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Original poster

Fed up of other peoples dogs complicating my life.

410 replies

CrystalE · 21/05/2021 00:07

I don't mind dogs. We don't have them because of environmental concerns - we have vegetarian pets.

However recently I am fed up as trying to arrange to meet various family members seems to be totally constrained by their dogs . Here are examples:

Lets meet up for a pub lunch - family member A - "are dogs allowed"
Lets go for a country walk - family member B "can it be dog friendly"
How about a beach visit - family member C - "will dog have to be on lead"

I want to see family - not their dogs. Why can't the dogs just stay at home ...............

We love our pets but we don't want to take them everywhere with us.

OP posts:
Armi · 21/05/2021 06:37

If you haven’t seen them for over a year, surely you can put up with the dog thing as it hasn’t been an issue for such a long time anyway.

I don’t see the issue with the walk - if there is livestock in a field then dogs can go on a lead. I think you’re being a bit precious.

Goatinthegarden · 21/05/2021 06:38

You sound very entitled OP. Why is your need to go out without a dog more important than your family member’s desire to bring the dog? You act like family is so very important, why wouldn’t you want them to just be able to enjoy their day without worrying about their dog being left alone?

You don’t HAVE to meet up with your family if it’s that much of an inconvenience to you.

(I don’t have a dog btw because it’s too much hassle, but I’m willing to accommodate my friends and family members needs and hang out with their furry pals)

hiredandsqueak · 21/05/2021 06:42

I think it's down to what you suggest tbh. If you are suggesting a walk then most people with dogs would assume that the dog coming along was expected and quite possibly that you suggested a walk because you were being accommodating of the dog.
Likewise walk and pub lunch as round here (Peak District) pubs pretty much expect that many walkers wanting lunch will have their dog with them. The beach again might suggest to them you are thinking of them having a dog with them so you would probably need to state whether you mean the dog friendly bit when it's tourist season or not.

Ohtheplacesyougo · 21/05/2021 06:42

My dog would never exclude you from a walk OP.

If I had to choose to go a walk with friends without a dog or a walk with my dog - I know what I’d choose!!!

Not just because I love my dog (although I do) but highlights true colours of friend and uncompromising.

Btw - different story if phobias or serious allergies.

SpeakingFranglais · 21/05/2021 06:44

I don’t mind dogs, I have toyed with idea of having one, but ultimately I won’t, because I know how tying they are and I have cats who can be left for the day quite happily.

YANBU, I don’t even get taking a dog out on your exercise, as they just stop and sniff at everything, unless they are those super fit, well trained, working dogs that can run with their owner for miles.

Hollyhead · 21/05/2021 06:44

YANBU, dogs make life very complicated. Also my DS is scared of them and it makes for very stressful outings when people insist on bringing them along.

devildeepbluesea · 21/05/2021 06:49

I'm not really seeing the issue.
Walks - no big deal if their dog's shit is that much of an issue, get one of those airtight holders for them, so they can put it away til you find a bin.

Fields with livestock - don't these dogs have leads?

Dog friendly beaches - if it works for you, what's the prob? If it doesn't just say I want to go to a different beach.

Personally, I think a walk is always enhanced by a dog.

Sparklingbrook · 21/05/2021 06:52

You sound very entitled OP

I have to disagree with that, they are not entitled at all. Trying to make arrangements taking a dog into account is more difficult than just people meeting up. WRT to where you can and can't go and where you can eat etc. That's just fact. Some want to eat a meal without a dog sitting on their feet under the table or trying to sniff their food. In a place with loads of other dogs.

There's places around here who do an afternoon tea for dogs with a pupaccino-they can take their dogs for a treat separately for that.

CanICelebrate · 21/05/2021 06:54

I prefer my dog to most people Grin so if someone wanted to walk but didn’t want my dog to come then neither of us would go!
I don’t take her to pubs as I like to eat in peace and find her a distraction.
I do go to plenty of places without her and we holiday abroad regularly (we have a great dog sitter), but if someone specifically said they didn’t want her to come on a walk if be a bit Hmm and probably not go!
She is like a family member to us (me, dh and 3 dc) and we love her.

yupyupyup · 21/05/2021 06:59

This is unreal. Just tell them you'd rather the dog didn't come to these meetings up. No big deal at all. You might find your family CBA with you in that case!

My dog is my best friend and I want him to be able to enjoy his short life. That means being by my side almost all the time, going to new places and meeting new people/animals.

There are definitely two types of people and I have no time whatsoever for those who think they're more important because they're human! OP, I hope you come back as a dog in the next life Smile

SleepyMathematician · 21/05/2021 07:00

Is this is a MIL thread in disguise? Because some of the things you say are so unreasonable (you mind them carrying their dog’s poo, you want to walk a slightly different route) that I think it has to be. There’s no other logical explanation.

Oblomov21 · 21/05/2021 07:01

I don't think it's a dog issue as such. If it wasn't dogs it'd be something else: I can't meet you because .... Dh can't look after the baby, he's playing golf, I'm at the gym/work/ need to look after ailing parent. It's all bullshit. Everyone has time, if they choose to make you their priority with what they do with their time.

They just aren't at the same level of you, of friendship balance / need. The 5 close female friendships I have work because we both put in the same amount. It's balanced and it works. Not all the time, but mostly.

ginoclocksomewhere · 21/05/2021 07:02

You sound ridiculous . How dare people make a decision that enhances their own lives, if it's dares inconvenience you 🙄

A) well behaved dogs on leads can be around livestock.

B) I don't know many country pubs that don't allow dogs, even after COVID.

C) if you're not carrying the shit, what's the problem?

nancywhitehead · 21/05/2021 07:03

We want to see them - unencumbered by dog complications

Okay... but that's not what THEY want, or are able to offer you.

The reality is that they have dogs and you just have to accept that. There's no point in moaning about what they can't or won't do with you - it just makes you sound quite needy and honestly a bit unpleasant and unaccepting of people as they are.

I'm similar to you - no dogs myself but have friends who have dogs. The dogs are just part of who they are and people can't always easily leave their dogs at home alone for various reasons.

Honestly I don't understand your problem. Just plan to do things where it's OK to take dogs. Accept that that is something they need and move on with your life!

Sparklingbrook · 21/05/2021 07:03

Just tell them you'd rather the dog didn't come to these meetings up. No big deal at all

In an ideal world that's exactly what you should be able to do. But some dog owners take huge offence at this. They should be able to go out occasionally minus the dog, surely? Just for a short time?

Oblomov21 · 21/05/2021 07:06

Stood at football with football mums last weekend. One telling us how puppy can't be left and despite promises most dog care is now left to her. Reminded me that I had made the right decision to say no to a dog.

I love dogs. Dh had one years before I met him. Ds2 is obsessed with dogs.

But I'm even more confident that we / I made the right decision.

SwedishK · 21/05/2021 07:09

I have two dogs who require quite a lot of exercise, if someone asked me to go for a country walk or similar I would definitely like to take my dogs as otherwise I will just have to go for another long walk with them as soon I get home.

I wouldn't bring them to a pub though as they are too energetic to just lay down by the table and mind their own business. They are fine to be home alone for up to five hours, so as long as the pub lunch isn't a long drive from home, I'd much rather leave them there.

I think you just have to think of other activities to do with your family, which aren't dog friendly. Although, there are some dogs who can't be left home alone, so if your family's dogs are like that it might be tricky to see them sans dogs.

iloveeverykindofcat · 21/05/2021 07:10

Well, that's their lifestyle choice, and its up to you to decide if its worth it to socialize with them around it. As you might guess by my username, I love cats, who are easy to leave for hours or even overnight if needs be, but I don't go away on holiday and leave them. If you get a pet you make a commitment to give that pet a good life.

Moondust001 · 21/05/2021 07:12

To be honest OP, you seem very judgmental of everything and everybody, and just very hard work. I'd be fine bringing my dog to a pub or for a walk. I am not sure that I would want to bring you.

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 21/05/2021 07:12

Surely they are just asking the question. It's not kind to leave dogs alone for hours on end, so of course if you're going on a country walk or to the pub, most responsible dog owners would think about bringing their pets. We have two rescue dogs and we try and take them with us if possible - it's good for them. If it's not possible then we make other arrangements, but yes, we do ask.

1starwars2 · 21/05/2021 07:13

I can't imagine going for a walk and leaving my dog at home. What a bizarre idea.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/05/2021 07:13

@LaurieFairyCake

Well pets that eat plants I assume Grin

Bunnies, hamsters, rats etc

Hamsters and rats will gleefully devour the flesh of almost any other beast.

Bunnies are pretty vegan-friendly, though.

Oblomov21 · 21/05/2021 07:14

OP is entitled? Shock No she's not.

Or if she is, so am I.

If I want to meet a friend for a good natter or a posh lunch I don't want dogs/screaming babies/tantruming toddlers either. I'm passed that stage of parenting, I can leave my teenagers on the x box for 15 hours straight with a findus crispy pancake, and go out for the day, with my mum.

Or I meet with my friend, in the woods, who has 3 dogs and we walk, talking about bloody covid, and putting the world to rights.

But, it's respectful to eachother to realise that your friends might not be into what you are : dog/baby that only you really find sweet, etc.

boydy99 · 21/05/2021 07:14

I agree with you OP. SIL1 refused to come to our wedding partly because their poor dog would have to travel (and partly because we refused to rearrange the seating plan to suit her unreasonable requests but thats another story Grin). SIL2 refuses to go anywhere without her dog, including visiting us because we won't let her poorly trained giant breed dog in our house with guinea-pigs, cat and toddler. MIL makes sure we know she can't visit because she can't leave her two cats alone, they require a family member (not just a house sitter) to stay with them. They directly compare their dogs to our son, and get angry if we don't treat the dogs like nieces and fuss all over them as soon as we see them. DH was told off for stepping backwards when SIL2 giant dog shoved its nose in his crotch, because dog is just being friendly and won't bite! SIL1s dog was apparently the "first grandchild". the list goes on

Nonbibblebibble · 21/05/2021 07:14

‘ Because it imposes a restriction about route - can't go across fields with baby lambs/ big cows, b) might get shot by farmers c) have to carry bags o shit wondering when dog shit bin will appear d) can't go on certain beaches’

What a load of twaddle - you shouldn’t be walking through fields with lambs etc anyway but you can walk around the edge as your supposed to with a dog on a lead.
No fecking farmer is going to shoot at you because you have a dog on a lead with you.
As for beaches, there a certain times of the year on some beaches were dogs are restricted, that is true but it’s often area by area not entire beaches.
If you really want to go in a beach that entirely bans dogs til autumn then tell the relatives that and they can make a decision re dog.
Dogs are part ofmthenfamily but of course don’t have to go everywhere. However if I was for a country walk would probably think that was the perfect time to bring a dog along.
The dog is THEIR hassle not yours.