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Original poster

Would you do this with your child?

339 replies

treesmight · 11/05/2021 11:24

Would you leave 14/15 year old child alone at home for a week with food in fridge, some money and in a safe village/area? There’s a local shop with food a five minute walk away.

OP posts:
frogsbreath · 11/05/2021 14:46

My parents did this with me, I was considerably older than other children in the family and didn't want to go to butlins in half term.

They left me some money for going out with friends and for food/buses. I spent it all on the first day 😄

I had my boyfriend round the rest of the week to eat and watch tv. It was brilliant and house was still standing when they got back.

However, I know they would never do this with my similar aged sister now. She would throw parties and then freak out when on her own. I guess it's about knowing your kid

cupsofcoffee · 11/05/2021 14:46

@Youarecountingonme

Of course not, social services would be called, and I would expect them to remove any child left overnight under the age of sixteen.
What on earth do you think social services would actually do?
me4real · 11/05/2021 14:46

That is a child. Nooo!!!

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Families
doublehalo · 11/05/2021 14:47

Same thing happened to me OP although I was a bit older. Left alone for two weeks whilst parents went on holiday to Spain.

It literally only occured to me last year how fucked up it was.

AMillionMilesAway · 11/05/2021 14:47

I wouldn't. Not because I think anything would happen to them, but they'd probably throw a party. Things would quickly get out of hand!
A week is too long, a night or maybe two, possibly, if they had people nearby.

Laiste · 11/05/2021 14:48

Should add - the reason i would not do it for one of mine is that although i was a ''sensible'' (in my mothers opinion) 15 year old who would not have trashed the house with a party, i was in fact a bit of a dark horse and went a bit wild towards the end of that week.

Halfwreckedbykids · 11/05/2021 14:49

No, not that we can go anywhere lol.
If we go for dinner we bring ours 80% of the time but they're early teens and its lovely to have a different conversation with them.
I do leave them for an hour to do the shopping but never at night.
It ll happen when it happens, there's no rush but I reckon they ll be 16 (youngest) oldest 19 at that stage. I totally trust them but they re no comfortable so it won't happen till they say so

Myglueattack · 11/05/2021 14:50

Nope!

PeanuttyButter · 11/05/2021 14:52

My parents used to leave me home alone for almost 2 weeks regularly at 15. I used to be frightened at night initially but after a few days would be fine.

CommunistLegoBloc · 11/05/2021 14:52

I think if this is historic then it's not that shocking on its own. Maybe as part of a bigger picture that your therapist is privy to though.

I was left alone at 15/16 and loved it. However I could have gone with them if I'd wanted (sounds like you could have too?) and it's clearly not a modern parenting choice anymore. But your parents aren't modern parents so...🤷

MrsFrisbyMouse · 11/05/2021 14:56

@Youarecountingonme

Of course not, social services would be called, and I would expect them to remove any child left overnight under the age of sixteen.
Seriously? What do you think happens at midnight on the eve of their 16th birthday? Are they visited by the Responsibility Fairy? And just where do you think these under 16 year olds would go? Into the care system? Because that would work out so well.

The process of becoming an adult and having autonomy for yourself doesn't happen overnight. It is a gradual process that happens over time - this is hopefully facilitated by the parenting process in terms of gradually enabling your children to take more and more responsibility for things that relate to them. The goal of parenting being to create fully functioning adults.

There is a world of difference between a parent who leaves a child who is not yet ready for that responsibility because it suits that parents needs (often selfishly as has been alluded to many times on this thread) and a parent and child working together to move through natural stages of growing up. This process is not necessarily age dependant. Some may be ready at 15, others maybe later.

There has def been a shift towards limiting the freedoms of children at all stages of their development - and I'm not sure we are doing them any favours - in fact I think we are teaching them that the world is a scary and dangerous place - and that we don't let them make mistakes and learn to be self sufficient.

So I think my answer to the OP is that there isn't one answer. In your case OP I think the fact you felt sad and abandoned means it wasn't the right thing to do in your case. But it sounds like that is more to do with the dynamics of the family relationships - as opposed to the fact your were 14/15.

SafferUpNorth · 11/05/2021 14:58

@treesmight
Your story is so sad, I am sorry you had to go through this in your childhood Flowers
What strikes me about what you've told us is that being left alone at home for a week is only the tip of the iceberg and not really the main issue.
The main thing seems to be that your parents gave your sibling amazing opportunities, - trips, classes, activities etc - because they thought of her/him as being talented, while you, by the sound of it, did not get such opportunites.... and presumably nowhere near the attention. Clearly your sibling was the golden child and you were left feeling worthless.

So very sorry. I hope your therapist can help you overcome this very deepseated sense of feeling worthless. You are worth your space on this earth, no matter what your parents led you to believe, and deserve happiness and fulfilment.

Hellcatspangle · 11/05/2021 15:00

I wouldn't leave my 15 year old alone after 8pm

Probably a bit overkill considering they can leave home at 16. My dd was babysitting other people's kids until midnight at that age (don't worry, she didn't walk home)

MassiveDiscocunt · 11/05/2021 15:01

I was still 15 when I did my O levels (old gimmer) and my parents buggered off to Spain. Admittedly, my best friend lived two doors away and came to stay so we were under the watchful eye of her parents, but still! DS2 is 15, I wouldn't consider leaving him overnight, even though he could cope with the practical side of things.

NewlyGranny · 11/05/2021 15:03

No. It's the sort of scenario that could end with emergency and social services involvement! In all probability, everything would be just fine but you'd just need to imagine a few worst-case scenarios and the accompanying headlines before deciding.

16 would be the absolute youngest I'd consider this and a lot would depend on the 16-year-old in question!

CatsArePeople · 11/05/2021 15:03

no way. My kid would most likely cope and even enjoy it, but he'd bring friends over, and I can't guarantee they wouldn't misbehave, i.e. steal something. And being abroad it means a delayed return in case something does happen.

MuminMama · 11/05/2021 15:04

No

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 11/05/2021 15:04

At that age my parents would leave me home if they went away for a weekend, and I would have my friend to stay - her parents were on hand and a 15 minute walk/five minute car journey away if anything had happened, although it never did. Any longer than a couple of nights and I would have stayed with my friend and her parents. By that age I didn't want to go away with my parents/younger sibling.

AhaShakeHeartbreak12 · 11/05/2021 15:05

No

Blossominspring2021 · 11/05/2021 15:08

No I wouldn’t. Mostly because of things they might forget like turning off the oven, their friends coming over and they might find it quite anxiety making at night on their own. A lot of adults don’t like being on their own for a week let alone a child!

Blossominspring2021 · 11/05/2021 15:10

And the fact that every time I was left alone for a week at that age, my brother had a massive party with all of his mates. Angry

motherloaded · 11/05/2021 15:11

A lot of adults don’t like being on their own for a week let alone a child!

I honestly wonder how some people manage to go through life.

Brindisi32 · 11/05/2021 15:12

Even in 2005 i think a week was too long to be left alone. Alot of things can go wrong. And, as you mention, it's lonely.

When you're growing up in households that have other priorities like a gifted sibling or marital problems some children learn and/or are encouraged to put their needs on a backburner. I think your parents took the easy route, they were blinkered and thought you'd be ok on your own whilst they encouraged your sister's development.

At that age children don't have the contrast of experiences, the verbal dexterity and the independence to say 'hold up a minute, i'm happy my sister's doing well but i don't want to traipse around academic places and i don't want to be left on my own here either. Do both of you need to go? Can i have a family holiday too?

YonderTweek · 11/05/2021 15:13

I think this used to happen a lot back in the day. My folks would regularly leave me home alone at 14-15 whilst they had weekends away or holidays. I did have an older brother around though, even though he would usually stay with his mates. I guess it depended on the kid too.

To be fair, I used to get mates round and get pissed, but we had a great time and no one went overboard. Grin

(Also I'm not from the UK and I think where I'm from kids are a bit more independent in terms of e.g. walking to/from school by themselves at 7yo and staying at home alone after school until parents finish work etc.)

Lockdownbear · 11/05/2021 15:15

Given that some people end up with babies and houses at 16, there's probably not much wrong with leaving a 15 year old home alone for a week.

In fact I think I was that age when I stayed with my pal for 5 days while her mum and dad were away. Which would have been mid 90s.

Fairly common for the time.

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