Would you do this with your child?

[treesmight]

Would you leave 14/15 year old child alone at home for a week with food in fridge, some money and in a safe village/area? There’s a local shop with food a five minute walk away.

just didn’t want to. I was probably difficult and rude and bratty about it. But i found it awful sitting in car parks waiting for my sibling to come out of another class, or driving round the country going to new group activities for them

See, your parents did listen to you to a certain extent.
If your sibling is younger, I can understand that your parents thought you are old & mature enough to be left home alone. Although a whole week is a bit to much at 14/15.
If the sibling is older, i would find it a bit strange...

I had a week at home just before my 16th - little sister went to guide camp the day after parents found a cheap holiday deal, so I stayed to send her off (refused holiday as was loving my new job).
Had a fabulous week - did my paper round, fed neighbours cat as they were also away, went off to work every day, walked elderly dog of equally elderly lady from church when I got home, did an evening of babysitting for mum’s friend... earned nearly as much as I do now, and felt hugely grown up!
Wasn’t lonely at all, and although my parents had encouraged me have my most sensible friend round as often as I wanted, I was quite happy doing my own thing.
In fairness, parents were friends with my boss, who gave me lunch and snacks, and helpfully picked me up from home to make sure it was still standing, lady from church kept trying to feed me, mum’s friend would have had me stay whenever... but my delightful microwave dinners for one, eaten in the garden with a little bottle of French lager are still a fond memory now!

@steppemum it’s not my interpretation of the studies, although I analyse research as part of my job. It’s the interpretation of the major alcohol agencies and the NHS which say the longer drinking is delayed the better the outcome - and the NHS also quotes that parental expectations are influential (on alcohol)

Make it clear that you disapprove. Research suggests that children are less likely to drink alcohol when their parents show that they don't agree with it.

However I think my example of alcohol is now going off topic! So won’t derail the thread anymore.

Christ, no.

I have read all the OP's posts and can see that this was a historical happening to her, not any children now.

My feeling is that at 14, you would definitely have been too young - at 15, maybe not so bad, but in reality I wouldn't have wanted to be left alone for more than a night at that age.

I babysat at 14 onwards, and was therefore alone in a house with the charge of small children - but never overnight. I looked after my own siblings into the small hours - but never overnight. I don't think I was ever left on my own at home overnight, let alone for a week! Alone LOTS during the day - but that's not the same at all.

So in answer to your question, I find it irresponsible of your parents to have left you for anything longer than a full day alone, and I certainly wouldn't be leaving my DSs for that length of time at that age.

But I think the real issue is Op is feeling abandoned or let down by her parents. Maybe its the lack of bond with them.

Op do you think they did educational museum's type holidays because it interested them as much is your sibling?
Do you think they'd had enough of trailing a stroppy teenager round museum's and places you weren't interested in.

Nothing bugs me more than, planning what's meant to be a fun family day out, and stroppy kid decides he doesn't want to go and would rather sit watching telly. Mine is at the age I still drag him but you can't really drag a 14/15 year old somewhere they don't want to go.

Op do you have any common interests with your parents?

There is definitely a thing of big difference between just 14 and 15 nearly 16.
Baring in mind 16 is really an adult in the eyes of the law. Legally can live alone, hold down a job, leave school, get married, have a baby.
(You just can't drive, drink or watch 18 films, or supervise baby in softplay WTF).

[quote Blossominspring2021]@steppemum it’s not my interpretation of the studies, although I analyse research as part of my job. It’s the interpretation of the major alcohol agencies and the NHS which say the longer drinking is delayed the better the outcome - and the NHS also quotes that parental expectations are influential (on alcohol)

Make it clear that you disapprove. Research suggests that children are less likely to drink alcohol when their parents show that they don't agree with it.[/quote]
But none of this is about alcohol, and I didn't disagree with you about alcohol, I said that teaching independance is not the same thing as having no boundaries, if anything, it is the parents with firm clear teaching about boundaries and responsibility that are able to teach independance successfully.
The studies are all about parents who implement clear boundaries and those who don't

I have clear boundaries. I don’t leave my child for a week at age 15. That’s not independence. It’s neglect.

Omg NO

Nothing bugs me more than, planning what's meant to be a fun family day out, and stroppy kid decides he doesn't want to go and would rather sit watching telly. Mine is at the age I still drag him but you can't really drag a 14/15 year old somewhere they don't want to go.

Sulky teenagers on holidays are frustrating - i wish there were kennels for them, where they could be left with unlimited wifi and a supply of takeaway food. But giving them a free reign of the house instead (hello party animals) -- not going to happen. This kind of situation not to be confused with circumstances when a kids has to be an adult in the house because a parent got ill.

This thread is mad, I was a teenager in the late 2000s, early 2010s so it wasn’t that long ago. Me and my friends used to go off camping at 15, I flew to America unaccompanied with lay overs often, we’d stay in friends holiday cottages at 16 for a weekend during term time or a week in the holidays. We were all responsible, we all had a phone and our parents had raised us to know how to cook etc... Why can’t you leave a 15 year old alone? They can move out at 16!?

God no never!

"This thread is mad, I was a teenager in the late 2000s, early 2010s so it wasn’t that long ago. Me and my friends used to go off camping at 15, I flew to America unaccompanied with lay overs often, we’d stay in friends holiday cottages at 16 for a weekend during term time or a week in the holidays. We were all responsible, we all had a phone and our parents had raised us to know how to cook etc... Why can’t you leave a 15 year old alone? They can move out at 16!?"

I was a teenager in the early 00s. I went away for a UK holiday with friends when we were 15, and was left home alone while my single parent worked away from about 14/15. Had a job at 14 and used to walk home alone at midnight. It seemed normal to me at the time, but I wouldn't be happy to leave my own kids at 14.

Probably a generational thing: my own parents were very much left to their own devices.

Hmm that’s a good point I suppose. I was born in 1990 for context. My sister and I went abroad on planes in our early teens - Europe and the states. But being at home in the countryside would have freaked me out 😂 I guess it’s the reality and responsibility and not an adventure :)

Of course not!

@treesmight

Thanks for replies. I didn’t mean to drip feed but have had therapy recently and this came up. My therapist was shocked. My parents would do this and later claim I didn’t want to go away with them and there was ‘nothing they could do.’ I didn’t want to go with them as they would take my sibling on higher education/advanced learner holidays. It was horrendously boring and I resented it so would make a fuss about going. They’d just leave money and food and go without me.

So, you refused to go with them leaving them no choice but to let you stay at home...

That's rather different to being left against your will or abandoned.

I personally wouldn't be reading anything into this situation and with your update l certainly don't think your parents were neglectful.

It's not a decision l would make but it sounds like you didn't give them any choice

No of course not.

Why can’t you leave a 15 year old alone? They can move out at 16!?

Difference betweed would no and do not. I was a teen in late 90's and early 00's. No, parents did not leave me for prolonged times, other than the obvious few hours daily while they worked. There had been a couple of overnights, but certainly no foreign holidays by themselves only. There were my peers who were left over weekends because parents had a second homes in countryside, and yeah - things went very badly in those homes.

If you think your kids would trash your house if you left them alone, you have fucked up. Work on where you went wrong before they mess up.

@maymaymayI. It's not always the child's fault. Especially with social media. All it takes is your child having a few friends over and, before you know it, it gets out that there's a "party" and a situation develops that a young teenager is ill-equipped to deal with.

If you think your kids would trash your house if you left them alone, you have fucked up. Work on where you went wrong before they mess up.

I trust my child. But not sure of his friends or friends of friends who may decide to rock up. Situation can go out of hand very quickly.

[quote Jellybabiesforbreakfast]@maymaymayI. It's not always the child's fault. Especially with social media. All it takes is your child having a few friends over and, before you know it, it gets out that there's a "party" and a situation develops that a young teenager is ill-equipped to deal with.[/quote]
That's what they tell you. But if they don't have a "few friends over" in the first place, there is nothing to get out of hand, so yes, it is their fault.

My parents did this exact thing when I was 15 (in early 2000s) and I never really gave it much thought, although it definitely is a piece in an overall picture of benign neglect.

They left me alone with a full fridge/freezer and some money for the local shop. The cleaner came in 2x per week and was expected to check on me. It was summer holidays so no school, so had no where to go. I think I lasted about 5 days until one of my friends mum's came and got me. She took me to their house, fed me and let me stay over until my parents were back. Looking back I assume she was horrified

@maymaymayI. Fairly unreasonable to leave your child for a week and not let them have anyone round .