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Original poster

Fed up of other peoples dogs complicating my life.

410 replies

CrystalE · 21/05/2021 00:07

I don't mind dogs. We don't have them because of environmental concerns - we have vegetarian pets.

However recently I am fed up as trying to arrange to meet various family members seems to be totally constrained by their dogs . Here are examples:

Lets meet up for a pub lunch - family member A - "are dogs allowed"
Lets go for a country walk - family member B "can it be dog friendly"
How about a beach visit - family member C - "will dog have to be on lead"

I want to see family - not their dogs. Why can't the dogs just stay at home ...............

We love our pets but we don't want to take them everywhere with us.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrystalE · 21/05/2021 01:07

Near poo bin

OP posts:
KaleSlayer · 21/05/2021 01:10

Maybe you’re not suited to your family then. 🤣

You all just need to compromise so you are all happy. Some activities that the dogs can come along and some not. That’s what you do if you care about people and want to see them.

Lizzie523 · 21/05/2021 01:11

YANBU OP. I recently went a walk with a friend whose dog has rubbish recall. It kept disappearing while she shouted on it for ages. It chased squirrels. It hassled people hating picnics.

Then my friend ate lunch as we walked which took her a flipping hour and asked me to have the dog for that time so she could eat freely. She always brings the dog and honestly I've stopped initiating meet ups much because of it. It ruins the flow of a normal walk.

Original poster
CrystalE · 21/05/2021 01:13

@CrazyCatsAndKittens - many walks, pubs and beaches are not dog friendly due to a) livestock b) food hygeine c) beach restristions, I am tasked with arranging meeting place. As I have no dog I don't want to have to think about this.

it is almost worse when I try to arrnage to meet up with family d) who have camper van than is too big to fit in most car parks.

We just get up in the morning, think - its a lovely day, lets go some where lovely and go there without having to worry about any of this shit (other than making sure guinea pigs have ehough hay for the duration)

OP posts:
mainsfed · 21/05/2021 01:14

[quote CrystalE]@mainsfed - sadly am probably going to have to compromise by going on dog filled meet up.[/quote]
But at least it puts onus on them to organise?

KaleSlayer · 21/05/2021 01:15

Lizzie523

Well your friend is irresponsible if she’s letting her dog off lead with no recall and the dog is bothering people. I wouldn’t want to go on walks with her and her dog either.

KaleSlayer · 21/05/2021 01:16

We just get up in the morning, think - its a lovely day, lets go some where lovely and go there without having to worry about any of this shit (other than making sure guinea pigs have ehough hay for the duration)

But if you want to see your family then you have to accept their life is different to yours.

Floralnomad · 21/05/2021 01:21

You are being utterly ridiculous , and fwiw if my sister is going out for a whole day she arranges for someone to go in and give her guinea pig clan their lunch veggies or she has a bunch of very unhappy piggies when she gets home .

CrazyCatsAndKittens · 21/05/2021 01:22

[quote CrystalE]@CrazyCatsAndKittens - many walks, pubs and beaches are not dog friendly due to a) livestock b) food hygeine c) beach restristions, I am tasked with arranging meeting place. As I have no dog I don't want to have to think about this.

it is almost worse when I try to arrnage to meet up with family d) who have camper van than is too big to fit in most car parks.

We just get up in the morning, think - its a lovely day, lets go some where lovely and go there without having to worry about any of this shit (other than making sure guinea pigs have ehough hay for the duration)[/quote]
I do understand. It’s just that a lot of walks and pub gardens are dog friendly, so people just hear walk or pub garden and think it would be nice to take their dog. It’s like suggesting to a friend let’s go to the park for a picnic, they wouldn’t automatically think that they must book a babysitter for that. They’d just think it’s kid-friendly.

Original poster
CrystalE · 21/05/2021 01:24

Maybe just gonna say - sorry Family A)B)C) & D) have no headspace to accomodate your pet and vehicle requirements - we'll be here and here - on Sat XX June. Hope to see you then.

OP posts:
lakesidelife · 21/05/2021 01:25

I'm a dog owner and have every sympathy with you OP.
I never take my dog out when meeting people, anymore than I take the cat, mice or gerbil.

The habit of turning dogs into children that have to be taken everywhere is a bit odd.

KaleSlayer · 21/05/2021 01:26

Just be prepared that they might not turn up so you won’t get to see them. But maybe that’s for the best as you seem a bit pissed off with them anyway. 😬

Original poster
CrystalE · 21/05/2021 01:26

@Floralnomad - our guinea pigs have lower expectations than your sisters. They seem ok though.

OP posts:
lakesidelife · 21/05/2021 01:29

On reflection I think it is about anthropomorphism. I don't actually think it is particularly healthy for dogs and it definitely limited to certain parts of the world.

TheTeenageYears · 21/05/2021 01:32

Completely with you @CrystalE. Everyone seemed to get dogs just as their DC were old enough for some independence (tweenage). I find it so restricting, especially given the advice on leaving dogs for long periods has completely changed over the years so a dog is more of a limiting factor now than say 25 years ago.

KaleSlayer · 21/05/2021 01:33

On reflection I think it is about anthropomorphism.

I take my dogs with me because one of them has terrible anxiety when left alone, thanks to a previous owner leaving her on her own too much. She’s ok for a little while but not hours.

Original poster
CrystalE · 21/05/2021 01:35

@KaleSlayer - Hopefully they will realise that humans are more important than dogs.

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 21/05/2021 01:37

Not RTFT sorry.

A few threads like this at the mo.

I have realised that loads of people have bought lockdown dogs and so things have changed.

At work and round where I live loads of people have got dogs recently. A fair amount of them didn't realise what they were letting themselves in for. Like at Xmas.

I am not keen on dogs tbh. My friends who have them ask if it's ok to bring them. And I say yes fine just remember me and dd2 aren't that keen. And they say yes we'll do xyz and I say great and that's fine. I also trust them to control them.

There's nothing wrong with saying nope to arrangement with dog. Just say look sorry I just really can't relax around dogs. When might you be able to get away just us? And if they say no no no dog no me then tbh they're not real friends.

IME people who actually like you are understanding if you're not keen etc.

Original poster
CrystalE · 21/05/2021 01:38

@TheTeenageYears @lakesidelife - glad it's not just me.

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 21/05/2021 01:41

I think that's the thing as kale says.

Having a dog is as restrictive as having a young child.

If they can't come to the weekend away, drinks in town, theatre, I dunno whatever.

Just react as you would if it was a woman who was BF for eg or a single mother with no support. That's probably the easiest way to think about it. It's not personal - it's just not something they can do for now and possibly a few years yet or longer.

Original poster
CrystalE · 21/05/2021 01:46

What's weird to me is why everyone, after 20 years of child rearing graft would then want to tie themselves down with another committment. I also question whether the humanising of pets has gone too far - if they didn;t bring dog and just left it at home with lunch - would the dog actually be thinking - oh no am missing out on lovely family day out?

OP posts:
Original poster
CrystalE · 21/05/2021 01:47

@nicegerbil - its not a breastfeeding woman though - is it?

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 21/05/2021 01:49

'Hopefully they will realise that humans are more important than dogs.'

To a fair few people dogs are way more important though! So don't forget that.

In the end if your friends have no suggestions to see you other than with the dog- at all- they don't really want to see you.

Especially if they don't live alone (apart from the dog!).

All of my friends and family who have dogs are very accomodating tbh. And they definitely don't suggest bringing them for a night down the pub! And they don't say i need to bring the dog very often. In fact they never say that. They say do you mind.

Basic courtesy surely?

And like I say if they can't/ won't for anything anywhere then I'd think they didn't really want to see me tbh.

KaleSlayer · 21/05/2021 01:54

Hopefully they will realise that humans are more important than dogs.

Hopefully you will realise it’s not a competition.

Having dogs, if you do it right, does change your lifestyle. I still go to friends houses etc without my dogs when I can arrange for my partner or kids to be around for the dogs. Sometimes I can’t attend things because I can’t leave the dogs for 4 hours. Good family and friends make allowances and compromise. If they/you are not willing to do that then the relationship isn’t worth anything anyway.

IME people who actually like you are understanding if you're not keen

Absolutely. I have a friend who has a child that is really scared of dogs. I don’t take my dogs ever when I see them but sometimes that means I can’t go. She’s lovely and understands I can’t just leave the dogs for hours, the same as I understand taking them to see her and her child just isn’t an option. No need to make a hierarchy of who is more important, we’re friends.

NiceGerbil · 21/05/2021 01:54

No of course it's not crystal! Nothing like.

However. If they say they can't go out at all without the dog full stop. Then it's easiest to draw that analogy in your head at least. And accept they won't be available without the dog for a looonngg time.

But no of course it's not the same!

In the end if a good mate who knows you don't like dogs says no to any and all stuff without bringing it... Then they aren't that interested in seeing you. I mean unless they work at home and they live by themselves and their dog can't be left for 30 mins or go in another room while you pop round for a cuppa or whatever... I mean that's very restrictive indeed.

So no point getting annoyed etc just accept they're not available for the foreseeable future.

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