Solicitors put DH name first.

[Tullyjune]

We are buying a house. I’ve done all the conveyancing quotes in my name, I’m the only one that’s communicated with them from my personal email. I paid the deposit with my bank card.

Yet the paperwork has all come through with DHs name first. It’s not even alphabetical.

I know it’s not the end of the world and most people wouldn’t give it a second thought. But it’s pissed me off.

Just getting it off my chest.

@PerditaMacleod

Yep, I started a very similar thread recently!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4186562-Emails-from-solicitor

I was going to complain and then the next email I got from the solicitor, he didn't do it. It was like he'd heard me slagging him for it!

It seems quite common with solicitors. I wonder if the profession is still a bit “old boys club”?

I've had worse.
I sold MY property, bought a new place jointly with exDH, arsehole solicitor sent a cheque for the balance solely in arsehole's name.

Meant to read "DH arsehole's name"

It's been like this forever (unfortunately)

Just tell them to put your name first

It's not difficult

YANBU OP.

It's pulling people up on things like this that make these little, constant, wearing acts of sexism too uncomfortable for the doers to persist with. Call them out, and get it changed.

Oh I've had this when I've taken my car to have work done, I drive a big 4x4 and the man kept speaking to my husband - who to be fair said "I dunno mate, it's my wife's car she knows!“ It was booked under my bloody name not his!

Yawn.

We had an extra special version of this. My husband has a very uncommon name and I’ve taken his surname.
The solicitor managed “dear surname first name (husband) and first name same surname (me).

So casual racism and sexism, or stupidity/lack of care?
(He also frequently called me darling and signed off with smiley faces)

I live with my disabled adult son. He’s 21. I get letters from the Lib Dems to Mr DS Surname and Mrs Susannah Surname. I’m not even married!

It’s as if we are still in 1821 not 2021. Really pisses me off.
Do you live in Yorkshire by any chance? I’ve a rare model of the enlightened Yorkshire man who can’t understand why other men do these things.

When I worked at a solicitors we had a case management software where we entered the clients names on opening the file. After that, all correspondence automatically came up with whatever order we'd entered a couples name in. Even emails generated a template with the names already in there. I can't say I ever made a conscious decision to enter the man's name first and I was never told to, it's just the way I did it.

Jesus christ! Have you any idea how busy and under pressure conveyancing solicitors are at the moment given the Stamp Duty holiday? Give them a break and stop being so petty and needy.

I should add that the people opening the files were the secretaries, not the solicitors.

I booked flights recently and added myself as lead passenger, paid for the flights on my credit card and used my email address.

Every single email I get from them is addressed to my husband.

This pissed me off too with my last remortgage, I bought my house then married dh and added him to the morgage/ deeds. The bastards put him first despite all of the original paperwork being me first.

Just remortgaged with NatWest they have an applicant 1 and applicant2 system ( I did the paperwork so I'm first 😁).

In some instances it can matter when the one of the building societies floated it was only the first named person who received shares.

I had a similar issue with the carpet shop this week.... I did all of the transaction but they addressed the bill to dh, I didn't forget to pay on purpose but I'm not sorry ( have paid now but will be giving feedback)!

Because Mr and Mrs is traditional and easier to say than Mrs and Mr, most people would write Mr first. But I understand why in your circumstances it would be annoying,

@Doghead

Jesus christ! Have you any idea how busy and under pressure conveyancing solicitors are at the moment given the Stamp Duty holiday? Give them a break and stop being so petty and needy.

They are not doing it for free or as a public service.

I gave them £400 today and they can’t even be bothered to address me directly? It doesn’t take anytime whatsoever to acknowledge who’s actually instructed them rather than defaulting to my DH.

We’ve all been under pressure, I work in adult social care and have been under extreme pressure for a year - yet I still manage to correctly address and name all my clients. It’s not hard.

Hear hear @Tullyjune

Ugh this gives me the rage!!

I had this exact same thing happen when we moved house. I did ALL the work. Still letters addressed to DH & Peas. I am so hate when things are addressed to “Mr & Mrs DH first name surname name”. I mean WTAF. I am more than just “Mrs DH name”. I did change my name when we married but I still have a separate first name!

Incidentally I have had the same problem with the national trust when I bought membership and with another organisation where I was a member for years. When I added DH on to my membership everything suddenly came addressed to him. Still does despite my asking them to change it. It makes me more angry than it probably should. Bloody patriarchy!

@emilyfrost

Curious how it puts all women in a bad light?

Because complaining about this makes feminism look silly, as though it’s just little women moaning about non issues. Which you are doing.

Bullshit.

Sexism will never go away if we ignore the small things, precisely because it's these small things that keep feeding the unconscious sexism displayed by so many idiots.

It's not a non-issue while men are still being put first, even when they havve no involvement.

It is definitely sexism because people will always put the husband name first on mortgages, deeds, contracts and without fail they will always put the mother name first on everything to do with children- so the school, the doctor, any clubs.

So the argument that it’s just chance that man is listed first falls flat because women get listed first and contacted first when it’s something involving a child. It’s 100% deliberate.

I hate this too.

This pissed me off too, everything from the bank, financial advisor and other party solicitors was addressed to him then me, even though I was the lead applicant as the higher earner and was the one selling my property and providing most of the deposit for our house. The only one who didn't do it was our conveyancer, a woman.
When we got married we both changed names, no institution or company ever asked why I was doing it, but a number questioned why he was, or good old HSBC (do you know how long you need the bridge certificate because my husband needs to take the original to his bank too) 'ha ha but why would you husband have to change his name because you got married'. I told the mid twenties male advisor that penis didn't equal privilege in our house and he hadn't questioned why I was changing mine, cue deep red blushes and a grin from his female colleague.
They seem like minor things to challenge or complain about, but it's the drip drip assumptions, inequalities and micro-aggressions that reinforce women as being in a 'less than' position in society and big changes are never going to happen while that's still prevalent even at a subconscious level.

@PlanDeRaccordement yep always my number called first by nursery even though I also work full time.... It's ok for me to come first then!

@PlanDeRaccordement

It is definitely sexism because people will always put the husband name first on mortgages, deeds, contracts and without fail they will always put the mother name first on everything to do with children- so the school, the doctor, any clubs.

So the argument that it’s just chance that man is listed first falls flat because women get listed first and contacted first when it’s something involving a child. It’s 100% deliberate.

Yep. We purposely put DHs contact details first on all school documentation- guess who gets phoned first??