Would you do this with your child?

[treesmight]

Would you leave 14/15 year old child alone at home for a week with food in fridge, some money and in a safe village/area? There’s a local shop with food a five minute walk away.

No definitely not

@motherloaded

A lot of adults don’t like being on their own for a week let alone a child!

I honestly wonder how some people manage to go through life.

By leaning on other people. We are social creatures and the majority of adults are not comfortable going out to the cinema even on their own.

I could happily stay on my own for weeks. However my point still stands, it’s not fair for a child to be expected to do what the majority of adults wouldn’t do.

Depends on the child, the support network around etc. I would and have left my 15 year old for a long weekend but she's very sensible and we have support near by. I probably wouldn't for a week though.

@treesmight

Would you leave 14/15 year old child alone at home for a week with food in fridge, some money and in a safe village/area? There’s a local shop with food a five minute walk away.

Absolutely not

I left home at 15 and lived almost entirely independently. Before that my parents haven’t really done anything for me for years. I was caring for a baby on my own at 17 with no help and support. I suppose that’s extreme, but we do baby children and teens an awful lot in this country. I left my 15 year old home alone for 4 days while I delivered her brother. She was fine except had left the kitchen grubby and we were expecting visitors. After a 3 day induction and then an EMCS I didn’t really enjoy cleaning the kitchen 24 hrs later some kids are super mature and almost adults at that age , some are still really impressionable and unable to care for themselves. All down to personality and parenting style. Only you know your child .

what did you do all those days? Did you not feel tempted to go off the rails or do stupid things?

just asking because my parents did this once or twice and I had massive house parties, boys round, generally doing things I shouldn't be doing etc.

And to answer whether I'd leave my kids alone for a week: not a chance IN HELL

I wouldn't leave my 15yo for a day/night let alone a week but he's Autistic and although he'd most likely be fine he is absolutely useless in an emergency.

It depends on your child though, I moved out when I was 16 and was absolutely fine.

A definite NO here. I have a 14 year old and a 16 year old and I wouldn’t leave either or both of them for one night never mind a week !

In the 90s I was left for a week when I was in the lower 6th but I had turned 17. No way at 14!!

You wouldn't leave your 16 year old for a night?

No!! 18 at the earliest for a full week.
I might leave a very sensible 15 yr old overnight, but not 14.

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

Burglaries happen just as much during the day as the middle of the night. (around here, they mainly happened during the day as people are less likely to be home, and it's just as scary for the homeowner!)

So what, you NEVER leave your 14 year old alone ever, just in case?

At least during the day the child is likely to be awake and alert and can contact a trusted adult/the police to let them know what is happening.

There have been cases of teenage children waking up with intruders in their bedrooms who are only scared off when their screams alert the rest of the household:

www.irishexaminer.com/news/courtandcrime/arid-40073555.html
www.thesun.co.uk/news/11623385/kansas-intruder-enters-home-watches-sleeping-teen-girl/

God knows what would have happened to those children if they'd been sleeping alone in the house and hadn't been able to wake their parents up quickly.

I think it's a matter of weighing risk though. Yes, if someone broke into the house and victimised the child that would be beyond awful, but the risk of it happening is very very low, and it wouldn't get less likely or less awful depending on whether the young person was 14, 16 or 18.

But not allowing a teenager to slowly gain more responsibility as they get older is also harmful. Someone who hasn't learned to respond to crises, look after their own needs or be responsible for their own environment could struggle for their whole lives. We all know people who "never cut the apron strings" who struggle with living independent lives and having healthy relationships.

No l wouldn't. I had to leave my 14yr old overnight recently as my car broke down 50miles from home but his 17yr old sister was there plus his Dad was nearly

I was regularly left at home, probably overnight at 14, weekend at 15 etc. A week with my younger brother at 16. Me and my mates also went away camping for a week at 16 unaccompanied. I went to Glastonbury with my best mate at 17. Regular sports events with older teens from the age 13. A month in Europe me and brother at 16 and 18.

You've got to grow up sometime and we were always way way safer at home. (Home was probably at more risk than us and doughnuts and Coke I realise now is not a healthy breakfast.)

We are social creatures and the majority of adults are not comfortable going out to the cinema even on their own

I doubt that.

it’s not fair for a child to be expected to do what the majority of adults wouldn’t do.

I honestly must be on another planet, do you honestly believe the majority of adults wouldn't spend a week alone?

I don't even know what to say to that...

15 year old who is responsible and knows how to contact people who could be called on in an emergency, yes I would.

what did you do all those days? Did you not feel tempted to go off the rails or do stupid things?

not more than if we were alone for an afternoon, what's the difference?

For my friends and I, we knew there would be severe consequences if we did, and we liked the freedom too much to risk it?

Parents go out in the evening, parents go out of for the day, for the weekend, for a week. No teen wants to be treated like a toddler and have to have a babysitter or tag along!

Family member lived on a private school campus where neighbouring colleagues had left a trusted 15yo daughter alone for the weekend. The girl threw an impromptu party and invited both the school rugby teams.

After midnight, things were jumping and getting rowdier by the minute, so family member rang the colleague's house phone to see if the girl needed any adult help to send people home.

Unfortunately, landline calls had thoughtfully been redirected to a parental mobile which woke the holidaying parents...

Yes my parents did that as well. But I was a very responsible and nerdy child, so managed just fine, budgeted and cooked and got myself to school. Occasionally had some friends over for tea and cake, not a wild house party. To be fair, parents offered if I wanted to stay with some aunt or neighbour, but I much preferred to be home alone.

When I was 15, I went to another European country as an exchange student. When I got there, they said the host family arrangement had fallen through, so the hosting organisation had simply rented me a flat and they also gave me some pocket money to feed myself. I didn't even have a fixed phone there, not to mention a mobile one. I was fine. I was certainly very fine when I went to university and saw many people struggling to adjust, as they had not been allowed to do anything independently until then.

OP, I wouldn't do this, but I don't think it's the leaving you alone that is the biggest problem.

It seems that you were very much "second fiddle" to your sibling and that their talent (and the nurturing thereof) was one of the most important things in your home. That must be very, very hard and has to have had an effect on how you felt about yourself and your place in the world. Leaving you alone on top of that, because you wouldn't go along with plans which revolved around your talented sibling, must have seemed like utter rejection.

I do think that just leaving you alone and going off on holiday with your sibling was a bad idea, but I think it only becomes really terrible parenting in the context of your sibling's needs and interests being the driving force behind your family life. As a matter of interest, how is your relationship with your sibling now?

Gosh, this has turned into a country of baby sitters. The last time I travelled as an unaccompanied child I was 13, from then on I travelled to Britain and back to Spain alone. I do thing a week alone is too much, a couple of days ok but no more. My mum used to go to England to visit her family and leave my brother and I when I was around 17, my brother was 14, we survived. My cousin when he was 14 was alone when his family went on holiday and he wouldn´t go. But then, we are teenagers from the 90s. You have to learn to deal with things, who you can ask for help and build resilience. I am amazed at those that say I would only leave a 14 year old for a couple of hours...what?

@theSunday

what did you do all those days? Did you not feel tempted to go off the rails or do stupid things?

just asking because my parents did this once or twice and I had massive house parties, boys round, generally doing things I shouldn't be doing etc.

And to answer whether I'd leave my kids alone for a week: not a chance IN HELL

Never, ever had a party. That was my idea of hell even as a teen. I liked my own company.

I watched TV and spent every waking hour with my pony. I did have a few sneaky fags and maybe the odd glass of wine but that was as rebellious as it got.

Absolutely not.

My parents left me home alone for 2 nights to attend a family wedding whilst I was in the midst of my GCSE exams (and being a September baby, closer to 17 than 16), and I was petrified and hated every minute of it.

I stayed in the house alone overnight from 14 and then for longer periods from 15 when my parents went away but I was a boring, sensible teenager. They didn't go abroad, so any drama they could have come back. They wanted to go away, I didn't want to go, what were they going to do, bundle me into the boot of the car?