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Original poster

What's it like having older children

130 replies

Motherofmonsters · 06/05/2021 19:33

My eldest is 3 and I just can't imagine what it's like to have a child that's not really young. It makes me feel strange to think of them being more independent. Does it feel strange or is it really natural and you don't notice.

OP posts:

Champagneforeveryone · 06/05/2021 19:38

It's amazing

DS is just turned 17 so almost completely independent, but does still need us occasionally.
He's good fun and we can have proper adult conversations.
No worries about eating dinner late or being woken at 5am.
His plans for his future are coming together and it's a privilege to be part of it.
He's just started driving lessons and I'm looking forward to being able to go out drinking for dinner and having him pick us up.

TBH we've been very fortunate as his stroppy phases have been mild and short lived, but I've enjoyed every stage more than the last

whatsthestory123 · 06/05/2021 19:40

the best x

Hellocatshome · 06/05/2021 19:41

Its like living with a little adult you get to have a laugh with but then you still have the power to make them walk the dog when you can't be arsed.

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JMAngel1 · 06/05/2021 19:45

Mine are 9 and 11 and they are a joy - it's like whatever age they are, they are the culmination of all the ages and stages that preceded so the bond just gets stronger and stronger. It all happens very slowly but every niw and then one of them will shock me with how grown up they are.

CadburyCake · 06/05/2021 19:45

Mine are a few years older than 3. It’s great. They’re young enough to still like spending time with us and doing family stuff, but we’re done with nappies, buggies, naps and toddler tantrums. They wipe their own bottoms. You can have a halfway sensible conversation with them. And they go to school!

It was all very gradual, it’s never felt strange, just liberating! I absolutely loved the baby stage, but I don’t miss it now.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 06/05/2021 19:48

DDs 12, she skyping her friends at the moment laughing loudly, and I've just had an uninterrupted bath.

In 10 minutes shell get ready for bed with no bother, does a short bedtime yoga session then reads until 8:30 before turning her light out and going to sleep because she 'loves sleeping'. At the weekend she sometimes sleeps in till 11 if we have nothing else planned.

We coslept for years and she wouldn't go to sleep without me near her until she was 10. She developed her new habits over lockdown and its lovely.

BettyUnderswoob · 06/05/2021 19:51

Well, it doesn't happen suddenly, so there's no abrupt change to s new stage!
It's the same, only a little different: different joys, different worries... but they don't suddenly stop being that little person you love.

Moonface123 · 06/05/2021 19:56

It's all the firsts, first girlfriend/ boyfriend, first time going out with group to pub etc, driving a motorbike/ car, first interview,/job, that can all be a bit nerve wracking and then as you say,, you do just get used to it. They can also be lovely company and surprise you in unexpected ways that make you feel very touched and proud. Mine are almost 16 and 20, l am extremely knakered as single widowed parent, so everything is on me, but also feel a huge sense of achievement, l know l still have a lot of other firsts ahead of me, and l also have loads of treasured memories. It's like they are each their very own story book, and we continuously moving through different chapters. It's a priverledge to see them grow up, not everyone is so lucky.

Aprilshowersandhail · 06/05/2021 19:58

6 over 18's.. I'm some ways it's harder than them all being under 18!

whatsthestory123 · 06/05/2021 20:02

mine are 14yrs and 2 that are nearly 22

life is so much easier and they are great company

Jenthefredo · 06/05/2021 20:08

Its awesome :)
(Or it would be if I didn't have a Y13 in a pandemic..)
They make me food, cups of tea, can open high cupboards, carry heavy stuff...and they still like their cuddles :)

Jjacobb · 06/05/2021 20:11

It awesome, mine are 14, 16, 18 and 21. We also have the eldests 20 year old girlfriend.living with us.
So much laughter, games nights are so much fun.
They're independent so much less hands on work for us. They house sit when dh and I go away. Honestly I prefer teens to toddlers any day.
I'm not in any hurry for them to move out.

Sleepingdogs12 · 06/05/2021 20:11

14-16 scary time while they pull away and you worry who/what they will gravitate towards and sad they aren't wanting to do activities as a family after this point has been good , post 18 really positive, amazing to see the adults they are becoming .

Rainydayss · 06/05/2021 20:11

@HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime

DDs 12, she skyping her friends at the moment laughing loudly, and I've just had an uninterrupted bath.

We coslept for years and she wouldn't go to sleep without me near her until she was 10. She developed her new habits over lockdown and its lovely.

Ah that fills me with hope as my daughter is still at the co sleeping stage at 10

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 06/05/2021 20:14

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3697473-I-wish-I-knew-this-when-my-children-were-younger

I wrote this a while ago.

Echobelly · 06/05/2021 20:14

It's fantastic! I was just talking to friends about how, now that DD (nearly 13) is at secondary school and DS (9) is starting to walk back from school alone, life is so much easier. Also DD can amuse herself during school holidays, I don't have to programme everything/leave her in front of the telly.

I've felt so fortunate during lockdown that I had kids of an age who didn't need constant attention, and where one could do school work herself.

I've always loved them growing up, and never felt any sadness about them 'not needing me'.

Giantrooster · 06/05/2021 20:15

I felt like you when my dc were small.

You sort of grow with it, it's a slow process. Then they hit the teen years which can be more or less challenging , but also a preparation for moving out (and even though you cannot imaging it now, at some point you will long for a teen free couple of days ). Finally 'the empty nest syndrome' is a real thing, atleast some experience it. Mine are mid-twenties now and I love them.

Good luck, enjoy and don't overthink it, there is not much else you can do .

Chosennone · 06/05/2021 20:16

It happens so gradually. I almost didnt notice! I started arranging a sleepover for my DS the other day, hes 16! People say how tall they are and I look at them with with fresh eyes. I love their company and make an effort to do stuff they enjoy, films, junk food and theme parks etc...

I do find 'letting go' hard though. What ifs of being out and about on the streets, clubs and gang culture etc. Tucking a little one up un bed and knowing where they are was easier in that respect.

Ylvamoon · 06/05/2021 20:22

You just grow with them.

It's lovely, but I feel its more difficult to parent older children & teens. They are trying to pull away and all you can do is guide them.
My youngest is 11 and I can finally share some of my Treasures (special books) with him as he is old enough to appreciate their age and language. It's great to have a mini me

TotalBastardBollocks · 06/05/2021 20:24

I have 2 DDs 15 & 13. I love the age they are now. Independent, can have a laugh with them, i just love them . Along with my DH, they are my best friends.

Chailatteplease · 06/05/2021 20:37

Mine are 9 and 11 and I’ve found myself thinking a lot lately, how much I’m enjoying them at these ages.
They’re mostly self-sufficient (except cooking), good company and we have more fun than we did when they were younger. I love it!
Although, I do miss them being little sometimes and wish they wouldn’t have grown so quickly.

FoxyTheFox · 06/05/2021 20:53

My eldest is 12 and it's amazing. You get all of the fun bits of parenting but because they can do more things independently you don't get the relentless grind of having to feed them, dress them, manage their time/activities, get them a drink, wipe their bum, etc. Once they hit the age where they can go play in their room unsupervised, it's a game changer. You get some time to recharge so you're far less frazzled when you're 'on duty'.

umberellaonesie · 06/05/2021 21:01

It's the same but different. The bungee cord just gets stretchier over the years, so they go further before pinging back.
My 20 year-old rocked home the other day heart broken needing a cuddle from his mum.
In our case the separation and independence has been a natural progression over the years, but he still loves his mum and sometimes (especially when a girl has broken your heart) only your mum will do.

timetickson · 06/05/2021 21:06

Bloody stressful

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 06/05/2021 21:17

I felt like you do when DS was 3, OP - maybe it's a transition age? Looking back now, that was when he started to be less demanding and better company. He's a lanky teenager now, still loves cuddles, still loves me to cut up an apple for him but every day I am astounded by his delicious wonderfulness and, like PP, I don't just see the teenager when I look at him, I see every age he's ever been. I'm the same with my nephew, who's twice my size and very dark and beardy - I still see his wee hands and his golden curls and remember how he loved his bucket and spade 💕

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