What's it like having older children

[Motherofmonsters]

My eldest is 3 and I just can't imagine what it's like to have a child that's not really young. It makes me feel strange to think of them being more independent. Does it feel strange or is it really natural and you don't notice.

Mine have left home. I love visiting them and them coming home. They bring new things into your life through their interests and friends. It's fabulous.

It's lovely!
Mine are adults. 2 ds. Aged 27 and 23
It's like having a good friend now as well as being your child

11 & 8. It's great. During the baby, toddler & pre-school years, there seemed to be quite a high chance that they'd have a random accident or something and die. They've grown out of that stage but aren't yet old enough for the risks from drinks, drugs, sex, cars etc to be an issue.
From a practical aspect, everything is easier. I now get up 20 mins later and still look more put together in the mornings as I only have to get myself ready. The DC just get on with it. Well, the 8yo "forgot" this morning but normally he showers, takes himself down for breakfast, puts his dishes in the dishwasher (but leaves the cereal, bread, milk and butter out and a trail of crumbs everywhere), comes back up to get dressed etc and my only involvement is to answer the inevitable "have you seen X" question and to shout things like "teeth". When I think of the hours I could spend cajoling him to get dressed or eat something for breakfast etc.
The downside is they stay up so late. By which I mean 9pm for my 11yo which is, in her opinion, much too early but means I hardly get any time alone and it really impacts what I can watch on TV & when. It's also taken some adjusting to the idea that, when I get back from work, I don't have to spend every minute with the DC. I can take myself off for a run or call a friend or something as they will still be up when I've finished.

I'm not going to lie, I'm finding the teenage years hard and would love to go back to the younger years again, so cherish every day with your 3 yr old, OP. I was thinking the other day how there must have been a day when it was 'the last time' dd held my hand and I never knew...

Great thread!

When your toddler becomes a teen you will realize that the toddler yeara were the easiest. 😂 give me a toddler over a teen anyday.

I think it’s hard. I loved babyhood, childhood and teenage hood. I found it sometimes difficult to watch them as young adults making ( perfectly reasonable, normal, safe) decisions that I had no involvement in. That did pass though, as my eldest 2 moved away, good jobs, got married and had children of their own. I felt happy in the knowledge that they had someone else in their lives who loved them as much as I did.
I still worry about my youngest ( 29) who is single and lives alone ( by choice, I don’t mean he is lonely or anything) I just can’t switch off my maternal feelings simply because he is a grown up!
My dad always said he never stopped worrying about me and my sister, especially during difficult times like divorce etc.
Always a mum however old they are!

Oh yes! I had non sleeping babies but I’d swap in a heartbeat for my teen and tween
Such a challenging phase of parenting especially when they’re as tall as you

@timetickson

Bloody stressful

This ^^ with great big clanging bells on.

DD is at university and is so stressed at the moment and having panic attacks because the workload is ridiculous. She has been ringing me in tears and it is so hard to deal with.

You never, ever stop worrying about your children. When they are little you can make things better for them, but when they get older you can't. They need you much more on an emotional level, and some days I feel so mentally drained by it all.

Mine are 15, 24 and 27. I really enjoy their company. We go out for meals together (pre covid), have beach days and always have at least one holiday a year together. Me and my husband honestly thought that when they reached 16+ they wouldn’t want to
Holiday with us anymore. But they do, and we all enjoy it!

Mine’s nine. I’ve loved every age (although 6 was a bit tricky) and I miss her as a baby and as a toddler but she is currently so much fun and a joy to be around. Her dad struggles with her wanting to be herself and not wanting to do the things he wants her to do which causes friction. But she absolutely is just joyful, bursting with creativity and ideas (although she often then lacks confidence in herself). I’m having some minor health issues at the moment and she loves to look after me!

Bloody terrifying. DS 25 i nap at night until he’s home from work or back from going out out.
DD in secondary school.. panic until she texts she’s at school or home

DS is 16. The last two years have been difficult, shall I say. The end of last year/beginning of this was absolutely horrendous. I longed for his toddler days when he was cute, squishy and thought I knew everything. But we have stuck in there, he is coming out the other side . Getting stuck into his GCSE assessments as best he can. He had a 'Kevin and Perry' moment yesterday, but apologised unprompted shortly after. And he has just given me a big bear hug because I complained I am freezing cold .

I have told my youngest not to tell me about skydiving until after he has safely landed!

Oh it's lovely. DS1 is 17 and just starting to really spread his wings, he's currently learning to drive, about to start his first part time job and we're researching unis together. I've loved having him as a teenager, he was a bloody nightmare young child, but blossomed into this gorgeous boy at about 12 and touch wood we've never looked back.

DS2 is 12, has been a delightful young child so I'm fearing for his teenage self... ! Nah, I'm hoping he's going to be as lovely as his brother

DD is 9. You kind of grow with them but I also miss that little toddler and baby she was. Dreading the teenage years.

All ages are great

Mine are 16 and 18 now

Honestly, enjoy the ride and try to keep up ... as a parent you’re always a bit behind

Great question OP, my eldest is 3 too and I feel the same. But I also have a baby who, right now, I can't imagine being 3!

Thanks everyone for your answers, I'm enjoying this thread.

I love the bones of this child though, it's the same instinct and feeling I've had from the start.

Mine are grown up and partially fledged - but Covid has buggered that up in some ways.

The bungee twangs them back as the poster above says and it’s different and on so many ways bloody lovely having adult kids. they can do dinner if you get stuck at work , or pop out for the pesto you thought you had in for tea. They also want to change the world and have political opinions - which is fab. They do happy grown up things like getting engaged. They do proper grown up things like having jobs sometimes.

What is not fab is not being able to make it better every time. That’s bloody horrible. They hurt and that hurts me 😩

Rampantivy, I totally agree! When we are reasonably young the physical hard work of active parenting is just something to have to get on with. The worrying in your 60’s is mentally draining as you say.

It's very gradual so you don't notice it happening. My eldest is 14 and youngest is 6.

After years of thomas the tank engine and peppa pig it's great to sit down and watch a tv programme together that me and my 10 year old both like. Love how my 14 year old loves the same trashy tv that I do and my 12 year old loves the same sports as DH.

Love going to school concerts and my 14 year old excitedly showing me where he eats lunch and proudly introducing me to his teachers (and my 12 year old pretending he doesn't know me ).

Love watching them enjoy themselves and taking loads of photos of them just chasing each other around the garden, playing on the trampoline or doing watersports and spending most of the time falling in the river.

It's scary when you let them loose and they turn up late and leave their phones on the charger at home. When they get their heart broken and you wish you could fix it for them.

Sometimes though I pick up my 6 year old, cuddle him a little longer and sniff his hair that smells of children's shampoo. Because I know that although the days are long, the years are short and in no time he will be taller than me and smelling of lynx deodorant.

It depends what kind of parent you are, I think.

If you like them being dependent on you and needing you, maybe even the control, it will be more challenging.

However, I bloody love it. They are actual human beings you can chat to and go out with, not just mini despots who dominate and control you in return for food and entertainment.

It’s very gradual and they’re always your dc so it feels very natural.

You can see what they looked like when little still.

I have a range from 16 to 3.5 and the teen is really easy.

It's great - I am so proud of my two and how they are making their very different ways in the world. You never stop worrying about them though.