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Original poster

Should I ask MIL for daughters money?

142 replies

letmeeatcakes · 05/05/2021 10:32

When my daughter was born my MIL set up a savings account for her. My daughter’s have never received birthday/Christmas cards or pressies from their grandmother I’ve just assumed she’s put money into the account. My daughter has turned 18 and I would like her to know about this account. My MIL and I have never got along and don’t have a respectful relationship. She is now in her 90’s and recovering from surgery. Partner as usual is sticking his head in the sand and won’t address this with his Mother. My daughter is also now required to file a tax return form and give information on all savings and investments (we live in Europe) so she really should have this information. What should I do to sort this matter out bearing in mind we are not on communication terms. I also have a second daughter just turned 16 and need to know whether a similar account was opened for her.

OP posts:
myfuckingfreezer · 05/05/2021 11:37

If the account is in DD's name then she would have paperwork on it, and can search for it directly. Usually when a child hits 18 the savings account matures and needs dealing with, so the child is contacted.

SunnyLovesCassie · 05/05/2021 11:39

I live in EU and we have to declare all bank accounts wherever they are. Failure to do so could be considered tax fraud! If the dd is 18 and the account is in her name she needs to declare it!

user1493494961 · 05/05/2021 11:40

I've set up accounts for my Grandchildren. My name is also on the account so in theory I could access the money if I wanted to (not that I ever would). Perhaps MIL has spent it. If your partner won't ask and you don't have much of a relationship wIth MIL, I think it's a matter of waiting.

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QueeniesCroft · 05/05/2021 11:41

You know the account exists, so I think it's fair enough for your husband to ask about it. If you ask, I suspect the chances of a positive outcome will be reduced!

Do you know the name of the bank, by any chance?

CombatBarbie · 05/05/2021 11:44

But if the account exists then the money belongs to DD provided it is actually in her name which would make sense if you had to sign a form.

Whilst it's uncouth to ask, I would raise it gently and use the tax return as the reason.

catmandont · 05/05/2021 11:50

Maybe she set up accounts in her own name, so her money to do with as she pleases. Perhaps with the intention of leaving it to your DC in her will?

My DD is 17 and at 16 was written to directly to say ownership of child accounts was now in her name (we're UK so nay be different)

stalachtiteorstalagmite · 05/05/2021 11:53

This is so cringe! You are essentially asking your elderly, ill MIL - who you don't even normally speak to - for money. If I were you I'd assume there is nothing coming your way, perhaps one day you'll be pleasantly surprised but your DD should not be relying on that money for anything. Plenty of people get by without windfalls from grandparents so I'm sure she'll manage.

As for the tax return excuse, pfffft. Give over!

ElphabaTWitch · 05/05/2021 11:58

All you can do is ask as orevous people have said. She doesn’t actually own/have the money so she can’t file it surely? Unless the account is in her name only do you really need to find out.

Shoxfordian · 05/05/2021 11:59

It doesn’t seem likely that there is any money there

Your partner needs to address it though

saraclara · 05/05/2021 12:04

@stalachtiteorstalagmite

This is so cringe! You are essentially asking your elderly, ill MIL - who you don't even normally speak to - for money. If I were you I'd assume there is nothing coming your way, perhaps one day you'll be pleasantly surprised but your DD should not be relying on that money for anything. Plenty of people get by without windfalls from grandparents so I'm sure she'll manage.

As for the tax return excuse, pfffft. Give over!

It's not cringe at all. If OP signed something, then the account is in her DC's name. As a grandparent I would find it absolutely natural for my DGD's parents to ask about the account I have for her, when she reaches 18. That's when children's savings accounts mature, and when they're likely to need the money most.
Fralla · 05/05/2021 12:10

Is the savings account set up in the same country your filing the tax return?

I'm only asking as I live in Europe too, and in my country there are pre-filled details of all profitable savings accounts on the tax return. But I'm assuming this is only possible if the savings account is in the same country as the tax return.

YoniAndGuy · 05/05/2021 12:10

No, I don't agree with the majority here.

If the account was put in the DD's name and OP had to sign a form, then it is their financial business.

The problem here is, as usual, a pathetic partner unable to act like his primary family is his main responsibility.

TELL him to contact his mother with a very unemotional enquiry - DD is now required to fill out a tax form. Could Mother let them know whether the account that was once set up in her name contains any money, as she would be legally required to declare it. Sorry to bother you etc. Simple. I take it he's on different terms with his mother than you are? These types usually are - they manage to sit on the fence rather than have their partners' backs.

However if the acct IS in her name then it may be possible to find it - do you have any indication of what bank/buidling society it was with?

It's your business if your signature was required etc.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 05/05/2021 12:13

She’d have been contacted at 18 if it was in her name, I think. She should have been contacted around 16/17 with documentation, according to Google.

I think it’s unlikely that money was saved, and even more unlikely that it’s still there and that your younger daughter has the same... if it does still exist but hasn’t been dealt with, or is in her name rather that your DDs, it’ll be dealt with when she passes.

No good is going to come of poking this bear. It may well feel unfair that other grandchildren have got things, but sadly it’s unusual for grandparents to be entirely fair across the board, it seems. Lots of things come into play, circumstances, relationships with the parents...

Bluntness100 · 05/05/2021 12:13

I can’t get over these responses. It’s like a different planet on here sometimes.

She said an account was set up for your child. Just ask her. Say I remember there was an account for x, is that still the case please, she’s now 18 and would find it beneficial. See what she says.

idontlikealdi · 05/05/2021 12:13

You have no idea if the account is in your daughter's name? We had t provide birth certificates to open DTs saving accounts in the UK in their name.

You don't do anything, maybe she has willed the money, spent it, never saved it.

namechangemarch21 · 05/05/2021 12:15

I think the way to do the approach isn't actually to ask about the money, its to say that for money laundering reasons you DD needs to know about any accounts in her name, and you vaguely remembered signing something to set one up but weren't sure whose name it was in - could MIL clarify? And get your DP to do it. I think mention it in relation to needing to declare all accounts, as it is the least grabby way to bring it up. That then opens the conversation for the grandmorther to mention the money: if the account is in your DDs name she can directly access it anyway, if its not then its all up to the grandmother anyway.

Otherwise, does your DP know who your MIL usually banks with? Presumably you could contact the bank directly and explain the situation?

I wouldn't' necessarily expect a) a separate account to exist for younger daughter and b) for there to be much money in it though. When relationships break down with children, most people lose interest in the grandchildren of those children. Some don't, but I think it is more often the case than not that relationships with grandchildren come about because of closeness to your children rather than some kind of remote genetic connection. If she hasn't been sending Christmas/birthday cards that say 'I've put something in your account' then I wouldn't' necessarily expect that at all.

blobblob · 05/05/2021 12:17

When she dies and the executor goes through her accounts it'll be clear whether there's an account for your DD. If there is it can be dealt with at that point. Grabby and unpleasant to ask now. If I were the DD I'd be embarrassed to ask and if I were the Granny I'd see you for what you were.

namechangemarch21 · 05/05/2021 12:18

Also, for people saying its better to ignore it: it depends a bit on the set up and where they live. For example, if the daughter accesses student finance then at 21 discovers this account and finds there's 20K in it which could have made her ineligible for that, in some countries that could be fraud. I wouldn't' assume its there but I think if its there and your DD has sole access to it you should be able to find that out easily enough. While banks may have tried to contact her, if your'e abroad its most likely the account address is your MILs.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/05/2021 12:18

If OP signed something, then the account is in her DC's name

Not necessarily, and only then if the MIL saw it through and actually opened the account (which might not be the case)

I might ask if MIL ever opened what I'd signed for, but wouldn't go any further than that - and wouldn't necessarily expect a clear answer

mumwon · 05/05/2021 12:20

If you signed permission for the account surely you know which bank/building society it is>
When dd reaches 18 if its in her name wouldn't she be able to go to the bank & ask? (taking id etc) I don't know if she would be able to go before but she could go into the bank, & ask advise
I wouldn't count on it & its her money if her dgm gave it to her

MaryMow22 · 05/05/2021 12:20

I'm sure it's pretty obvious there is no money!!

BrilliantBetty · 05/05/2021 12:20

Can daughter ask her grandmother about it?

LemonTT · 05/05/2021 12:22

I can see why she’s decided not to have anything to do with you.

There’s nothing you can do. It’s still her money.

LittleTiger007 · 05/05/2021 12:22

@FortunesFave

Don't be silly. You can't demand this information! She's 90 and it's up to her. It won't affect your DDs tax return if she has no access to the funds either! As for your other daughter...you don't 'need to know' anything! This is MIL's money and if she's set them up, then your children will get them when she dies probably. You're not even speaking to the woman!
This.

Plus if you don’t even speak to her and haven’t for years then there quite possibly is no longer any account.

gospelsinger · 05/05/2021 12:22

I would politely contact her. You are not asking her for money, as the money is no longer hers. You could get around any feelings of being grabby by asking about the account details rather than the money. Make no comment about how much is in there. Just be really polite, unemotional and gentle about it. Of course it would be better for your DP to do it, but his refusal is no reason for you to come to a stand still on this.