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Original poster

DH taken to hospital by ambulance at 11am. How long before I hear anything?

165 replies

NewMatress · 21/05/2021 14:06

Will I hear anything?

I'm sick of the Covid rules now . He was in hospital for 2 months without a single visitor, had to receive the news that his cancer was terminal and there won't be any more treatment, in hospital, on his own, by telephone because the consultant was shielding.

He's seriously ill, we know there's little to be done for him, but the hospice won't increase his pain relief without having him medically assessed because he has new chest pain. I do understand the reasons but...

I wasn't allowed to go with him today and had to see him go, screaming in pain from being moved and begging me not to send him, he's already spent too many of his last weeks in hospital without his family. Although terminal, still no visits until the last days. I understand why he didn't want to go, I couldn't get the pain relief he needs without having him assessed though.

He's not answering his phone, I don't know if he's well enough to contact me and I haven't heard anything.

How long do I wait before calling the hospital?

OP posts:
jessycake · 21/05/2021 15:25

I'm so sorry this is truly awful for you x

Tubs11 · 21/05/2021 15:25

So sorry to hear this OP, are you able to get to the hospital? Not sure what your local hospital is like but I have known staff to "turn a blind eye" to visitation rights when someone is terminally ill. Good luck to you xx

Nats1984 · 21/05/2021 15:25

Bless you. How awful for you both. Do you have anyone else who can advocate for him to be rushed through the assessment and sent home? Someone from the hospice ? Macmillan nurse? Hospital staff I find are usually rushed off their feet and do t have time to be compassionate. It’s really not the place for him . If he’s on a palliative care plan I cannot fathom why they wouldn’t just up his (morphine I assume?) . I’m praying for this to be over by teatime and him home and comfortable . Sending you strength at this tough time x

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Ilovecharliecat · 21/05/2021 15:31

My father sadly passed away in hospital a month ago, he was admitted on the Friday and following a scan it was discovered the following Tuesday that he had terminal cancer ( it was such a shock as we were completely unaware of the fact). He was allowed two visitors at his bedside, and visiting was completely open, we could have been at his side 24 hours a day. He sadly passed away on the Sunday morning. The hospital staff were so accommodating i can't give them enough praise.
When my mother had terminal cancer 4 years ago she was allowed to go home. The hospital arranged for a hospital bed o be delivered to her home and she cared for by district nurses and marie curie nurses, again the care she received as outstanding and the care package was all arranged within a couple of days. Can you speak to the hospital for them to arrange something similar? I'm so sorry that you and your DH are this situation

olympicsrock · 21/05/2021 15:33

Call the medical assessment unit - highly likely he will be there

randomkey123 · 21/05/2021 15:34

It can take at least 6 hours to get someone admitted and a Doctor round to see them.

I'd try early evening to be honest.

raspberryjamlove · 21/05/2021 15:36

Sorry you're going through this op, how stressful for you xx

notagainohno · 21/05/2021 15:38

I'm sorry that you are going through this. Hopefully he can be back in the hospice soon.

SirVixofVixHall · 21/05/2021 15:39

What a terrible situation OP, I am so sorry. I hope they can make arrangements for the hospice to deal with his pain and that he is home again soon.

Original poster
NewMatress · 21/05/2021 15:40

I think once he's on a ward I probably will be able to go but, they were admament I couldn't go to A&E, paramedics tried really hard on my behalf.

He so didn't want to be admitted, unless it's to do something that will make a real difference to him, he needs to be at home with proper pain relief.

OP posts:
PerplexedWife · 21/05/2021 15:41

I am thinking of you both and sending you my love and I hope that you can speak to your husband very soon xx

CanIBeACurlyGirl · 21/05/2021 15:41

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Are you in the UK? I'd advise giving pals a call and asking for their help, ask them to tell you the visitors policy, tell them your DH doesn't want admission beyond treatment for any issues with his heart and the medical assessment the hospice staff need to help with pain relief.

It's a horrible system, I really feel for you. You could also contact the hospice and ask their advice.

ivykaty44 · 21/05/2021 15:44

Can you phone and get him to be brought home?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I nursed my family member at home through first lick down with terminal cancer. After the first time going to A&E I never let them go again, it’s so heartbreaking

YouokHun · 21/05/2021 15:44

I feel for you so much @NewMatress. Being gravely ill during Covid makes difficult situations so much harder. We have had the same in my family. My father taken by ambulance in the morning and no word all day. No picking up of the phone when trying to call the switchboard. When my DF was in hospital for his final time no one could visit because despite being in the final stages of Lymphoma he was receiving “active treatment” (a last blood transfusion) and was therefore not visitable as not “end of life”. They said they would call if he died. I know he ended up counselling two other younger men who received the worst news alone with no family able to visit. I understand why the rules have been in place of course but it is utterly inhumane.

The hospice situation is also tricky because they are taken to hospital for any treatment and they then can’t be visited at what is a very distressing time. We struggled with Hospice at Home which was very arm’s length and left us struggling to cope. There was no outpatient hospice visits either so no way to get to know it. It meant my father didn’t want to go into the Hospice as it was an unknown quantity. This had consequences for us carers at the end.

I am very much hoping that these policies banning family from being with very ill loved ones will be lifted soon. I hope he’s discharged soon too NewMatress

Flowers
Nomorepies · 21/05/2021 15:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Hopeisnotastrategy · 21/05/2021 15:49

Hi @NewMatress, I'm so sorry you and your husband are having to go through this. I hope you get an update soon, and that going forward you can both have the most quality time possible together. Sending a gentle hug. x

Ohdeariedear · 21/05/2021 15:55

Hi @NewMatress, I’m sorry you and your DH are going through this.

Do you have a Macmillan nurse or a contact at the hospice you could contact? They might know how to get information or at least some other routes to try.

It’s a cruel enough situation without having to navigate the extra layer of difficulty COVID is presenting. I hope he gets some relief from the pain soon and that you can get to see him. Flowers

CuriousandReady · 21/05/2021 15:56

I hope everything is OK OP x

inmylifeIlovedthemall · 21/05/2021 15:59

Really thinking of you @NewMatress

Just one thought, if your DH is already receiving Hospice support, it might be worth asking for him to be moved to the Hospice Inpatient Unit if the Doctors decide he is not well enough to come home.

I worked in the Hospice movement years ago and there fore had an understanding of the referral process for inpatient care.

I was able to ensure that both my DH and DM were referred there for end of life care at the appropriate time.

I am in no doubt that neither referral would have happened if I hadn’t insisted on asking the hospital Consultant if it was appropriate in their individual circumstances.

Inpatient Hospice Care should ensure that you will be able to spend more time with your DH than if he is in hospital. They should be able to manage pain relief and provide support for all the family.

Obviously most people want to be at home, but if that is not possible, do ask the questions.

Notaroadrunner · 21/05/2021 16:00

My heart goes out to you both. Really hope they get on top of his medication so he can get home asap. Flowers

missingeu · 21/05/2021 16:01

Call the hospital, with a list of questions and ask for the consultant or medical team to talk to you.

Our hospital is allowing visitors (2 per patient) and through a booking system and only 1 hour.

amylou8 · 21/05/2021 16:06

I'm sorry you're both going through this. It's absolutely inhuman not to allow you to be with him. Surely common sense needs to prevail in circumstances like this. I hope you get news soon.

Idontknowanymore05 · 21/05/2021 16:12

Just sending my love to you & your husband. Flowers hope you get to speak/see him very soon.

FurrySlipperBoots · 21/05/2021 16:14

What a fucking hideous situation. No advice but huge hugs OP. (((((Hugs)))))

DentonsFringeArnottsWaistcoat · 21/05/2021 16:20

@NewMatress

I think once he's on a ward I probably will be able to go but, they were admament I couldn't go to A&E, paramedics tried really hard on my behalf.

He so didn't want to be admitted, unless it's to do something that will make a real difference to him, he needs to be at home with proper pain relief.

This is our experience with my DF. He has been taken to A and E from his care home roughly every three months over the last year. Each time we haven’t had any communication from A and E (neither have the CH, even though they tried their best to get some info for us). But each time he has then been admitted to a ward and that was the point at which the nursing team contacted us and gave us the full picture of what was going on. The one exception being the last time, when they actually called my step mum and brother in as they didn’t think he was going to make it, but otherwise there was no visiting/communication in A and E at all. Thankfully he came through and, once on the ward, it became a bit easier to get information. He’s back in again now and again no info on what was happening until he was admitted yesterday. We work on the basis of no news is good news tbh. Sorry you find yourself in this awful position OP Flowers