Manners - are there any you didn't know about until you were older?

[CheeseToastieLove]

Is there anything you didn't realise was bad manners until you were an adult. Things you weren't told when you were young? I didn't realise it was good manners to leave your alcohol at a party when you were leaving until I was in my late 20s. Always took my half full bottle home with me! Cringe. My friend was never taught it was bad manners to start eating before everyone's meals had arrived until she was in her 30s. She was always half finished before everyone had been served.

i was taught dont say what say pardon

A more moedern one - people sitting down at the table to eat in company and laying their phone next to their plate and then checking it everytime it buzzes or even answering texts immediately!

Instead of "You're welcome" the correct British response was "Don't mention it".

BREAK YOUR BREAD DON'T BITE IT! That was the rule of my childhood and youth. It then makes sense to take all your butter/pate/runny cheese in one go and keep it on the side of your plate. You break a bit of bread and take a little of whatever on your knife and wipe it onto the bread, eat. If you were to take butter etc as you went along you'd be holding onto the spreads through the whole meal and no one else would be able to have some, and obviously if you're going to break your bread you can't spread the whole piece or you'd be getting butter and pate all over your fingers.

The soup thing is to avoid your lap in case of spillage, as stated above.

Sometimes I still break my bread depending upon company, and I tend to do itif it's part of a meal, but having a private snack at teatime I probably won't bother (with the exception of croisants, can't do them any other way, got to be broken and spread piecemeal, no matter the occasion).).

I’ve enjoyed reading this !!

My mum always goes on about cutlery being in the correct hands and in all my life I can’t ever say I’ve even noticed what hands others have their cutlery in !! I do notice however people chewing with mouths open or being obscenely rude. Also thinking of all the times I’ve happily buttered my whole roll and eat my soup spooning it however I liked ! I wonder if folk were watching and judging!

good example about the phones, some restaurants i believe have a basket for you to put your phone,
my dm is a stickler for this with my dc

Apologies IHaveBrilloHair and OldRaver I replied to completely the wrong quote.

That was in response to "you're welcome" being an Americanism etc.

Leaving the table before everyone is finished is a lesson one of my adult relatives still hasn't learnt and we are talking special occasions like Christmas dinner, birthday meals etc.

Elbows on the table - agree with this

Bottle of wine - it’s a gift for the host as a thank-you, so you shouldn’t take it home

Wearing shoes in other people houses - growing up, always kept them on. Now never too soon whether to take them off or keep them on.

WhatsApp/messages - you supposed to respond within a microsecond of someone messaging you

Most of these are just nonsense.

No wonder its so difficult for neurodivergent people to exist alongside these rules that have absolutely no sense to them!

@HeddaGarbled

Don’t take all of the lovely runny end of the Brie/Camembert/other lovely runny cheese. Take a slice along the length so that other people can have a share of the best bit. I learned this after getting told off at a slightly posher than I was used to dinner party.

I was going to say this too! I was told it is true for all round cheese because the tastiest part is in the middle.

@CheeseToastieLove

Is there anything you didn't realise was bad manners until you were an adult. Things you weren't told when you were young? I didn't realise it was good manners to leave your alcohol at a party when you were leaving until I was in my late 20s. Always took my half full bottle home with me! Cringe. My friend was never taught it was bad manners to start eating before everyone's meals had arrived until she was in her 30s. She was always half finished before everyone had been served.

The drink thing isn't a matter of manners; surely it depends on the type of party and who is at it. A bunch of teenagers at a house party and you hang onto your booze, but taking a bottle of wine that you give to the host at a more grown-up party, then you should leave it, but again it probably depends on how friendly/relaxed your relationship with the host.

I was always taught young about knife fork positions and manners etc. I cringe when I eat with people who have literally no table manners, talk with their mouths full, elbows on tables, chewing loudly, licking knives, so much so that I avoid eating with that person again.

When I do buffets with dips I always serve a small relish spoon in each dip so everyone can put a bit on their plate because just no to other people’s saliva 🤢 also hate when people pick something up at a buffet then stick it back down again- just Chuck it away if you don’t want it 🤢

I think the phrase refers to someone being addressed as ‘she’ in their presence. The correct thing to do is use their name or better still address the person directly when they are there.

That’s correct.

You shouldn’t cut a bread roll with a knife, you should break it open with your hands.

@20Dogoodfeelgood
'Can we please make smoking while walking something very impolite and frowned upon while we are at it?! That’s MUCH more offensive than eating in my opinion. So horrible getting stuck behind a smoker on the morning commute!'

Yes i hate this too! The smoke always blows in your face and i always have to run to get past them!
'

Please remove your half a bottle of booze from my house 😂

A real hate is when you are at the table and still eating, and someone starts clearing the plates of those who have already finished!

Funnily enough it's the other way around in France and it's very bad manners to have your hands under the dining table:

www.frenchtoday.com/blog/french-culture/french-politeness-table-etiquette/

The rest is pretty much the same apart from not picking up your cheese with fingers, which actually I've seen French colleagues do all the time, even in quite formal settings.

'I think the phrase refers to someone being addressed as ‘she’ in their presence. The correct thing to do is use their name or better still address the person directly when they are there.'

Exactly, I've seen alot of supposed professional adults do this and it comes across rude. I've also seen people address others as 'thingy' to other colleagues because they can't remember their name in the same room as them too!

The not eating until everyone has been serviced thing is wrong. It was the middle classes trying to be upper class and getting it wrong.

The only time you wait is if the dish is served cold. If the food is served hot, you dont wait, you eat.

It is horrendously ill-mannered to correct anyone's manners, apart from your children and DH.

I couldn't care less if someone tips their soup bowl the 'wrong' way, but I can't bear people who don't pass food around at the table. Surely any adult is capable of realising that the person at the other end of the table might like some spuds? I really judge non-passers

So what is the correct response to how do you do??

Not an explanation at all, but I'm from the NW of England and
it's just reminded me that "having a bit of a 'how do you do' with someone meant an argument or even a fight. Does this ring a bell with anyone?

I meant to tag @CheeseToastieLove in my post above.

I'm from the NW of England and

Bloody heck! NE! I'm forgetting me roots.