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Original poster

Solicitors put DH name first.

452 replies

Tullyjune · 07/05/2021 18:26

We are buying a house. I’ve done all the conveyancing quotes in my name, I’m the only one that’s communicated with them from my personal email. I paid the deposit with my bank card.

Yet the paperwork has all come through with DHs name first. It’s not even alphabetical.

I know it’s not the end of the world and most people wouldn’t give it a second thought. But it’s pissed me off.

Just getting it off my chest.

OP posts:
Tambora · 07/05/2021 21:03

@emilyfrost

You’re being silly. It doesn’t matter.

Complaining about something like this puts women in a bad light; you’re doing us a disservice by embarrassing us over small non-issues.

Yes it does matter. It matters a lot.

The OP has been dealing with all correspondence with the solicitor. Yet when it comes to official documents, instead of putting the name of the main contact first (the person who actually paid the deposit), they put the other party's name first instead.

The solicitor did not ask which name to put first, they assumed. And they assumed that it would not be the OP, with whom they have been dealing. No, they assumed that her husband's name should go first.

Why did they feel the need to do that? What possible reason would there be? Other than institutionalised sexism of course.

If it had been a same-sex couple, whose name do you think the solicitor would have put first in that situation?

Mhc19 · 07/05/2021 21:07

Are you getting a mortgage and if so, does your husband earn more than you?

CornishGem1975 · 07/05/2021 21:09

Maybe I am too accepting of everyday sexism but I honestly wouldn't have even noticed Hmm

Hanidjed7 · 07/05/2021 21:11

I'm out. I'm sorry.
This is the epitome of daft.

I don't care if it's me or my husband first. Most couples don't care!
Only here on Mumsnet.

In life's issues, it's not a biggie.

Original poster
Tullyjune · 07/05/2021 21:14

@Mhc19

Are you getting a mortgage and if so, does your husband earn more than you?
They have no details of our income yet, but they may have assumed my husband is the main earner.
OP posts:
DelBocaVista · 07/05/2021 21:15

@Hanidjed7

I'm out. I'm sorry. This is the epitome of daft.

I don't care if it's me or my husband first. Most couples don't care!
Only here on Mumsnet.

In life's issues, it's not a biggie.

Actually most women I know in real life get pissed off at everyday sexism.
EastWestWhosBest · 07/05/2021 21:22

I had this when we bought our first house. It was 20 years ago and all the forms were on paper. I put myself down in the bits for person one and dh as person two. When we went in to sign some paperwork they asked us what our relationship was. They couldn’t work it out. Bear in mind I’m Mrs Best and dh is Mr Best. They thought we were siblings some how because that was the only way they could imagine that my name would be first.

It does matter. And no one can tell me that a firm is so damn busy yet they have the time to look at a form, decide on the sex of the two people and switch over their details.

EastWestWhosBest · 07/05/2021 21:24

@Hanidjed7

I'm out. I'm sorry. This is the epitome of daft.

I don't care if it's me or my husband first. Most couples don't care!
Only here on Mumsnet.

In life's issues, it's not a biggie.

But it’s not a case of taking one persons details first, it’s actively changing the order that the couple have used because they think the man should be first.

If I’d put him down first then I wouldn’t care. When I’m filling out the form and put me down first I don’t want someone else to change it because I have a vagina.

longtompot · 07/05/2021 21:24

@GeorgiaGirl52

Because it is Mr. and Mrs. NOT Mrs. and Mr.
Better tell my bank as it's my name first and then my husbands on our letters and statements ie Mrs Longtompot and Mr Longtompot

But your are right to be pissed off op. I'd contact them about it and get it changed.

flashylamp · 07/05/2021 21:30

It's not everyday sexism! Someone on the party has to be 1st, why the should it be the woman? Why the man?

It should be OP be sue OP is the one who is dealing with the contact.

sergeilavrov · 07/05/2021 21:32

Bloody annoying, and sexist. These types of things being brushed over is part of the problem. The worst is when they know you don’t share a surname, yet insist on you being called Mrs Putin, rather than Dr Lavrov as per all of my communication.

It does matter when they eventually cut off one person in the address, my poor mum was unable to show proof of address because companies kept doing that: she lost sleep over the fear of being deported.

Cocopogo · 07/05/2021 21:33

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss I’m guessing you’re a man because it most certainly would register with most women. We are sick of this sexist bullshit.

flashylamp · 07/05/2021 21:34

@GeorgiaGirl52

Because it is Mr. and Mrs. NOT Mrs. and Mr.

'Because it is' Confused

Rainbowqueeen · 07/05/2021 21:35

I’d raise it and yes it would annoy me too.
You’re doing the work, you deserve the recognition

Mhc19 · 07/05/2021 21:42

If you are getting a mortgage and if your husband does earn more then that could be why. Your solicitor doesn't need to have your mortgage offer to know this, there's online systems some lenders use. If there's a mortgage lender then the higher earner is named first and it's good practise to do the same with the contract, TR1 etc. Its therefore sometimes easier to keep all correspondence the same.

Figmentofimagination · 07/05/2021 21:44

@TinToms

Mine put me as Miss instead of Ms on some forms, I specifically asked for them to be changed and he said oh it doesn't matter they don't use your title anyway. It's now on the mortgage, it's on the statements, it's on the contracts, it might even be on the deeds. I am more annoyed about it than I care to admit!
@TinToms it won't be on the title register at the land registry. They don't use titles unless specifically requested.
Original poster
Tullyjune · 07/05/2021 21:48

@Mhc19

If you are getting a mortgage and if your husband does earn more then that could be why. Your solicitor doesn't need to have your mortgage offer to know this, there's online systems some lenders use. If there's a mortgage lender then the higher earner is named first and it's good practise to do the same with the contract, TR1 etc. Its therefore sometimes easier to keep all correspondence the same.
We don’t have a mortgage yet. But regardless we earn very similar amounts, depending on overtime I may slightly out earn him. But they don’t know this as our mortgage application isn’t in yet.
OP posts:
imisscashmere · 07/05/2021 21:49

Challenge them!

My good friend recently challenged the same situation. Things will only change if we make them change.

Tabitha005 · 07/05/2021 21:52

I did all the paperwork connected with the purchase of our house and our conveyancer was female - she always put my name first. Whether that was intentional or not, I don't know, but I noticed it the very first time.

Whatpaint · 07/05/2021 22:02

@hallamoo

I hate this too. Years ago when DH and I got a joint bank account, it was easier to add him to my existing account as all the DD's (for my house, in my name, that he moved into) were already set up from my account.

Fuckers added him name to my account, that I had with them for over 20 years and put his name first!

I made them change it.

Yep same here. It took about three attempts for them to actually change it to my name first. I am not normally too bothered but it really got my goat and I wasn’t letting it go.

When we got married we both changed names, my bank were fine. His bank wanted a deed poll document for him, I told them that was sexist. Eventually they had to concede it was and changed his account name with the marriage certificate.

BeautifulandWilfulandDead · 07/05/2021 22:06

Urgh, I had this six months ago when buying and selling. I dealt with absolutely all the correspondence, yet received emails sent to both of us, addressed to OH, with attached correspondence addressed to 'Mr and Mrs John Smith'. I complained vigorously, and they didn't do it again.

Martinisarebetterdirty · 07/05/2021 22:08

Just because there are bigger things to worry about doesn’t mean we should let everyday sexism go. It’s appalling. And quite frankly if a firm is too busy to be professional and get it right then how can you trust them to do their conveyancing properly.

MisfitNotMissFit · 07/05/2021 22:09

I'm with you - so arranged everything with BT when we moved and yet it was all put in my ex-husband's name. Now I can't get them to bloody change it even though he hasn't lived here for over two years and the money has always come out of my account. If I want the account t closed down I need to get his permission and will be issued with a new number. Bloody ridiculous. Sort it out now, just in case circumstances change and you can't later.

Rainydays14 · 07/05/2021 22:10

I agree with you @Tullyjune, I’d find that very annoying. I own a business jointly with my husband, and on several business related meetings, the person talking to us (bank managers etc) invariably address my husband first. We had one meeting where if I asked a question, they replied to my husband, and it drove me nuts. It was a company we were seriously considering dealing with, and this meeting meant we never did. Although DH and I have equal responsibilities within the day to day running of the business, the financial aspect has always been my thing, he is better with HR type things.

Small things, but important.

RedcurrantPuff · 07/05/2021 22:11

I hear you too.

We are remortgaging and because my husband is on furlough it’s all been approved based only on my salary. But yet all the documents have his name first. Yes I know someone has to come first but why is it always the man.