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Original poster

Solicitors put DH name first.

452 replies

Tullyjune · 07/05/2021 18:26

We are buying a house. I’ve done all the conveyancing quotes in my name, I’m the only one that’s communicated with them from my personal email. I paid the deposit with my bank card.

Yet the paperwork has all come through with DHs name first. It’s not even alphabetical.

I know it’s not the end of the world and most people wouldn’t give it a second thought. But it’s pissed me off.

Just getting it off my chest.

OP posts:
NavigatingAdolescence · 09/05/2021 12:04

@DinoHat

I also prefer to refer to female clients of unknown marriage status as Ms but that's come back and bit me in the ass by both clients and colleagues, so I'm starting to give up.

I hate that women have to divulge so much about their martial status when it’s completely unnecessary to do so and would prefer Mr and Ms across the board. But then a pp didn’t like that, so there is no fixed rule that suits everyone.

On the basis of this thread I’m edging towards switching Ms for Mx.

Fuck this sexism in 2021.

DinoHat · 09/05/2021 12:11

On the basis of this thread I’m edging towards switching Ms for Mx.

I’d be up for that.

My salutation doesn’t actually assist in identifying me, it only provides irrelevant information to others.

NavigatingAdolescence · 09/05/2021 12:20

I genuinely hate them.

DinoHat · 09/05/2021 12:48

@EastWestWhosBest

I do this with clients, someone’s name has to come first and if I always put the mans first I know where to look first when I’m looking for their file, this is especially true where they have different surnames.

So it isn’t the computer system then?
And computers don’t decide things on their own. They have to be programmed to do things a certain way.

I don’t understand why filing something with the man’s name first is easier.

Just to clear up your query - there will be an electronic and paper file that run concurrently. Land Registration docs are paper based, but those together with client letters etc will be generated by a CMS system. Some will need to be stored hard copy (Land Registry requires wet ink signatures, or atleast requires you collect wet ink signatures).
Liliolla · 09/05/2021 13:02

This reply has been deleted

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G5000 · 09/05/2021 13:30

Write it on the clients files / type into CMS. If you don’t use computers inscribe it with a slate pencil onto your slate

Grin
TurquoiseDragon · 09/05/2021 13:57

@Lovetoridemybicycle

I have a homecare agreement with British Gas. I took it out, it's my email, my phone number and my direct debit from my personal bank account. At some point in the last few years they moved it to my husband's name (we bought gas from them for a while-so I guess they linked it some how). He has never had any contact with them on the home care agreement. I have complained but they won't change it back without his permission. Their biggest issue was to check that he still resides in the property. After calling then a bunch of misogynists , I ashamed to say I gave up, partly cause they've been so shit, so I'm cancelling it anyway.
But they changed it without your permission, so they should be able to change it back without his permission.
WeatherwaxOn · 09/05/2021 15:54

@Lovetoridemybicycle

I have a homecare agreement with British Gas. I took it out, it's my email, my phone number and my direct debit from my personal bank account. At some point in the last few years they moved it to my husband's name (we bought gas from them for a while-so I guess they linked it some how). He has never had any contact with them on the home care agreement. I have complained but they won't change it back without his permission. Their biggest issue was to check that he still resides in the property. After calling then a bunch of misogynists , I ashamed to say I gave up, partly cause they've been so shit, so I'm cancelling it anyway.
Because I am (possibly) petty, I would ask them to produce evidence that I had asked them to change the account name, or evidence that my husband had. If they were unable to do so then I would imply that they had acted without consent in changing it, and should change it back immediately.
ImpassiveVoice · 09/05/2021 16:17

@TinToms

Mine put me as Miss instead of Ms on some forms, I specifically asked for them to be changed and he said oh it doesn't matter they don't use your title anyway. It's now on the mortgage, it's on the statements, it's on the contracts, it might even be on the deeds. I am more annoyed about it than I care to admit!
What he meant was "it doesn't matter to me". It pisses me off too.
WeatherwaxOn · 09/05/2021 18:53

Some years ago my uncle died. The telephone bill was set up as Mr.X Surname & Mrs. Y Surname (so, Uncle & Aunt). As Aunt was in early stage dementia and I had POA, I rang the telecomms company to ask to change the account to her name only, or me POA her.
They apparently couldn't do that without his authorisation...

BackAwayFatty · 09/05/2021 19:01

I was In the exact same position 18 months ago & it really grated on me. They mentioned my other half having a better credit score so his name went first. Not sure if it's try but very annoying when all he did was sign a form that I told him to sign 😂

Svalberg · 09/05/2021 19:14

This reminds me of the time, long ago, when DC were in primary school. exDH was the primary contact as I was away on business an awful lot. The school rang me as DC2 had a headache, without ringing exDH first. It was 4am in California, where I was, and tbh there was very little that I could do from there... they certainly were aware of my feelings after that!

Boood · 09/05/2021 19:15

@20viona

Yawn.
You are just SO COOL! EVERYBODY! Look how cool this poster is, they are bored by women expecting to be treated with respect!
FTEngineerM · 09/05/2021 19:28

I have no say over my workplaces software package.

You’re representing the company name, again you can remove yourself if you like but you are the point of contact.

Funny because I did work for a utility for almost a decade and people did complain about our system, I knew where to direct that complaint though to see remedial action if necessary.

Seems you don’t.

HeavyHeidi · 09/05/2021 19:44

They mentioned my other half having a better credit score so his name went first.

There's always some kind of an excuse.

  • oh, he has a better credit score.
no he doesn't -his salary is higher -no it isn't
  • his name is simply first alphabetically.
  • nope
  • well he was the main contact
  • no, all me
  • ok fine fine, it's the penis. Nothing we can do, that's the way the system was set up and nobody can ever change anything. Don't you have anything better to worry about?
OllyBJolly · 10/05/2021 16:56

ok fine fine, it's the penis

And in our case, that penis brought its six figure earning owner a cheque for £8k while the non penis haver who actually paid the bloody endowment policy got nothing. You are so right @HeavyHeidi !

Original poster
Tullyjune · 10/05/2021 17:32

In positive news, I’ve just had an email from the mortgage administrator and she put my name first in the email and has listed me as applicant 1 on the application. Thank you Vanessa.

OP posts:
Roboticcarrot · 10/05/2021 17:34

That's good, they asked up off the bat and explained the difference in person 1 and person 2, it only took them a few minutes if that so surely all of them can.

wonkylegs · 10/05/2021 18:16

@AnnaBegins I'm afraid my profession is still extremely sexist and old fashioned and that extends to the professionals in it not just the system.
However a bit of courtesy and attention to detail goes a long way and often wins me work. I won a job the other day as the wife was more comfortable with me and felt I had listened and paid attention to her concerns , she felt that meant she was more able to work with me than the other architect that had bid even though I was more expensive.

StCharlotte · 10/05/2021 19:01

As I said above, I do it because it's not technically wrong and because I'm old school and, even though I am - and have always been - the higher earner, it doesn't bother me one iota when letters are addressed to us as Mr & Mrs. It's not a hill I'm prepared to die on. Although I understand for some it's the thin end of the wedge, to me it's not even on the wedge.

It's only my opinion. By definition it isn't right or wrong. I respect people's right to have a different one and would ask for the same.

I'm not in conveyancing any more, I'm in wills and probate now so most files are in the name of one person...

Incidentally our case management system certainly allows for variation. The box for salutation has to be manually populated so we can put what we like.

But you know what? In several decades of doing this job, not once have I been asked to change the order of salutation.

G5000 · 11/05/2021 05:50

It might not be technically wrong to always replace your main client with her husband as Client 1, but it is sexist.

TurquoiseDragon · 11/05/2021 08:51

For those grumbling about sexist double glazing salesmen wanting husbands to be present, I totally agree with you.

But it's usually related to them wanting you both there so they can hard sell by removing the option of "I can't agree until I've talked to my spouse". Men do get asked for their wives to be present, although I think this is a little less common.

SerendipityJane · 11/05/2021 10:07

Men do get asked for their wives to be present, although I think this is a little less common.

Also most men aren't likely to think too much about such a request ....

Hanidjed7 · 11/05/2021 20:02

@EastWestWhosBest

I would consider deviating from previous practice if it’s appropriate to do so (in some instances I anticipate clients might refer to themselves as Mr and Mrs and in such an instance they wouldn’t mind)

I don’t mind being Mr and Mrs. I very much mind when I fill my form in as buyer one and someone decided that I can’t possibly be buyer one as I have a vagina and puts me on the system in second place because first place is reserved for penis havers.

And as for all the women saying it’s a silly thing to get worried about, you are happy that you will be deferred to second place behind the men in your life are you? You are fine with the assumption that he is more important than you?

Just because I'm OK with Mr and Mrs in no way means "second place" or that it's an "assumption that he is more important". Ridiculous assumption!!

It means I'm sensible enough not to bothered and to realise that somebody's name has to be first and MR and MRS sounds better and types easier than Mrs and Mr.

If someone completely ignored/refused to deal with the person without a penis, then that is sexist! But that's not what has happened with the original poster.

If you want your Solicitor to address correspondence to you in a certain manner or order then clearly state when you return your documents.

Original poster
Tullyjune · 11/05/2021 20:29

But there’s no “Mr and Mrs” in my case. They’ve not addressed us by title.

So no “sounds better or types better” excuses.

Unless “Richard and Anna” sounds soooooo much better than “Anna and Richard” that they just HAVE to type it that way.

What they’ve done is look at customer Anna June’s file and prepared to type a letter and thought “hold on a minute.....she has a male person buying a house with her. Better put his name first”

OP posts: