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Original poster

DH taken to hospital by ambulance at 11am. How long before I hear anything?

165 replies

NewMatress · 21/05/2021 14:06

Will I hear anything?

I'm sick of the Covid rules now . He was in hospital for 2 months without a single visitor, had to receive the news that his cancer was terminal and there won't be any more treatment, in hospital, on his own, by telephone because the consultant was shielding.

He's seriously ill, we know there's little to be done for him, but the hospice won't increase his pain relief without having him medically assessed because he has new chest pain. I do understand the reasons but...

I wasn't allowed to go with him today and had to see him go, screaming in pain from being moved and begging me not to send him, he's already spent too many of his last weeks in hospital without his family. Although terminal, still no visits until the last days. I understand why he didn't want to go, I couldn't get the pain relief he needs without having him assessed though.

He's not answering his phone, I don't know if he's well enough to contact me and I haven't heard anything.

How long do I wait before calling the hospital?

OP posts:
MariposaLilly · 21/05/2021 16:20

If anyone is interested, here's a link to the latest CoVid policies, including visitors, at a typical American hospital.

coronavirus.providence.org/blog/uf/609273384

Latelatelate · 21/05/2021 16:27

This is horrendous. So sorry OP.

Memoriesbringbackyou · 21/05/2021 16:37

Firstly, I am so sorry for you and your husband. I know that I would be at that hospital with my DH in this situation, Covid or not. Go, explain how you feel, and be with him. Your husbands life tragically is drawing to a close. He needs to be pain free. Screw what rules are in place. Shout the hospital down until he gets what he needs. Thinking of you.

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Maggiesfarm · 21/05/2021 16:45

NewMatress, I really hope you have him back home with you, soon.
Flowers

Pivotthesofa · 21/05/2021 16:50

This makes me so so angry on your behalf OP. This isn’t right.

No one should have to deal with this kind of thing alone. It’s disgraceful actually

RubyViolet · 21/05/2021 16:52

I am so sorry . My husband was taken in for a week and l had to go through security and stand at the ward door. I was passing bags of clean clothes , treats, newspapers and waving at him as he stood on the ward corridor.
So glad he’s home now, it is so difficult. Covid has made a bad situation even worse.
Hope you can get to see him soon.

SunshineCake · 21/05/2021 16:54

This is so cruel. The NHS has been amazing in lots of ways this past year or so but also woefully unjustifiably inadequate in our experience with our daughter.

I really hope you get to see him soon @NewMatress.

Thewiseoneincognito · 21/05/2021 16:56

So sorry OP. What you’re going through is horrific enough without visitation restrictions, I’ve been through similar with my DM a few years ago. Cancer is just evil without the very system supposed to be helping actually being an obstacle.

Funnyface1 · 21/05/2021 16:56

What a nightmare. I'm sending you every bit of strength and good luck op, I really am.

AGirlCalledJohnny · 21/05/2021 16:58

This absolute bullshit, I’m so sorry NewMatress. My only advice is to be the squeaky wheel and keep pushing to get on the ward and advocating for him to go home. Collar everyone you can.

It seems incredibly cruel to have transferred him in immense pain when he’s already terminal, and then on his own. When you feel the time is right, I’d absolutely be expecting a full review with the hospice team and whoever their regulatory body is.

I’m so sorry. All the unmumsnetty handholds pet Flowers

Soontobe60 · 21/05/2021 16:58

@Memoriesbringbackyou

Firstly, I am so sorry for you and your husband. I know that I would be at that hospital with my DH in this situation, Covid or not. Go, explain how you feel, and be with him. Your husbands life tragically is drawing to a close. He needs to be pain free. Screw what rules are in place. Shout the hospital down until he gets what he needs. Thinking of you.
The only problem with this is when someone is admitted to A+E, no one knows if they are Covid free or not. So in your effort to force your way into the department you could be bringing Covid into an area that’s full of sick people. Whilst your main concern is, naturally, your sick husband, the staff are responsible for the protection of every patient in the department. How would you feel, say, if your elderly mother had to go in due to a fall, and contracted Covid from a patient’s visitor then died?
Original poster
NewMatress · 21/05/2021 17:01

What I took from that post @Soontobe60 was that if only I was a bit better wife and tried a bit harder I'd be with him. Thoroughly unhelpful and quite cruel,
either way.

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 21/05/2021 17:03

Jesus Christ @Soontobe60 flip the tables and have a filament of compassion and / or empathy. The rest of the world is still revolving apart from ducking COVID.

idontlikealdi · 21/05/2021 17:04

Fucking for fucks sake. I have no issue with swearing my phone clearly does.

autumnboys · 21/05/2021 17:08

I’m so sorry, what an awful situation. I hope you hear soon.

Latelatelate · 21/05/2021 17:09

So in your effort to force your way into the department you could be bringing Covid into an area that’s full of sick people. Whilst your main concern is, naturally, your sick husband, the staff are responsible for the protection of every patient in the department. How would you feel, say, if your elderly mother had to go in due to a fall, and contracted Covid from a patient’s visitor then died?

Did you really have to type that?
What is wrong with you?
Not the time to lecture the OP.

FFS

FontyMcFontface · 21/05/2021 17:10

This is really awful. My dad died during lockdown in hospital. One relative was allowed 15 mins with him at the very end but by the time they let dm in he had lost consciousness. Dsis and I didn’t get to see him. He had been in hospital several weeks.

It was impossible to get through on the phone so in the last few days once he lost the ability to communicate we had no information.

It was fairly awful.

So sorry you are in this position op. If it wasn’t for the fact that it would have upset dm I would have made a fuss. I regret not doing in some ways.

saraclara · 21/05/2021 17:11

@idontlikealdi

Jesus Christ *@Soontobe60* flip the tables and have a filament of compassion and / or empathy. The rest of the world is still revolving apart from ducking COVID.
soontobe60 is responding to the quote from Memoriesbringbacktoo, which is the truly heartless and tactless post.
GirlCrush · 21/05/2021 17:13

can't see what @Soontobe60 said thats so wrong there...

hope you hear soon OP!

nevertrustaherdofcows · 21/05/2021 17:14

Agree, saraclara

SunshineCake · 21/05/2021 17:16

@Memoriesbringbackyou

Firstly, I am so sorry for you and your husband. I know that I would be at that hospital with my DH in this situation, Covid or not. Go, explain how you feel, and be with him. Your husbands life tragically is drawing to a close. He needs to be pain free. Screw what rules are in place. Shout the hospital down until he gets what he needs. Thinking of you.
I think this is the cruel post. Not @Soontobe60
FontyMcFontface · 21/05/2021 17:16

What I took from that post @Soontobe60* was that if only I was a bit better wife and tried a bit harder I'd be with him. Thoroughly unhelpful and quite cruel,
either way.*

OP, nobody knows what they would do in your position. It’s hideous, you don’t want to get in the way of the staff doing their work and feel it won’t help dh if you’re pushy and annoy them plus being aggressive isn’t going t get them to let you in, they need permission from the infection control for a visit and can’t authorise it. You’re letting them do their jobs.
Don’t let anyone make you feel worse than you already do, this is about you and dh, nobody else.

It’s awful that you’re in this position Flowers

Original poster
NewMatress · 21/05/2021 17:17

@Latelatelate

So in your effort to force your way into the department you could be bringing Covid into an area that’s full of sick people. Whilst your main concern is, naturally, your sick husband, the staff are responsible for the protection of every patient in the department. How would you feel, say, if your elderly mother had to go in due to a fall, and contracted Covid from a patient’s visitor then died?

Did you really have to type that?
What is wrong with you?
Not the time to lecture the OP.

FFS

She wasn't lecturing me, but the PP who felt I should have pushed harder. That was lecturing me!
OP posts:
Bakedbeanhead · 21/05/2021 17:18

I’m so sorry you are going through this, my sister sadly died of cancer a few years ago. I would have been frantic with worry if I hadn’t of been able to see and be with her. I think these COVID rules are incredibly cruel. Sending you hugs xxx

TheGumption · 21/05/2021 17:20

Yeah I'm sure barging her way into A&E and being removed by security would be absolutely ideal for her terminally unwell husband @Memoriesbringbackyou what fantastic, tactful advice Hmm

OP I really hope you get some news about your husband soon and can be with him ASAP.

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