Solicitors put DH name first.

[Tullyjune]

We are buying a house. I’ve done all the conveyancing quotes in my name, I’m the only one that’s communicated with them from my personal email. I paid the deposit with my bank card.

Yet the paperwork has all come through with DHs name first. It’s not even alphabetical.

I know it’s not the end of the world and most people wouldn’t give it a second thought. But it’s pissed me off.

Just getting it off my chest.

@Hanidjed7

I've been a legal secretary/para legal for over 20yrs. We have NEVER been as busy as we are right now, and I was a para legal during the housing boom in early 00's!! The Stamp Duty holiday is killing us... I'm a secretary now but am still staying way beyond the hours I'm paid for and we are physically in the office!

We are trying to work as hard as we can in difficult circumstances, we're up against local authority staff/hmrc/LR staff all working from home (if I hear "I'm working from home so don't have that information" I think I'll throw something). Our fees are half of costs of Agents fees but no one moans about them!

My colleagues and I genuinely don't know what urgent matter to do first - I was too busy to have a lunch break and once again I had all day without going to the loo.

So... please accept my sincere apologies and those of colleagues of any unconscious bias we might have in writing to your husband not you. We must do better!!!

It could be the Case Management system also.

Your company isn’t obligated to take on more clients than it can handle. It’s pretty poor practice to do so.

Like I said before, I’ve worked as a frontline carer throughout the year and still manage to address my clients correctly. I manage not to address my female client by their husbands name and also manage to correctly enter their details into their notes. Even when working 18 hour shifts with covid positive clients.

I’m paying a lot of money to my solicitors, they could at least address me correctly. If they are too busy to do that correctly I’d rather they told me so I can go elsewhere. I don’t want over stretched stressed out people dealing with the most important transaction of my life.

I can't actually believe that this is something people get upset about??

Wow. Just wow.

Just he grateful you're having correspondence from your solicitor. We are buying a house and I wouldn't care if they put a baboons name first as long as we are hearing something!

@AlexaNeverListens

I can't actually believe that this is something people get upset about??

Wow. Just wow.

Because we are fed up with being second class to our DHs.

I am an individual’s in my own right who has spent days researching and communicating with various mortgage people, estate agents and conveyancers. I’ve paid money from my bank account yet they default to my DH? The only reason to do this is because they see him as more important because he is a man.

How does that not bother some people?

I went to a Ford dealership to buy myself a new car. The salesman told me to come back with my dh.
I told him I had no intention of coming back at all after that remark.

I often address a female first at work if they are my first point of contact.

Dear Rachel and Mark, for example. My pitman trained secretary tells me off! But it still goes out my way.

@ballsdeep

Just he grateful you're having correspondence from your solicitor. We are buying a house and I wouldn't care if they put a baboons name first as long as we are hearing something!

Thank you. Not every one is loon with too much time to on their hands to worry who we address first.

@ballsdeep

Just he grateful you're having correspondence from your solicitor. We are buying a house and I wouldn't care if they put a baboons name first as long as we are hearing something!

Well it’s only day one, the day they take my money! I’m not holding my breath now I’ve heard how busy and stressed they all are! I’ve already been given an estimated completion of 24 weeks!

@AlexaNeverListens

I can't actually believe that this is something people get upset about??

Wow. Just wow.

And I don't understand why people don't get annoyed by this.

It's yet another example of everyday sexism.

@Hanidjed7 how incredibly rude to call me a “loon with too much time on my hands”

I work INCREDIBLY hard looking after the most vulnerable people in society. It’s a shame you’ve resulted to insults and name calling (insinuating I have mental health problems) just because I am annoyed with everyday sexism. And it’s not just a problem now because of the stamp duty holiday. Many people on this thread have commented saying it’s happened to them in the past and across various industries.

I totally agree with you OP, and I would also pick them up on it.

Also, thank you for posting this here and hopefully making a few other people think about it and speak up.

Honestly, the way women’s rights are going at the moment, we need to pick up on everything from small to big otherwise we really are in danger of going backwards.

I do remember many moons ago sitting down in an estate agents to register , looking at houses with my exh. I was the major breadwinner, and dealt with them , and spoke (my exh was totally incapable and left me to do all dealings of any kind!) - and they started putting my husband’s name first as lead. I stopped them (I can’t remember if it was a male or female estate agent ) but I do recall saying ‘why are you putting my husband as first applicant - please put me ‘ and they stared at me and I did an even harder Paddington stare back . They put me down first in the end ! But I could see they really didn’t want to. Tough shit

Yep, I have had this from a mortgage company, removals company, holiday company and the National Trust (to put the cherry on the cake, the latter then wouldn't take my call to sort it out 'because I wasn't the account holder '.

However, if you'd getting several quotes, it's an excellent way of deciding which to accept! I mean, if they don't write down the customer's name properly, what else are they going to get wrong...

@Doghead

Jesus christ! Have you any idea how busy and under pressure conveyancing solicitors are at the moment given the Stamp Duty holiday? Give them a break and stop being so petty and needy.

So accuracy isn’t important? Or common courtesy? 😳

This exact thing happened when we were buying our house, even though I don’t think DP ever spoke to the estate agent or solicitor. I found it infuriating.

One that really gets me thought is any communication from our water company, it’s hideous.
Probably compounded by the fact that DP and I are not married.
I’d also like to point out that DP has never had any communication with them either.

Assume our names are, hypothetically, Mr F W & Miss M L. The water company sends letters addressed “Mr & Miss F & M W & L” - god it grinds my gears everytime we get a letter.

This happened to us too - I did all the communication, provided all the documents etc, and the solicitors/mortgage company/estate agents all put DH's name first...and my title isn't even Mrs it's Dr but still the man had to come first in their eyes!

Similar happened to me booking our honeymoon. I dealt with the travel agent alone for months, we booked everything on my credit card because my husband doesn't have one (he's crap with money so doesn't want one), all hotels and excursions for the trip. She put my husband's name as the main name for the booking. Caused endless hassle checking into hotels because they wanted the card details of the main guest, but he didn't have a card and I of course had mine ready because I had bloody booked it all! I didn't take his name so we didn't even have the same last name to persuade them with. Patriarchy bullshit.

@Tullyjune

There may be bigger issues in the world, but are some of those issues the gender pay gap? Low rape conviction rates? FGM? Abortion legislation? All things perpetuated by a patriarchal society in which women are less important than men.

Yes!!

And 'bigger issues' is no excuse to ignore smaller issues. How odd that people use this as a defence!

@GeorgiaGirl52

Because it is Mr. and Mrs. NOT Mrs. and Mr.

Er, why? This is not a legal requirement you know.

It's not everyday sexism! Someone on the party has to be 1st, why the should it be the woman? Why the man?
Some will want letter addressed to man and some to the woman - my husband isn't bothered about some paperwork we get but some stuff he does, I'm not bothered about some paperwork he gets.
But please stop with the line It's sexist! And please only complain to your Solicitor if you've specifically asked for it one way and it comes wrong.
I can't change Case Management as it's for whole firm and most clients are OK with Mr first- especially elderly probate clients.

@emilyfrost

You’re being silly. It doesn’t matter.

Complaining about something like this puts women in a bad light; you’re doing us a disservice by embarrassing us over small non-issues.

No, you're embarrassing us by assuming that small 'non-issues' don't matter.

@Hanidjed7

It's not everyday sexism! Someone on the party has to be 1st, why the should it be the woman? Why the man? Some will want letter addressed to man and some to the woman - my husband isn't bothered about some paperwork we get but some stuff he does, I'm not bothered about some paperwork he gets. But please stop with the line It's sexist! And please only complain to your Solicitor if you've specifically asked for it one way and it comes wrong. I can't change Case Management as it's for whole firm and most clients are OK with Mr first- especially elderly probate clients.

It absolutely is sexism if all the correspondence, contact and payment has been with one person and your organisation chooses to address another person purely because he's male.

And if your case management system is set up to default to the male name then whoever set that system up is sexist. Plain and simple.

It's not everyday sexism! Someone on the party has to be 1st, why the should it be the woman? Why the man?

Why use gender at all? Why not alphabetical?

Handi - it’s the very definition of everyday sexism. So much that you can’t even see that it’s an issue that the man is the primary and the woman the second ‘other’. If it was genuinely random and some firms put the man first and the woman second then fine. But it isn’t - it always the man for ‘serious’ correspondence and the woman for childcare, children, cleaning type stuff!

Ugh. Exactly the same when we’ve bought each of the houses we’ve lived in. My husband couldn’t even tell you who the mortgage is with, yet on every official document his name comes first.

Another similar situation was when we (I) were getting quotes for new windows. Two companies told me they wouldn’t come to quote unless my husband was there so they ‘wouldn’t have to explain everything twice’.

Can imagine how furious I was and both companies got a full dressing down and not a penny of my money or a minute of my time 😠😠