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Original poster

Should I ask MIL for daughters money?

142 replies

letmeeatcakes · 05/05/2021 10:32

When my daughter was born my MIL set up a savings account for her. My daughter’s have never received birthday/Christmas cards or pressies from their grandmother I’ve just assumed she’s put money into the account. My daughter has turned 18 and I would like her to know about this account. My MIL and I have never got along and don’t have a respectful relationship. She is now in her 90’s and recovering from surgery. Partner as usual is sticking his head in the sand and won’t address this with his Mother. My daughter is also now required to file a tax return form and give information on all savings and investments (we live in Europe) so she really should have this information. What should I do to sort this matter out bearing in mind we are not on communication terms. I also have a second daughter just turned 16 and need to know whether a similar account was opened for her.

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 05/05/2021 10:34

Don't be silly. You can't demand this information! She's 90 and it's up to her. It won't affect your DDs tax return if she has no access to the funds either! As for your other daughter...you don't 'need to know' anything! This is MIL's money and if she's set them up, then your children will get them when she dies probably. You're not even speaking to the woman!

Pyewackect · 05/05/2021 10:35

I guess all you can do is ask her. I’m not sure what else you can do. But if your relationship is as you said then I wouldn’t start counting my chickens.

Schrutesbeets · 05/05/2021 10:40

I would just assume that there isn't anything for either of them. If it turns out there is in due course, then it's a bit of a bonus.

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Idontgiveagriffindamn · 05/05/2021 10:44

I’d ask based on the tax return. If the money is in her name it could impact her tax situation. Only a European tax specialist would know

SpnBaby1967 · 05/05/2021 10:44

Its not your daughters money, so shouldnt affect her tax returns or anything as I would assume the savings acct isnt in her name.

Given there is no relationship between your family and your MIL I would assume the money is no longer there and just write off any thoughts of getting your hands on it. As a PP said, possibly when MIL dies it may transpire your DD does have a claim to some monies, but imagine the fallout with younger DD if there wasnt one for her as well.

PragmaticWench · 05/05/2021 10:44

Do you know if the savings were put into an account in your DC's name, rather than in your MIL's name, such as a children's ISA? If they are in an account under your MIL's name then it's still her money and doesn't belong to your DC.

AdaColeman · 05/05/2021 10:47

It might be better if your daughter asked her Grandmother about it herself. Something along the lines of "Granny, when I was little did you....? Being careful to keep it all very gentle and friendly of course.

Of course, it might have all been a flash in the pan for MIL, and she only ever deposited a small amount, so don't hold your breath!

Chatanooga1 · 05/05/2021 10:51

The excuse about the tax return is very transparent and obviously a last resort at sting to know if your daughters have windfalls coming their way!

Either your husband asks his mother or you wait and see what happens when she dies but for you to ask is rather vulgar.

Chatanooga1 · 05/05/2021 10:52

^^^ sting means dying

Warmduscher · 05/05/2021 10:55

@AdaColeman

It might be better if your daughter asked her Grandmother about it herself. Something along the lines of "Granny, when I was little did you....? Being careful to keep it all very gentle and friendly of course.

Of course, it might have all been a flash in the pan for MIL, and she only ever deposited a small amount, so don't hold your breath!

If the OP isn’t speaking to her MIL, I doubt the children are.
OneGlamMama · 05/05/2021 10:55

Why can't your daughter ask her grandmother? Seems the best option as she is an adult and the money has nothing to you with yourself.

saraclara · 05/05/2021 10:57

Surely all your husband has to say is "now that she's 18, the money in that savings account you opened for her would be useful, what with uni plans etc. Are you ready to release it to her? I know she'd be thrilled to know that you'd saved for her"

I don't get why that's so hard?

TheChosenTwo · 05/05/2021 11:11

Oh my god I’d be mortified to ask a relative if they had put aside money for my dc! Even when you had originally been led to believe this was the case.
Your dd doesn’t need to know for any kind of tax purposes, this seems like your way of fishing around to get to the money (for her).
Just ignore and move on. If funds make their way to your dd later on down the line then it’s a bonus.

BlackCatShadow · 05/05/2021 11:14

I suspect there isn't any money. I'd just forget about it and if it does show up one day, it will be a nice surprise.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/05/2021 11:16

Has she ever shown any interest in them growing up? Do they have a good relationship?

TakeYourFinalPosition · 05/05/2021 11:21

I would just assume that there isn't anything for either of them. If it turns out there is in due course, then it's a bit of a bonus.

This. I suspect your partner knows this, too, hence not wanting to ask... but regardless, nobody should ask. It doesn’t sound like there’s any money. She doesn’t need to declare it if she has no access to it.

If it turns out that there is money one day, it’ll be an unexpected bonus... but proceed as if there isn’t any. It’ll be a disappointment for your DD if she was expecting something, but it’s not the end of the world.

Asking someone you don’t get on with for money for your children isn’t going to go well.

Original poster
letmeeatcakes · 05/05/2021 11:21

I’m sure the account was put in my daughters name as I (vaguely) remember having to sign a form as the mother. My daughter has reached the age where she wants to continue her education, driving lessons.... and anything however small would really help her at the moment. IF this account was for her birthday and Christmas ‘gifts’ then surely it is hers. I do feel uncomfortable about the situation but if other grandchildren have benefitted? I do appreciate all comments to help me put the situation into perspective. Especially the comment about my second daughter and the problems if no account was set up for her, I just assumed all grandchildren would be treated equally

OP posts:
Woodlandbelle · 05/05/2021 11:25

Very entitled behaviour. I would never ask. It's not mil responsibility to pay for your own daughters driving lessons.

Anything she gets is a bonus. Come on!!

LoudestCat14 · 05/05/2021 11:29

If you're not on talking terms, expecting money from her is very entitled. Assuming the NC extends to your DC too, why should she give financial support to a granddaughter she has no relationship with?

FortunesFave · 05/05/2021 11:29

IF this account was for her birthday and Christmas ‘gifts’ then surely it is hers

Gifts aren't a right.

milinhas · 05/05/2021 11:32

If she wasn’t even sending cards on birthdays it seems very very unlikely there’s any money in the account. I wouldn’t ask.

Aprilshowersandhail · 05/05/2021 11:32

Mil has committed fraud if she doesn't give dd the money...
When you open an account and name a dc you are signing to say that money is for the named dc not a savings scheme for yourself.

Floralnomad · 05/05/2021 11:33

Just work on the assumption that there is no money , which is very likely the case . I can’t imagine why you think that the MIL has been putting Christmas and birthday money in the account if you’ve never been told this is the case .

Worldwide2 · 05/05/2021 11:37

The tax return just sounds like your last straw to know if there is any money for your daughter. Its non of your business really its up to your mil wether she wants to disclose if she has any money for your daughter. Seeing as your not on speaking terms either this would be very bad taste on your part and would just look grabby. She may very well have stopped as you don't speak who knows.
She's 90 leave her be. If she has money for your daughter I'm sure she will want her to have it and either leave it when she does or give it to her when she's ready.

Worldwide2 · 05/05/2021 11:37

Dies