What's it like having older children

[Motherofmonsters]

My eldest is 3 and I just can't imagine what it's like to have a child that's not really young. It makes me feel strange to think of them being more independent. Does it feel strange or is it really natural and you don't notice.

Mine are 16 and nearly 18 and I absolutely love their ages. Independent, witty, opinionated. Dd and I go off on girly weekends away (ds never wants to come). The only negative is they cost me a bloody fortune but well worth it!

I have 12 and 17year olds.

I love seeing them turn into people with opinions and their own personalities.

Obviously that's a pita when they won't do what I want 😆

They're funny and interesting, and I really like them. The 12 year old is hitting the hormonal stroppy age, but her brother is out the other side and is lovely, so i know it will pass.

I have a 26 and 25 year old.
It's amazing how adult they actually are

The 25 year old has kids of his own and it's just really great to see.

I also have younger kids 13,11 and 9 and even them you can see how grown up they are getting.Its really great.

As they grow they move out of your life which is bitter-sweet. Yes, more time for me, but I miss them. Also, I find 15-18 that become very irritating to be around and I remember being irritated by my mum at that age. I think it's evolutionary. Helps us to let each other go.

I also find that I am now looking forward to them going. They make such a mess, and are in and out so meals are hard to plan for, and I hardly see them. But time together is precious.

I've got a 12yo and a 2yo so no rose tinted glasses here :o

12yo we hardly ever see as he is holed up in his room or has disappeared to a friend's house. He comes out to eat all the food in the house. I wish I did still feel cuddly towards him because I think it's really important but I actually can't stand the smell of his hair I think it's a hormonal thing as DH can't smell it at all. I try to make sure I'm there to listen, watch TV together, play board games etc instead.

The 2yo I still feel very cuddly towards and he is delicious but physically very wearing wanting to be picked up a lot, needing support for sleep, needing all his meals made for him, tantrums. The 12yo doesn't do anything like that any more, can make his own dinner when I can't be arsed, I generally don't worry about him running into roads etc.

My eldest has just turned 18, middle 16. Sometimes I miss be able to give them a cuddle to make things better. The arguments are more hurtful when they are older. But to see the little people they are turning into and knowing you helped make that is amazing.

Yeah, you will just adapt to it and everything would be normal for you

I've found it quite hard actually. I loved having babies and children and being the centre of their world. Loved camping and stories and water pistols and all that fun family stuff.

My boys are late teens now, about to go to uni. They have cars and independent lives. I still do their washing and cook for them as I am finding it tough losing them to their friends etc and am clinging on a bit.

On the one hand I can't wait till they all leave and DH and I can go travelling, indulge in our own hobbies etc but on the other hand I feel really sad no longer being the centre of their world and having to let go of them.

It's bittersweet 🥺

Teenage years amazing my absolute favourite time. I spent their young childhood being told "just wait until you have 4 teenagers" and in truth the year i did have 4 teenagers is my freeze frame year.

They are funny want to help still need you at times. Can be left to fend for themselves.

I find the transition to 20s a bit harder as you are now dealing with adults who still needs you so I am juggling to find the balance between supportive unconditional love and a push in the right direction.

Before I had children I would have said I loved the preschool age but in truth I'm not keen on pre schoolers give me a cheeky loud bunch of teenagers any day. My house will be noisy and messy for a bit but in my experience they stay clean and tidy and every now and then one of them who I've not even given birth to shows with a bunch of flowers or a cake to day tnx. I love it

@Enko

Teenage years amazing my absolute favourite time. I spent their young childhood being told "just wait until you have 4 teenagers" and in truth the year i did have 4 teenagers is my freeze frame year.

They are funny want to help still need you at times. Can be left to fend for themselves.

I find the transition to 20s a bit harder as you are now dealing with adults who still needs you so I am juggling to find the balance between supportive unconditional love and a push in the right direction.

Before I had children I would have said I loved the preschool age but in truth I'm not keen on pre schoolers give me a cheeky loud bunch of teenagers any day. My house will be noisy and messy for a bit but in my experience they stay clean and tidy and every now and then one of them who I've not even given birth to shows with a bunch of flowers or a cake to day tnx. I love it

I love teens too.

Mine obviously but also find his friends great.

I really enjoyed reading this thread and gives me hope it will get better for the future. I have a two year old and can't imagine what my life would be like after he is older and when he can understand and be reasoned with and sit still. I really enjoyed 1-6 months as I was very active with him out and about where he had his naps in his pushchair and also not as mobile running around and climbing on things and also just breast fed where I didn't have to worry about a fussy eater constantly inventing new tactics so he eats.

I can't wait to get to an age where he will just put on headphones and sit on his seat quietly and still when travelling on a plane, not worry about a screaming rigid toddler being put in car seats and pushchairs and also enjoy a holiday and be able to read a book instead of constantly pulling him away from the swimming pool.

Its great. They don't get up st 5.30am AND they can make you a cuppa.

Teenagers are awesome and when they leave home it's even better. I'm under 50 and mine are both 18+.

It's a gradual process. But remember it's your role to equipt them as an adult not to 'only' keep them safe.

It's more fun and relaxing. I have boys who are 16 and 22 and we go on day trips all over. My eldest likes to tell me all about what he's been learning at uni and he's very well informed. We still laugh at silly stuff and talk about all kinds of things. I've learned a lot from him.

They're also handy to carry heavy stuff and even do the odd bit of digging in the garden. I much prefer them now they're older. I used to give him and his friends lifts when they were in 6th form. They'd go on hikes and camping and I'd have to rescue them in all weathers when things got rough. Also, drunk pick ups and impromptu overnight stays. It was fun to help out and listen to their funny banter.

I am in teenage misery with dd2 (nearly 14). Dd1 is 15 however and is lovely having just emerged from the misery phase. So I'm hoping by the time dd2 is 15 that all in I'll have had four years of one or both of them being hard work, then we'll be home free!
I miss mine being little but I love the stuff we get to do now-and if it wasn't for dd2 stropping all the time life would be quite peachy. Certainly less physically hard work than when I and two toddlers-but not quite as many cuddles

I have a young teen, a 10 yr and a 3 yr old.

I adore all ages tbh. It goes so quickly but at the same time it’s gradual change so you don’t see it happening until you look back at photos.
Same as when your toddler was a newborn that wasn’t long ago but they grew gradually, so you got used to it.

My eldest is 11 and the next two are almost 9 and 10.

11 year old is slowly transforming into Kevin the teenager. He grunts and groans an awful lot and gets embarrassed very easily. He also much prefers disappearing into his bedroom for hours on end to spending time with us which makes me feel a bit sad. I’m always chuffed when he asks me to play a card game with him or when he wants to show me something on his game. We still read together most nights so there’s that, I’ll be extra sad when that disappears.

It has been an odd adjustment period for me, I have to say. I also have a baby and toddler so I cried the other night (not in front of anyone obvs) thinking about my DS when he was that age and how he’s going to secondary school in September, I’m really apprehensive about it! Time flies, it really does. Two minutes ago he was a baby, now he’s almost as tall as me and has the same size feet... He’s going to be very tall.

It does get easier in many ways, they are largely independent with many things like they make their own breakfast, lunchboxes, bath themselves, do homework without assistance, tidy their rooms and do their bedding, put their washing on etc.

DD’s can be a nightmare! They argue every so often but it’s always extremely melodramatic and blown out of proportion. I love seeing their interests change over the years. They’re crazy about anime right now and Japan in general, it’s lovely to see them develop as people.

@DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy

I felt like you do when DS was 3, OP - maybe it's a transition age? Looking back now, that was when he started to be less demanding and better company. He's a lanky teenager now, still loves cuddles, still loves me to cut up an apple for him but every day I am astounded by his delicious wonderfulness and, like PP, I don't just see the teenager when I look at him, I see every age he's ever been. I'm the same with my nephew, who's twice my size and very dark and beardy - I still see his wee hands and his golden curls and remember how he loved his bucket and spade 💕

I have a 16 yr old and your post brought a tear to my eye 😍 it's exactly how I feel too

I'm glad I asked this question, this thread is really really lovely to read.

Mine are 19 and 15, it's great. Last night all 4 of us sat in the kitchen talking and laughing until well after midnight. A later night than normal but well worth it.

I like it. My dds are 14 and 16. I like not having to do everything for them and they are nice company

I found the secondary school age difficult, not because of my DD’s behaviour but because of others. Had some real issues and I've found that other parents really don't seem to care. A good school helps beciase they have tried to help sort it. I find other kids too much sometimes.

I agree this thread is lovely! I’m luckily able to be experiencing it all over again with my 4 local/5 overseas grandchildren. The 3 year old is a joy to behold and I’m remembering how amazing this age is, they learn something new everyday. The 11 year old is changing subtly just like my boys did when they were that age. I have to remember to refer to his parents as mum and dad not mummy and daddy.
I taught infants all of my 40 years of teaching and loved reception and year 2 best.

I remember our first family holiday where we didn't have to bother with nap times, nappies, bottles and buggies etc. It felt like utter Heaven. But it's only got better and better. Our DDs are 18 & 17 and are just really lovely to be around 99.9% of the time.

They've inherited my very black sense of humour and withering sarcasm, so we laugh, a lot. They are both happy to cook and bake on a regular basis which is very much appreciated, and during the last lockdown DD1 rather expertly decorated our guest bedroom (she's off to art school in October so is very gifted at anything practical and creative).

DD2 has inherited my passion for clothes and shopping and is my willing acolyte on many, many shopping trips. We did 3 days in Paris last Summer and we loved every minute of it. She's super organised and had planned the trip with military precision, I didn't have to do a single thing (other than waft my credit card around).

We genuinely just get on really, really well, and it's a pleasure being around them. I really didn't enjoy the baby or toddler years and I really struggled. But I'm absolutely loving their teenage years and I'm knocking this Mum stuff out of the park x

Oh @peaceanddove that sounds so lovely. I have two DDs too, aged 3.5 and 6 months. Can't wait for the stage you're describing and really hoping I can build the kind of loving, close relationship you clearly have with yours.