What's it like having older children

[Motherofmonsters]

My eldest is 3 and I just can't imagine what it's like to have a child that's not really young. It makes me feel strange to think of them being more independent. Does it feel strange or is it really natural and you don't notice.

12 and 10 here. Its really hard and thankless, loads of back chat. Nice moments few and far between. Wish they were babies again.

This thread has made me cry.
I hate my Dc growing up for my own stupid selfish reasons.
However I've loved each stage. It all goes by in a flash and you almost forget how it once was.
When they were babies i wished them older as it was hard. Now they are older,how i
wish they were little.
Perks are no waking in the night.
Having a little bit of time for myself
Having alaugh
Conversation
Some lie in bed days.
Downsides missing them playing
Missing them needing me
Feeling oh so nostalgic

Mine are 20, 13 11
11 yr old is in last year of primary
I want the days to go very slow
I like being a mummy more than anything.
And the poster who said one day they stopped holding her hand and she can't remember :(
Yes to this
I should have had more kids.

And of course, bigger kids, bigger problems...

@elliejjtiny

It's very gradual so you don't notice it happening. My eldest is 14 and youngest is 6.

After years of thomas the tank engine and peppa pig it's great to sit down and watch a tv programme together that me and my 10 year old both like. Love how my 14 year old loves the same trashy tv that I do and my 12 year old loves the same sports as DH.

Love going to school concerts and my 14 year old excitedly showing me where he eats lunch and proudly introducing me to his teachers (and my 12 year old pretending he doesn't know me ).

Love watching them enjoy themselves and taking loads of photos of them just chasing each other around the garden, playing on the trampoline or doing watersports and spending most of the time falling in the river.

It's scary when you let them loose and they turn up late and leave their phones on the charger at home. When they get their heart broken and you wish you could fix it for them.

Sometimes though I pick up my 6 year old, cuddle him a little longer and sniff his hair that smells of children's shampoo. Because I know that although the days are long, the years are short and in no time he will be taller than me and smelling of lynx deodorant.

And this last paragraph x a million.

Three teens and all different. One easygoing and great company and has always been. Next really difficult and life owes a living. Last not sure about, lovely, hormonal so swings wildly. All have good moral compass but not sure how happy they will/won’t be

Well you just grow with it really. I loved my DC being babies and toddlers, but I also love them being 10 and 11. I get the impression though that just like nothing prepares you for being presented with a pink squealing newborn, nothing prepares you for the teen years 🙈.

My grandma, who is 91, said you know you really are old when all your children are retired . But she still says 'come here baby' to my dad who is nearly 70, so some things don't change!

@JMAngel1

Mine are 9 and 11 and they are a joy - it's like whatever age they are, they are the culmination of all the ages and stages that preceded so the bond just gets stronger and stronger. It all happens very slowly but every niw and then one of them will shock me with how grown up they are.

This. I love mine being a bit older. They are their own people. They are quite self sufficient. They still need cuddles. A mate of mine once told me that every age is great as its different..

I have a 15 year old DD and a 23 year old DS.
I am finding DD as a teen v v hard!

I remember when DD was little and all the cuddles and she got upset when I said one day the cuddles will get fewer and fewer
At least with toddlers they (act as if they) love you after the tantrums!

The look of disdain (contempt?!) with everything I say / do ....

People say the years 14-16 are the worst so I am hanging in there!

It's really lovely, but can be very stressful as although they don't need you physically so much, they need much more emotional support than you would ever expect, even into their 20s like my boys are now.

The best thing? When your adult son wraps you up into a great big bear hug, just because he loves his old mum. There's just nothing like it

My older sister also said to me that people often forget that teens actually really need their parents despite appearances. My DC1 is about to head to high school and I'm loving her journey although she's also a hormonal pita

Hilarious. Mine are 12, 14 and 17. They make me laugh all the time. I love how they have their own WhatsApp chat group and laugh with each other so much. They argue and think I’m ridiculous but they are great fun.
I’ve loved every stage with them even when they were all so little.

@JMAngel1

Mine are 9 and 11 and they are a joy - it's like whatever age they are, they are the culmination of all the ages and stages that preceded so the bond just gets stronger and stronger. It all happens very slowly but every niw and then one of them will shock me with how grown up they are.

This is a great answer.

I remember feeling the same way when mine were little (not age three - they were hideous at three!) but honestly I have just loved every part of their development.

Much easier physically but I miss our little trips together. We can still get them out with us but there needs to be food involved

@Hellocatshome

Its like living with a little adult you get to have a laugh with but then you still have the power to make them walk the dog when you can't be arsed.

This!!

Mine are very late teens/adults now. Still live at home.
I love them being at home. We have such a great time when they are here but I live with the constant gnawing in my stomach that every holiday or birthday or evening in with face masks and a footner will be one of the last times we will do this all together.

I have no idea what will happen when they leave.

Mine are 8 and 11, so not properly older but they are much more independent, although they still like to do things with us so we will go for days out, watch movies, play board games. We can go out for meals together without wondering about how to keep a toddler entertained (although youngest DC is still a fussy eater). They can get themselves up at the weekend and make breakfast, which is by far the best change since the early years!

However, depending on your family situation and choices, I find life is much busier than when they were little. I went back to work full-time when my youngest was 7. They started extra-curricular activities when I worked part time (Covid-lockdowns excepted) and wanted to continue them when I went back full-time. The time devoted to these things has got longer as they've got older and I seem to be constantly rushing back from work and taking them round to various places. I know these are choices that my family has made but it can be full on.

Mine are still at an age when they are affectionate, although not as much as when they were little and we can have proper conversations. It's generally a good age. I have fond memories of the early years but it's not a time I particularly miss. I'm looking forward to some things about the teen years but also have a lot of trepidation about them!

My DD is nearly 8 I miss when she was a baby and curled up on my chest. But each stage has their good points I've started feeling her pulling away her peers are much more important to her than last year . But we have such deep conversations she has her own lovely personality and sense of humour.

It’s lovely, wonderful and wistful all at the same time.

I love this dialogue from Modern Family from Jay which absolutely sums up life with children.

My boys are 9&7 and my god it’s wonderful to watch them grow into these little independent humans, full of insane questions, fart jokes and giggles. Of course they squabble, a lot of the time and have outbursts but today, for example, my 7 year old stomped out of the car to school full of rage at me (for reasons I’m yet to determine). When he got home, he raced up to me for a hug and said “I’m sorry I was mad at you this morning, I love you”.

Each stage is wonderful/terrifying/wistful/insert emotion here, but DH and I laugh so hard at the funny shit they come out with and feel a lot of joy at the people they’re becoming.

I could never picture them at this age when they were little, that’s the hard part. You can’t picture who they’ll become, only look at them how they are in the present moment.

So far so good, very easy going 14 year old and a slightly stroppy but over all well behaved 11 year old here.
I couldn't imagine myself as the parent of a teenager at all (I was scared I would stop loving them ) Pleased to report that hasn't happened, I have my independence back in spades as they gain theirs. I can have a brew in peace or leave them at home and nip to the shop. I don't have to worry about after school or holiday childcare...overall life is just so much easier

I had a wistful moment when eldest turned 16

But having a three year old soon helped with that

We have a 21ds and 16ds and it’s ace. They are independent and having adult conversations and yet still want a hug off mum at night. There’s still girlfriend problems, exam stress, part time work to deal with. But they’ll happily go off together to pick up a McDonald’s and pay, order a takeaway and cook together. They are pretty amazing!

It's a continuum and as they reach the next stage in their development or outgrow the last one, their readiness makes letting go easier so you give them their wings and hope they keep coming home from time to time. a roast beef dinner helps .

TBH, I found the primary school years the easiest.

I am so envious of those of you with DC who have sailed through the teenage and young adult years unscathed. The expression that you are only as happy as your unhappiest child is so true.

DD is 14 and is a joy and delight! I feel enormously fortunate at how well we all get on. I do get the occasional eye roll but zero back chat.
I've enjoyed every age. Emotionally teens are much more fragile and needy than little ones but more physically independent.
I enjoy a bit of nostalgia looking back at pictures but I'm happy to be where we are.

Like when they are younger - good days and bad days . My DS is 20 now and away at Uni, it's nice that he is independent, finding his own way in life etc the teenage years were slightly challenging so I am glad those are behind us. Your worries are different - I do feel anxious about the future for my DS, will he find a decent job, that sort of thing.

My DPs are in their late 80s and still worry about us 'children' and we are all over 50 .

Every stage has its pros and cons.