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Original poster

DH taken to hospital by ambulance at 11am. How long before I hear anything?

165 replies

NewMatress · 21/05/2021 14:06

Will I hear anything?

I'm sick of the Covid rules now . He was in hospital for 2 months without a single visitor, had to receive the news that his cancer was terminal and there won't be any more treatment, in hospital, on his own, by telephone because the consultant was shielding.

He's seriously ill, we know there's little to be done for him, but the hospice won't increase his pain relief without having him medically assessed because he has new chest pain. I do understand the reasons but...

I wasn't allowed to go with him today and had to see him go, screaming in pain from being moved and begging me not to send him, he's already spent too many of his last weeks in hospital without his family. Although terminal, still no visits until the last days. I understand why he didn't want to go, I couldn't get the pain relief he needs without having him assessed though.

He's not answering his phone, I don't know if he's well enough to contact me and I haven't heard anything.

How long do I wait before calling the hospital?

OP posts:
joystir59 · 21/05/2021 17:20

My heart goes out to you both as I could have written this post last year when my wife was alone in hospital when she received her terminal diagnosis. I hope you hear soon and that he either goes back to the hospice with his pain under control.or you can be with him.in hospital. It is so tough on you both. Take care of yourself @NewMatress Flowers

Nohomemadecandles · 21/05/2021 17:23

Sending strength. It must be terrible for you. I'm so sorry you can't be with him. Flowers

PegasusReturns · 21/05/2021 17:25

I’m so sorry.

It’s absolutely barbaric. I hope you have your DH home soon and can spend precious time together.

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Mamamamasaurus · 21/05/2021 17:27

No words OP, just these Flowers

something2say · 21/05/2021 17:32

Have a hug from me too xxxxx

It's a horrible position to be in. I hope you've been able to get thro.

You never know, a line of antibiotics and some other pain meds may lead to a discharge soon, and then you can see him again.

Unsure33 · 21/05/2021 17:33

Make sure you check about visits as our local hospital is allowing short visits .

WorraLiberty · 21/05/2021 17:33

@Memoriesbringbackyou

Firstly, I am so sorry for you and your husband. I know that I would be at that hospital with my DH in this situation, Covid or not. Go, explain how you feel, and be with him. Your husbands life tragically is drawing to a close. He needs to be pain free. Screw what rules are in place. Shout the hospital down until he gets what he needs. Thinking of you.
So be so fucking ridiculous

Screw the rules? Shout the hospital down?

Yeah that's exactly what the OP's DH needs, his wife to be arrested at a time like this and never mind the poor staff who are just following rules 🙄🙄

Cbtb · 21/05/2021 17:39

I’m really sorry Op. the hospital I work in is allowing visits in these circumstances. I am hoping that you can visit him soon - it sounds like your husband is unable to advocate for himself at present and that should be an additional reason you are allowed to visit

ExhaustedFlamingo · 21/05/2021 17:39

Different circumstances, but about 3 weeks ago I had to go to out of hours at the local hospital, and then to A&E and then onto a day ward for some investigations (it was a hell of a week!)

In my hospital, I could have taken someone with me for all of the above. Lots of patients had people with them, even in A&E. There were 70 patients ahead of me in the A&E queue apparently - and most had someone with them in the waiting room.

As part of all of the above, a CT scan incidentally found a breast lump so I was referred to the breast clinic for biopsy and ultrasound etc which is on a separate site. My DP insisted on coming with me this time (I'd previously kept him away from the hospital because I didn't want him potentially being exposed to COVID). I was in a bit of a state about the breast lump and letter said I could bring someone with me. Anyway, at the breast clinic they wouldn't let anyone in other than the actual patients. Not even into the waiting area. My DP - bless his heart - went and sat in the car and waited for about 4 hours. Actually think he quite enjoyed himself as he got to watch Netflix on his phone without being interrupted by the DC or me.

Anyway, the point I am making is that there are different rules in place in different wards, hospitals etc. And it doesn't seem to be absolutely cast in stone everywhere that visitors are no longer allowed. Once your DH is on the ward, hopefully if you explain the situation you might be able to go and see him OP? I don't know if doing a lateral flow test yourself would help, just so you could say to them you've tested negative for COVID? Things seem to be relaxing very slightly even at hospitals so I'm hoping if he has to stay in he won't have to be completely on his own this time.

You both sound like you've been through hell and have tough days ahead. Just sending you love.

Memoriesbringbackyou · 21/05/2021 17:40

I think there are cross wires here. My post was not ever intended to be cruel.
I was not implying that the op was not a good enough wife fgs!
I was saying if this were me.... however I did not mean it to be that the op was not doing enough.
This is what I think...Go to to the place, husband is at, and demand and shout for what op wants for her husband. Sometimes this is the only way anything gets done.
Sod Covid. If people wear a mask and all the rest, chances are everything will be ok.

Memoriesbringbackyou · 21/05/2021 17:45

I am leaving Mumsnet. I only recentely joined. I hate how people can get shouted down so quickly by others, just because of their own opinion, which may not always get portrayed so well, by how it is written.
I have absolutely everything empathy, sympathy and all the rest for the op. It must be hell for her, and her husband.
If I didn't care, then I would not have responded.
I have had atrocious treatment through the NHS in the past and witnessed a lot of the same treatment to others.
The NHS is not all good. I found the only time I got anything to alter for myself and others was by being outspoken and demanding, sadly.
I hope the op and her husband all the best. The poor man should not be left screaming in pain. This is 2021. This is what Boris Johnson needs to see.

Tagaagajavdv · 21/05/2021 17:46

Visiting has resumed in most trusts, in some form in the UK. I hope you are able to visit x

Memoriesbringbackyou · 21/05/2021 17:50

Get arrested? Please. Live in the real world. I did not mean start attacking Staff. I meant Demand, because the truth is, that this is the only way that things change and people get listened to.
I wish the OP and her husband all the best in getting what they rightly deserve. My heart goes out to them. I am sorry if I offended.
This is the trouble sometimes with messages and also texts.
If I was saying this to the OP, she would know I did not mean it as it may have come across by message.
Anyway, this is the end of my posts. I am leaving Mumsnet, so no point replying nasty replies.

l2b2 · 21/05/2021 17:52

@Memoriesbringbackyou

Anyway, this is the end of my posts. I am leaving Mumsnet, so no point replying nasty
^

Good

Mamamamasaurus · 21/05/2021 17:53

@Memoriesbringbackyou

Get arrested? Please. Live in the real world. I did not mean start attacking Staff. I meant Demand, because the truth is, that this is the only way that things change and people get listened to. I wish the OP and her husband all the best in getting what they rightly deserve. My heart goes out to them. I am sorry if I offended. This is the trouble sometimes with messages and also texts. If I was saying this to the OP, she would know I did not mean it as it may have come across by message. Anyway, this is the end of my posts. I am leaving Mumsnet, so no point replying nasty replies.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out
ineedaholidaynow · 21/05/2021 17:54

This thread is not about you @Memoriesbringbackyou. It is meant to be support for @NewMatress

Original poster
NewMatress · 21/05/2021 17:57

Ok, so I've spoken to DH who sounds remarkably chipper considering. He has had a lot of morphine though Grin

He's on the ward but the doesn't seem to know why. He thinks he will come home tonight, but I doubt it. I doubt they'll be able to arrange transport now, even if they wanted to.

I've also spoken to the ward, but they couldn't tell me anything either because he hasn't seen a doctor yet. I'm to try again later.

If they keep him in tomorrow, I'll start fighting the visit battle then. I can't go now anyway, DS has gone out in my car Grin Obviously I'd find a way if I needed to, but we've had a nice chat, DH is settled and will sleep now after all the upheaval. Having a visit at home knocks him out for the rest of the day.

OP posts:
Zzelda · 21/05/2021 17:57

This is what I think...Go to to the place, husband is at, and demand and shout for what op wants for her husband. Sometimes this is the only way anything gets done.
Sod Covid. If people wear a mask and all the rest, chances are everything will be ok.

During a pandemic, demanding and shouting won't get things done. Apart from getting OP chucked out.

Zzelda · 21/05/2021 17:59

Was there no way the hospice could have arranged for a doctor to visit your DH to do the medical assessment? It seems really quite cruel to force him to be dragged off to hospital, especially when all he's doing is lying around waiting for a doctor to see him.

madroid · 21/05/2021 18:01

OP have you tried your GP? They might be able to give you some insider info.

I'm so sorry you're facing this. It's truly an awful time. You have all my sympathy. And awful that you to have to push for pain relief. I'm surprised at the hospice's approach. Most have prescribing drs visiting so as not to have to move patients from home or the hospice.

Stupid to say in a way I know, but try to have a bit of a break this evening.

HamAndCheeseToastie5032 · 21/05/2021 18:01

I'm glad you managed to talk to him, and that he sounds upbeat Flowers

WorraLiberty · 21/05/2021 18:01

@Memoriesbringbackyou

You advised the OP to Shout the hospital down which could indeed get her arrested.

NHS staff don't stand for that sort of aggressive behaviour and nor should they.

Rec0veringAcademic · 21/05/2021 18:01

Sending you hugs, NewMatress. My mother died of cancer 3 years ago and I have often thought during the past year just how awful it would be if she was undergoing treatment now. I cannot imagine the anguish.
Covid has done so much collateral damage. :(

madroid · 21/05/2021 18:02

Oh cross post. Great news.

Now definitely have a nice relaxing evening OP. You have to look after yourself too.

Bath? Takeaway? Film... treat yourself!

WorraLiberty · 21/05/2021 18:02

I'm glad he sounds chipper OP, must be a tiny relief for you Thanks

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