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Original poster

Manners - are there any you didn't know about until you were older?

999 replies

CheeseToastieLove · 14/05/2021 20:52

Is there anything you didn't realise was bad manners until you were an adult. Things you weren't told when you were young? I didn't realise it was good manners to leave your alcohol at a party when you were leaving until I was in my late 20s. Always took my half full bottle home with me! Cringe. My friend was never taught it was bad manners to start eating before everyone's meals had arrived until she was in her 30s. She was always half finished before everyone had been served.

OP posts:
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LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour · 15/05/2021 15:11

Sorry, hadn't rtft or realised there had been quite so many responses. Probably the height of bad manners according to MNetiqette... Blush

OnlyheretovoteonAIBU · 15/05/2021 15:16

This thread is giving me social anxiety. Most of this stuff would never have occurred to me...

Giantrooster · 15/05/2021 15:16

@Arbadacarba
In work situations (on the phone) the english speaking person is normally so fast at getting this over with that I've been left wondering if I missed my cue 😂.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
AbsolutelyPatsy · 15/05/2021 15:18

my grandfather would simple say "Grace", and I did not not know it was a joke

2bazookas · 15/05/2021 15:21

@SavingsQuestions

2bazookas Id be really interested if you started a thread on that. I suspect I have no idea... Blush
We;; we could kick off with personal hygiene; then go on to " rude things to say on the first shag;"

It's just a boil /rash /itch
It's my period.
When was your last period?
Did you bring a condom?
No, I didn't.
I'm allergic to latex.
Don't need a condom, I'm on the pill/had a vasectomy
This won't hurt. Well just a little bit. Honest,
Have you finished?

AndromedaGal · 15/05/2021 15:24

Surely a lot of manners are simply being more self aware, and selfless in your actions?

I don’t know how you could get to adulthood without being aware that it’s really disgusting to pick your teeth/nose in public, to take all the food (or the best bits) leaving none for others, to not say “excuse me” when you inadvertently sneeze all your horrible germs over others. It’s just about being polite in company. And tucking into your food before other people’s plates have arrived? Surely you know on some instinctive level that’s not ok?!!

Staffy1 · 15/05/2021 15:25

@IHaveBrilloHair

I was taught all of these things, Im glad I know should I ever need to but lots are fairly ridiculous. Eating soup by spooning it from the far side of the bowl, and towards the edge? Why exactly?
I haven't read the whole thread, so don't know if it's been said, but I read this was started on ships, slightly tilting the bowl away from you and spooning it from the far side, so that if the ship rocked the soup would spill on the table and not all over the person eating the soup.
NowRightHere · 15/05/2021 15:36

It’s interesting to read about the use of “say again, as my MIL once commented on my saying that. I hadn’t ever thought about it until then and thought that maybe it was just me, however, my grandmother was from a military family, so I wonder if that’s where it came from.

It wouldn’t occur to me to look at/notice how someone holds their knife and I just had to Google “holding your knife like a as pen” to see what it meant! I don’t do it and from this thread seem to do most other things the “correct” way, even though I don’t remember being taught to.

msby · 15/05/2021 15:39

I read much of this last night before bed. Clearly part of it stayed on my mind as I woke with the children’s rhyme stuck in my head. It’s been there all day!

Two fat gentlemen met in a lane
Bowed most politely, bowed once again
How do you do? How do you do?
How do you do again?

ivykaty44 · 15/05/2021 15:41

@Giantrooster I mentioned this a few pages ago, it was something my father did regardless of whether eating at home or outside the home

I had an aged aunt who would often apologise to him for talking so much as she realised he hadn’t finished, she never did it purposely & her stories were very entertaining

mrwalkensir · 15/05/2021 15:55

Apologies if already been said, but not holding a knife like a pen is a practicality thing. Holding it properly means that you can apply pressure whilst cutting. And the nose of the cheese thing - it's also that if everybody slices across, some poor soul get left with mainly rind. Especially with cheeses like brie. Manners tend to come from practical beginnings.l

1forAll74 · 15/05/2021 15:59

It used to be polite, to let an older person,to go ahead,and get on the bus or train whatever, now some young people,in hoodies, rush past you and you almost get pushed over.or do get pushed over.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 15/05/2021 16:05

I didn't know until today that there was a 'best' part of Brie, it seems all the same to me Blush

RampantIvy · 15/05/2021 16:05

Apologies if already been said, but not holding a knife like a pen is a practicality thing. Holding it properly means that you can apply pressure whilst cutting

I agree. My mum used to say it was an affectation from people trying to be posh.

I'm surprised at the number of mumsnetters who have been to and given very formal dinner parties. Our "dinner parties" are always very informal meals with friends, even if they consist of more than one course. We might dress up and eat good food and drink good wines, but they are still very informal. It is as much about the company as the eating and drinking.

Giantrooster · 15/05/2021 16:08

@ivykaty44
Apologies for missing your post.

I feel those who politely try to hold a conversation are disadvantaged by those eating instead of joining in. Atleast that's my excuse for being a bit like your aunt. I truly hope someone finds my ravings just a little entertaining like your aunts stories Blush.

Giantrooster · 15/05/2021 16:17

RampantIvy I'm surprised at the number of mumsnetters who have been to and given very formal dinner parties. Our "dinner parties" are always very informal meals with friends

For us it's very much divided, we have friends and family where you observe rules and regulations, and then there are friends and close family where we just rock on. But for me lots of things are a no no even when casual (not that I would ever ever comment, but I notice).

MysteriousMonkey · 15/05/2021 16:18

My father was raised in a still victoriana household so I am well aware of what was considered good manners including most of what has been mentioned on this thread. Sadly for my poor dad I don't really care about a lot of them, particularly eating in the street Grin

IHaveBrilloHair · 15/05/2021 16:23

Even at a casual event, say a barbecue with help yourself side dishes I'd notice someone talking a far larger portion of something than is polite, or rushing up first and getting their food and eating before anyone had really had a chance to move.

muckypaws · 15/05/2021 16:26

@HeyGirlHeyBoy

Why would it be 'bad mannered' to hold your fork and knife differently?! That makes no sense to me. Licking your knife, eating before others, talking while Eating, yes, but how you hold your knife and fork effects no one!
Yes, I don't get that either!
Bumpsadaisie · 15/05/2021 16:27

Easier not to yeet it into your lap if bowl tipped away

RampantIvy · 15/05/2021 16:28

@Giantrooster all of our friends and family have good table manners, so when I say informal it is more about drinking the wine that guests bring rather than licking your knife or putting elbows on the table.

Bumpsadaisie · 15/05/2021 16:28

... the soup, I mean!

Firstbornunicorn · 15/05/2021 16:29

I didn’t know it was considered rude to eat before everyone was served until I met my husband! My family never used to eat out, so I guess that’s why.

Re: the holding cutlery thing, I spent many a tearful mealtime telling my dad that I just couldn’t do it properly. He was very insistent that your knife and fork had to be held in a certain way, otherwise people would think you weren’t raised properly.

I still can’t hold my knife “properly” as my hands are too hypermobile. Still get a bit cross with him when I think about it.

FourOnTheHill · 15/05/2021 16:39

I’m sure we all learned about double dipping late because in the UK in the 80s eating hummous wasn’t really a thing?!

Getoffmyhat · 15/05/2021 16:40

I just had to google how to hold my knife correctly and I still can't see the problem with HKLP (which means I must be doing it wrong!)
happy to be enlightened!

Growing up, I didn't realise it was considered rude to eat before everyone had their food served. My DM grew up in poverty and they were encouraged to eat a hot meal as soon as it was in front of them as it might be the only hot thing they have that day (cold area, no heating etc).