@Blossominspring2021
But not allowing a teenager to slowly gain more responsibility as they get older is also harmful.
There is actually no correlation with the amount of ‘freedom’ given to teenagers and their maturity. And no evidence that it is harmful to go slower. Most evidence points to more responsible adults having had the most security in their child and teenagehood.
For example teenagers are more likely to become alcoholics if their parents allowed them to drink younger, or introduced alcohol in the home.
Teenagers are more likely to drink responsibly as adults, less likely to have an adverse situation with alcohol, if their parents ask them to not drink until they are at least 16.
It’s a myth that going slower results in clueless kids who are then not responsible adults.
It might feel counter intuitive. You give kids freedom and they grow up. But it’s not the case. You give kids security and they grow up is more the case.
You are wrong.
Not that your facts are wrong, but your interpretation of them is backwards.
So, those studies, which I am familiar with, say that if you do not give clear boundaries and expectations to kids, then they are more likely to do the wrog thing.
So kids who have never been told no, and who have never had any limits on screen times/bedtimes (for example) are much more likely to push the limits when it comes to drugs and alcohol when they are teens and early twenties. Why? because they did not have secure and consistant parenting when they were younger. And the studies show that it is the parenting of them as younger kids that influences their teen behaviour.
But when I talk about giving my teen independance, I am not talking about removing boundaries, in fact the exact opposite.
My teens have been brought up with clear boundaries an expectations. As a result they respect our house, know how to cook and clean and look after themselves and know what the house rules are. They have security from the 15 years of parenting already given.
You could say in fact that as a result of the clear boundaries that they have always known, that they are much more able to be independant than their peers whose mums wait on them hand and foot and treat them like kids.
Part of my parenting has been teaching independance. Contrary to your post, that does not mean taking away rules and boundaries at all. It means making them help round the house, giving them jobs and responsibility, ensuring they can cook a meal, etc etc.
Giving responsibility is not giving them wild freedom. It is teaching them, at the right pace, the tools and skills they need for adulthood.
As a consequence, when I look at my 15 year old, I can see someone who is several steps along the road to adulthood.
You have misunderstood those studies and conflated lack of boundaries with allowing independance.
They actual correlation is that firm bondaries through childhood give security which is a base from which you can teach independance to your teen.