and I haven't heard anything.

How long do I wait before calling the hospital?

OP posts:

Original poster

NewMatress · 21/05/2021 18:03

No, I tried. I've also spoken to the hospice during the afternoon to try and get them to help, as it was the who insisted he went. They were very defensive about how "chest pains can be carastophic". TBF the paramedics thought the hospice had made the right call once they did their assessment.

OP posts:

bubblebath62636 · 21/05/2021 18:03

Glad he's ok for now op. Make sure you look after yourself, have a nice cuppa and try to relax (easier said than done).

caringcarer · 21/05/2021 18:11

Have you tried ringing his GP? Could they up his pain medication so he can come home? Sorry you are having to go through this hell.

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iklboo · 21/05/2021 18:15

This is what I think...Go to to the place, husband is at, and demand and shout for what op wants for her husband. Sometimes this is the only way anything gets done.

It's never the only way to get things done.

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/05/2021 18:18

Christ, this took a turn. Hope you're ok, op.

Jess202 · 21/05/2021 18:20

What an unthinkable situation - I really hope you are ok OP and I am glad you got to speak to your DH.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/05/2021 18:31

What an awful situation to be in. I hope you can get some rest tonight. I hope DH gets some rest tonight and pain relief. Then I hope you can get some answers tomorrow and a palliative plan in place for him with the hospice.

My heart goes out to you.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 21/05/2021 18:31

Sending all the best of thoughts to you and your DH, OP. What an utterly heartbreaking situation , all in all. The waiting with a terminal diagnosis is torture enough, and never knowing when/how/what will happen next. This is next level. I'm so sorry.

Glad you got to hear from him, and that he has pain relief. That will give you some comfort, and hopefully you can get some rest.

Sending hugs and prayers for you all (if you don't mind), and

thisisfineihavewine · 21/05/2021 18:42

Sending lots of love OP, I'm in a similar situation with my DF, it's heartbreaking . I hope you get to visit him tomorrow

HTH1 · 21/05/2021 19:09

Also sending you lots of love, so sorry OP

YouokHun · 21/05/2021 19:12

@Memoriesbringbackyou

I think there are cross wires here. My post was not ever intended to be cruel. I was not implying that the op was not a good enough wife fgs! I was saying if this were me.... however I did not mean it to be that the op was not doing enough. This is what I think...Go to to the place, husband is at, and demand and shout for what op wants for her husband. Sometimes this is the only way anything gets done. Sod Covid. If people wear a mask and all the rest, chances are everything will be ok.

It won’t get anything done. All it will do is create even more stress and removal from the hospital. When you’re actually in that situation you’ve got to manage hour by hour and having the fight to start screeching at the very people who are helping your loved one, well, just isn’t in you. Negotiating the palliative care system, trying to find out what the hospital is saying to the hospice, trying to organise car packages, pain management, trying to understand what’s happening medically, trying to keep the show on the road at home, it takes it out of you. And others are suffering the same situation all around you, you see that too and you know instinctively that you can’t have things your own way at the expense of other patients who also can’t have visitors. It’s massively unfair but doorstepping the staff and flinging your weight around does nothing. I don’t think you can have any idea what it’s been like to be gravely ill at the moment @Memoriesbringbackyou, saying “sod Covid” and doing what you like is just so far off the reality.

mumofthemonsters808 · 21/05/2021 19:12

Horrendous ordeal for everyone, thinking of you and your family.

frumpety · 21/05/2021 19:23

I guess the Hospice wanted the hospital to check him over incase there were any reversible treatable conditions, which is understandable.

Glad you have managed to speak to him and he sounds a bit better. Hope you get to speak to a Doctor soon.

Soontobe60 · 21/05/2021 19:42

@NewMatress

What I took from that post *@Soontobe60* was that if only I was a bit better wife and tried a bit harder I'd be with him. Thoroughly unhelpful and quite cruel, either way.

Absolutely not the point I was making. If I were in your shoes I’d probably feel the same way. The post wasn’t to you or about you. It was to the person who suggests we should screw the hospital rules and shout the place down. I apologise if I didn’t make that clear. I’m sure you’re doing absolutely all that you can.

Firsttimecatlady · 21/05/2021 19:57

@Memoriesbringbackyou

I’m sorry Memories- but you don’t understand the realities of the situation in hospitals right now. You can bellow from the car park all day long. You can stand in protest in the doorway naked with a cat on your head. THEY WILL NOT ALLOW YOU IN. And the distress you’d cause to your loved one and other patients is huge. I’ve been in this situation. If you think that you could do what millions of us haven’t been able to over the last 15 months, you are mistaken.

IHateCoronavirus · 21/05/2021 19:57

Sending you and your family all my best wishes op glad he sounds happier, fingers crossed he’ll be home soon.

CharlotteRose90 · 21/05/2021 19:59

Oh gosh I hope you’re all ok. I was In hospital last week for 6 days and each day my ward permitted one person for an hour visit . I’m so sorry the hospital is treating you like this. Mine was for a bowel ulcer and I still got visitiors. We got checked every 2 days for a test and visitors were asked to wear masks for the whole duration which my mum did. Your treatment is damn right shocking and not on.

Firsttimecatlady · 21/05/2021 20:01

Youokhun- absolutely perfectly put, so so accurate. It’s a tremendously complex and agonising situation to encounter. Thank you for putting it into words far better than I could.

Cakeofdoom · 21/05/2021 20:02

It seems to be different rules for different hospitals... a friend had a severe illness over the past year which involved brain surgery and a long recovery in hospital - her DH was able to visit every day for hours as he was considered to be part of her therapy.

I am so sorry you are not able to be with your husband when he needs you, I don't know when this inhumanity will end but it must, soon.

Original poster

NewMatress · 21/05/2021 20:06

Sooo. He's now on the ward. They called to say they couldn't get hold of one of the drugs he's on, could I take them and drop them with security at the door.

Security rang the ward and couldn't get through. He told me to take them up to the ward. I got to the ward door and despite being seen, was ignored, so I walked through the ward to the nurses station and was still ignored until I explained why I was there. Nurse took the pills and asked if I wanted to see him

OP posts:

Nohomemadecandles · 21/05/2021 20:12

Oh wow. You're in! That's good. Xx

Laiste · 21/05/2021 20:13

Ah were you allowed to stay awhile with him OP? It's funny how things work out isn't it.

[flower][flower]

Hope he's back home with you soon :)

Laiste · 21/05/2021 20:14

flower-z

Rainallnight · 21/05/2021 20:18

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP. I’m all for the Covid rules, but I do think this is very very brutal. My mum died in a hospice in the early stages of the first lockdown and spent all her last conscious days alone. It was absolutely horrible. I really feel for you.

Frazzle76 · 21/05/2021 20:58

Hopefully you're still there. Glad you've got in.
Sending love and hugs and strength when you have none through a great big silvery line from mumsnet to you.
Xxx

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