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Original poster

Solicitors put DH name first.

452 replies

Tullyjune · 07/05/2021 18:26

We are buying a house. I’ve done all the conveyancing quotes in my name, I’m the only one that’s communicated with them from my personal email. I paid the deposit with my bank card.

Yet the paperwork has all come through with DHs name first. It’s not even alphabetical.

I know it’s not the end of the world and most people wouldn’t give it a second thought. But it’s pissed me off.

Just getting it off my chest.

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 07/05/2021 18:58

You’re being silly. It doesn’t matter.

Complaining about something like this puts women in a bad light; you’re doing us a disservice by embarrassing us over small non-issues.

Youdontknowwhatyoureonabout · 07/05/2021 18:59

I suppose Mr & Mrs rolls off the tongue better than Mrs & Mr so it’s automatic.
Contact them and ask them to change it.

Original poster
Tullyjune · 07/05/2021 18:59

@Figmentofimagination

I agree. I'm the one dealing with everything to do with our house sale. I take all the phone calls and it's my email that everything is sent to. My email address is my name (e.g FO_imagination@yahoo). When the Estate Agent contacted some conveyancers for me for quotes, 2 of them sent me the quotes addressed to Mr Imagination or Mr F Imagination. Straight away I'd discounted them as they hadn't even bothered to read the information from the Estate Agent that said I was a Mrs (I queried it with the EA)
Yeah my email (which is the only email contact they have) is Tully.june@email it’s so annoying.
OP posts:
OnASwankyMarleyPond · 07/05/2021 18:59

Ugh, I’m with you OP, it’s immensely pissy.

I organised 3 firms, by phone and confirmation email, to come round to quote for insulation and was the point of contact on each visit from each firm. When each of those quotes came back they were either to Mr Swanky or Mr and Mrs Swanky.

God knows why, Mr Swanky isn’t paying for it 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Tullyjune · 07/05/2021 19:01

@Youdontknowwhatyoureonabout

I suppose Mr & Mrs rolls off the tongue better than Mrs & Mr so it’s automatic. Contact them and ask them to change it.
But they aren’t using titles so “Richard June and Anna June” is no easier to say than “Anna June and Richard June”
OP posts:
Wishihadanalgorithm · 07/05/2021 19:02

These dinosaurs should be called out on it every bloody time! In fact, if they can’t figure out who they are working with I’d be tempted to find someone else.

Original poster
Tullyjune · 07/05/2021 19:02

@emilyfrost

You’re being silly. It doesn’t matter.

Complaining about something like this puts women in a bad light; you’re doing us a disservice by embarrassing us over small non-issues.

Curious how it puts all women in a bad light?

Why would it be a problem to change the order of names?

OP posts:
DelBocaVista · 07/05/2021 19:03

@emilyfrost

You’re being silly. It doesn’t matter.

Complaining about something like this puts women in a bad light; you’re doing us a disservice by embarrassing us over small non-issues.

The small issues add up to big issues eventually. It's Important to challenge all forms of sexism.
TinToms · 07/05/2021 19:03

Mine put me as Miss instead of Ms on some forms, I specifically asked for them to be changed and he said oh it doesn't matter they don't use your title anyway. It's now on the mortgage, it's on the statements, it's on the contracts, it might even be on the deeds. I am more annoyed about it than I care to admit!

LavendulaAngustifolia · 07/05/2021 19:04

Yep. My name is the tenancy holder for the property we rent. Dh's name is only on the document as an occupier not the person responsible for paying the bill and yet the estate agents still addresses to him first.

PearlHart · 07/05/2021 19:06

It was exactly the same with us when we moved house. I was the only one the solicitor had had contact with but all correspondence was addressed to Mr & Mrs Frank Hart. I didn't even get my initial on there. Incredibly annoying, especially since I'm Dr Pearl Hart! But can a woman be a doctor when her husband is only a mister? Oh no- know your place woman!

Original poster
Tullyjune · 07/05/2021 19:14

@PearlHart

It was exactly the same with us when we moved house. I was the only one the solicitor had had contact with but all correspondence was addressed to Mr & Mrs Frank Hart. I didn't even get my initial on there. Incredibly annoying, especially since I'm Dr Pearl Hart! But can a woman be a doctor when her husband is only a mister? Oh no- know your place woman!
I bet not many letters go out addressed to Dr and Mr Surname Angry
OP posts:
emilyfrost · 07/05/2021 19:15

Curious how it puts all women in a bad light?

Because complaining about this makes feminism look silly, as though it’s just little women moaning about non issues. Which you are doing.

Babygotblueyes · 07/05/2021 19:15

why should it not be mrs and mr?

DelBocaVista · 07/05/2021 19:15

@emilyfrost

Curious how it puts all women in a bad light?

Because complaining about this makes feminism look silly, as though it’s just little women moaning about non issues. Which you are doing.

Women! Know your place!!!
OllyBJolly · 07/05/2021 19:16

Yep -pissed me off.

XH and I split. I got the house (negative equity and no means to pay mortgage but hey ho) but for some reason I can’t remember we kept the endowment policies in both our names (life insurance?). When the building societies mutualised, he was sent the cheques. I did not see any of that money although by that time I was making all the payments and he was earning 4x what I was.

I tried to challenge them. The societies answer was “That’s policy” and the XH “Cheques were made out to me”.

Roominmyhouse · 07/05/2021 19:17

I wouldn’t complain as such but I’d definitely comment on it. We need to challenge things like this!

MouseholeCat · 07/05/2021 19:18

We've had a ton of issues like this with our house and mortgage (in the US). I'm the primary applicant with the higher salary and we're jointly vested. I'm much better at financial stuff and firmly had the reigns through the process.

Yet when the deed came, my husband's name was first. Then when the Home Owners Association started sending through mail, it's only addressed to my husband. I never get sent junk mail offers for mortgages, they have all gone to my husband (actually, that's less annoying but still sexist AF).

It really makes me see red.

Ribeebie · 07/05/2021 19:18

This would piss me off too.

Tiredmum100 · 07/05/2021 19:19

I had exactly the same thing this week, except the letter addressed to us said to Mr and Mrs DH-intial surname, from the solicitor 😡

WeatherwaxOn · 07/05/2021 19:19

I'd have to go back to them and make them correct it. If he had been the main point of contact, or if his name was alphabetically first, then fair enough. This isn't the case from what you say, so it's pure entrenched pointless sexism.

Original poster
Tullyjune · 07/05/2021 19:20

@emilyfrost

Curious how it puts all women in a bad light?

Because complaining about this makes feminism look silly, as though it’s just little women moaning about non issues. Which you are doing.

I am going to ask them to address documents to me first. How is that moaning? What if my DH contacted them and asked to be point of contact, would that be making men look bad?
OP posts:
PoTheDog · 07/05/2021 19:22

@emilyfrost

Curious how it puts all women in a bad light?

Because complaining about this makes feminism look silly, as though it’s just little women moaning about non issues. Which you are doing.

Sorry, but this is total bullshit.
ramonaquimby · 07/05/2021 19:24

Maybe emilyfrost is a man 😂

PerditaMacleod · 07/05/2021 19:25

Yep, I started a very similar thread recently!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4186562-Emails-from-solicitor

I was going to complain and then the next email I got from the solicitor, he didn't do it. It was like he'd heard me slagging him for it!