What's it like having older children

[Motherofmonsters]

My eldest is 3 and I just can't imagine what it's like to have a child that's not really young. It makes me feel strange to think of them being more independent. Does it feel strange or is it really natural and you don't notice.

It is amazing. My 11 year old makes me a cuppa when she is making one for herself or when I ask. She does the packed lunch sandwiches for her and her siblings. She loves to help out. The only personal care that I still provide besides the emotional stuff is washing her hair.

Every year gets better and better. Mine are teens now, and we have so much fun together.

Its great! Still a bit needy when it comes to ££ but otherwise no issues. Eldest is 19 and pretty much self sufficient. Can’t remember when we last ate a meal together🤷🏼‍♀️. In uni and lives at home. She saves a huge amount of money staying home even though i charge X amount a month. Hasn't been out much due to the obvious but pubs are now open and she’s going for drinks and a meal tomorrow night. Driving test looming so i really hope she passes. Been waiting 14 months for it.

Middle child is 17 and in college but lives away term time which we pay for. We top up her account weekly. Plus we pay for driving lessons.

Final kid is 13 and never asks, bless. We give £5 If he wants to ride to the next village on a weekend.

My only advice is start saving now

Ours are 14, 14, 19 and 21 and it is so much easier. As others have said we actually enjoy each others company. Mine are all still at home , as oldest 2 are in nearby university. They had planned to move out but covid changed that. I have to say that lock-down has really strengthened our bond as pre covid all were busy in and out of home, but for last 14 months we have all been home based and I found we had great times together. We have dinner 4 nights a week at the table together, which sparks off great conversations, we also have family game night few times per month, and my oldest girl has developed a fondness for my gin, which means we have taste tested a fair few new brands over last year! Of course , they all are starting to reenter the outside world ( post covid) which will be good for us all, but there has been surprisingly very Happy memories made! Enjoy every stage of their development, even though it will pass , ultimately you are building little adults that hopefully will be happy, well adjusted and will bring new experiences and enrich your life just as you are shaping theirs.

When I, or I hear others complain about teenagers ( believe me, they have their moments) I just think, it could be worse, at least they're not toddlers!

10 and 13 here. 10yo is great company, 13yo not so much. I’m finding the bad moods etc from the teen really hard going abs miss the lovely little boy he once was. Dreading the younger one going the same way. Enjoy the younger years op!

I must be unlucky with my stroppy 15 year old dd because I find it hard work. My eldest ds is 20 and was easier but teenage girls hormones are something else! That said life in general is easier, going shopping etc but the mood swings are hard bloody work!

This thread is (mostly) reassuring.

There's a thread running just now about whether someone should have a 3rd baby when she has older children (preteens I think). The overwhelming response is that the older children will need her more as preteens/teens and it's so hard to parent them at that age etc. I found that really depressing to read. The 0-5 stage has been so difficult and demanding and I'm due number 3 with little enthusiasm for doing it again. I really, really can't cope with the idea that worse lies ahead. If it does, what's the point? Why would I even bother doing this?! My whole life will just be given over to servicing my DCs needs

@smithyca

I must be unlucky with my stroppy 15 year old dd because I find it hard work. My eldest ds is 20 and was easier but teenage girls hormones are something else! That said life in general is easier, going shopping etc but the mood swings are hard bloody work!

I’m finding having a 15 yo son the hardest stage of all so far. The stroppiness and mood swings are something else. And the stuff we fight over - homework, gaming - seems so much more important than the things I used to stress about.

@WorkWorkAngelica

This thread is (mostly) reassuring.

There's a thread running just now about whether someone should have a 3rd baby when she has older children (preteens I think). The overwhelming response is that the older children will need her more as preteens/teens and it's so hard to parent them at that age etc. I found that really depressing to read. The 0-5 stage has been so difficult and demanding and I'm due number 3 with little enthusiasm for doing it again. I really, really can't cope with the idea that worse lies ahead. If it does, what's the point? Why would I even bother doing this?! My whole life will just be given over to servicing my DCs needs

Oh everyone on MN is obsessed with the idea of 2 children being the maximum possible anyone should ever have, so I wouldn't pay too much attention to that.

TBH I found the middle years rather boring. Toddlers are hilarious if exhausting, and preteens are at least interesting, but nowhere near as hands on as toddlers! True they're not like cats but I find the type of energy I invest in DS1 these days is of a totally different type to the type of energy I have to invest in DS2. Teens are more mental, toddlers much more physical.

Mine are 14 & 8(almost 9) and I was just laid in bed this morning thinking how much easier this stage is. My youngest has always been really high maintenance but now they both sleep in on a weekend or get up and be self sufficient.
We can go out and have nice days without taking loads of crap and we have real life conversations and with my eldest a good laugh, he’s a proper human being now who loves you unconditionally (well apart from the daily teenage strops 🤣).

I think with parenting it happens so gradually that you don’t notice it happening and each stage has lovely elements and challenges.

Teens are more mental, toddlers much more physical

Thanks Bertie. That sounds fair. I think it's the relentless physical nature of it I'm finding so hard just now, I love their company but the constant feeding, washing, cleaning up, wiping bottoms, breaking up fights, wiping up spills, feeding again, etc is so hard. I found my own teen years hard and I think it's got worse with social media etc. I have very little interest in teenagers and tend to avoid them at all costs but I'm hoping I'll feel differently about my own!

I can't remember what having a 3 year old was like. As others have said it just gradually happens and you don't even notice.
I have particularly enjoyed teaching Ds1 to drive. And loved his psychology A'level discussions on 'patriarchal family' etc. The only good bit about covid was listening to his lessons and wishing I was taking that A'level!

I seem to recall the endless conversations about pebbles and leaves and why blue was blue being easier than talking to ds about social relativism and tolerance.

My eldest is 13. She is much more fun to be around as a13yo than as a baby. Basically they become more and more themselves as they get older and are much more interesting to be around. Not looking forward to my 3 going to University and leaving home!

Having teenagers is wonderful - I'm enjoying it so much. I didn't love the toddler years as it was so physically exhausting, but parenting has just got so much more fun as they've got older. Only one left at home now but I still bask in the joy of no longer having toddlers. (I actually don't know how I worked full time with a long commute - and renovated 2 houses - with very small children. I definitely had more energy in my 30s!)

@RosesAndHellebores

I seem to recall the endless conversations about pebbles and leaves and why blue was blue being easier than talking to ds about social relativism and tolerance.

Oh I don't know, I never did nail explaining the concept of 'tomorrow' to a toddler. Endless conversations about today being yesterday's tomorrow.

It's great - they don't wake up at 6am, generally do their own thing and don't need babysitting so you can go out at the drop of a hat 👍

However I worry so much more than when they were little... the schools they're at, their friendships, GCSEs (or lack of them last year), heading off to Uni, paying for Uni (!) The list is endless...

Mine are DD 33, DS 15 and DS13. I love them being older although I do miss having little ones around. My brother has 2 toddlers so it's nice to go see them, have a play and then hand them back when they get whingy.
I love being able to have interesting conversations and listening to their opinions.
DD is getting married this year (delayed from last year) so I have been able to do all the girly shopping trips with her and help her plan her day. Also helped her out with house buying process and now remortgage. So proud of her.
DS1 is a hard worker, loves cooking and painting although makes a horrendous mess with both.
DS2 is very clever but lazy and loves to have philosophical and political discussions. He reads a lot and has some interesting strongly held opinions. Also likes cooking but is more methodical and organised than his brother.
I love seeing their different personalities develop and playing devils advocate in thoughtful conversations.
They give back in a different way to toddlers although I do still get lots of cuddles which are lovely.
There have been difficult times and during the first lockdown I had to firmly set boundaries around swearing and showing respect but it didn't last long.

One day they will bring you a cup of tea and ask about your day.

You won’t recall the last time you read them a bedtime story, or gave them a bath, but you will remember doing it, with probably a much warmer glow than you felt at the time.

But hopefully they’ll still want and need a hug and a cuddle. Mine do, in fact one is coming over today, and we definitely cwtch up for a cuddle.

My two are 16 and 13 and despite the hormones and occasional teenage rudeness, I absolutely love this stage compared to babyhood and toddler years.

I don’t have to do any of the back breaking stuff anymore - no buggies, arse wiping, dressing, hovering while they play, bath and bedtimes etc. In fact, I can get THEM to do stuff for ME. 13 yr old is making Sunday dinner for us all tomorrow, and I just sent 16 yr old to the shops to get the ingredients as I felt like staying on the sofa today .

I also have a life of my own again! I can go to the gym for an hour, have a long bath, watch a film uninterrupted and they’ll entertain themselves.

And they’re lovely company most of the time...but they also sod off to their own rooms quite a lot, which suits me fine after years of having them trying to hold conversations with me while I was on the loo!!

I do miss their chubby little baby faces sometimes, and the innocence and complete adoration you get back from babies, but I much prefer teenagers to toddlers!

Just about to go to high school here. This age works for me. Happy to do their own thing, fairly happy to do family stuff when called upon, thinking for themselves, but not at the stage where they're out and about and I'm scared for them.

I can remember being in the grocery store when DS was about 15 and watching the toddlers thinking I know you are worried sick when they are small but at least you know where they are all the time.

I was over protective but little by little they have to experience things. And you get used to it.

DS is a joy but we had a sticky patch when he was 16 to 19. Prior to that and after it he was fabulous. But you know throughout it all he is still my most cherished person. He makes me howl with laughter. We talk alot and he is so insightful.

I still see my little boy when I look at him and he's twice my size!

I still see my little boy when I look at him and he's twice my size!

For me I find there are frozen in time moments that sits in my brain so clearly.

With ds I have one of him 4 months old playing with him on my bed and he squealed with giggles that was the day I knew I utterly loved him (having struggled to bond) I have pictures of this day and dh isn't keen on them as they are in his words not good photos for me they are precious beyond sense.
I see him toddling around w my mums dog
I see him starting school starting rugby starting secondary finishing secondary

They are all frozen pictures in my mind

For my girls I have the same but different significances and for dd3 I have no finishing school as she finished in covid but for her i have a moment of her laughing at me in her uniform

They are the little golden memory threads and beyond precious.

I'm loving reading this thread. I was a complete fucking arsehole as a teenager and had a really strained relationship with my parents. I really hope my experience isn't the norm because I can't bear the thought of my son turning out like me as a teen